#anxiety
recieving unsolicited mental health advice from neurotypical people is a lot like getting a bad gift from a relative on your birthday. you don’t want to be rude but who is this for?
So I was talking to my mom about school and my anxiety fucking shot through the roof and so I put my hand on my chest and started breathing heavily and so my mom was like “why are you holding your chest like that, anxiety?” And I nodded and she told me to watch the tv and she put her hand on my chest to check my vitals or something like that and I guess my breathing got super fucking shallow and so she slapped my chest and said “breathe” and I thought it was so funny and I couldn’t stop laughing. I’m still laughing and this happened five minutes ago.
Finally wrote another FFF! This one’s for my Masks: A New Generation OC Ashton Lovelock (art by Chealinks on Twitter) - all that matters is that he’s a magical prettyboy with an emotionally abusive family/legacy.
tw: implied emotional abuse, anxiety/hypervigilance
FFF: Asking For Permission
–
He is always so very careful in how he asks for things.
He has to be- because in this house, every word is a knife. Everything is vivisected, picked apart and analyzed and if it’s found to be improper, lacking grace, lacking respect then it’s just another reason for a talk in front of the family hearth with Great Grandmother.
(they call it a talk, but he never speaks)
So he’s careful. He sits with perfect posture, his face impartial but his heart slamming against his ribs and his muscles one twitch away from spasms, and he rehearses how he’s going to ask them. He looks at the dark, ornate walls and he thinks-
May I-
no
If I may-
no
There’s this boy-
no
Fuck.
Try again.
He takes a breath. Holds it for a ten count. Then he exhales, his eyes fluttering shut, and he tries again.
I finished my schoolwork. And I was invited to an event tomorrow evening. May I attend?
Don’t mention the schoolwork. She’ll just tell you to do next week’s work too.
Try again.
I was invited to an event tomorrow evening. May I attend?
What event? With who?
(and he knows what he wants to say, he wants to say it’s a boy, it’s a really cute boy and a really nice boy and one of the only fucking people to treat me like i’m worth something but he can’t say that so instead he thinks)
A classmate invited me. It’s a small get-together. Social.
Don’t bore her with details. Just the facts. Just the facts and just leave out that “small” means “the two of us” and that “get-together” means “date”. Because if he says that then he knows she’ll look at him with those dead eyes, flat and unfeeling and she’ll say
Ashton. You know better.
(because the family comes first, the family and the legacy and every single ounce of responsibility that comes with being a lovelock and it doesn’t matter if he’s suffocating because they’re all suffocating together)
Put it all together.
Event. Tomorrow evening. May I. Classmate. Social.
He takes a breath. Composes himself. And as he stands up, walking evenly down the winding staircase, he prays that he doesn’t have to try again.
Me: *hasn’t had sex yet*
Doctor: *runs a pregnancy test*
Me: Oh God, what if I ampregnant?
E-cigarettes Alter Inflammatory State of Brain, Heart, Lungs and Colon
Daily use of pod-based e-cigarettes alters the inflammatory state of multiple organ systems including the brain, heart, lungs and colon, according to a new study done in mice from researchers at University of California San Diego School of Medicine, published April 12, 2022 in the journal eLife. Effects also vary depending on the e-cigarette flavor and can influence how organs respond to infections, such as SARS-CoV-2.
Authors saw the most striking effects in the brain, where several inflammatory markers were elevated. Additional changes in neuroinflammatory gene expression were noted in the nucleus accumbens, a brain region critical for motivation and reward-processing. The findings raise major concerns, they said, as neuroinflammation in this region has been linked to anxiety, depression and addictive behaviors, which could further exacerbate substance use and addiction.
“Many JUUL users are adolescents or young adults whose brains are still developing, so it’s pretty terrifying to learn what may be happening in their brains considering how this could affect their mental health and behavior down the line,” said senior study author Laura Crotty Alexander, MD, associate professor of medicine at UC San Diego School of Medicine.
The researchers also found that the inflammatory response of each organ varied depending on which JUUL flavor was used. For example, the hearts of mice that inhaled mint aerosols were much more sensitive to the effects of bacterial pneumonia compared to those that inhaled mango aerosols.
“This was a real surprise to us,” said Crotty Alexander. “This shows us that the flavor chemicals themselves are also causing pathological changes. If someone who frequently uses menthol-flavored JUUL e-cigarettes was infected with COVID-19, it’s possible their body would respond differently to the infection.”
While mint and mango JUUL flavors have been discontinued since this study began, many of their chemical ingredients can still be found in current JUUL products, such as their menthol flavor, or other brands of flavored e-cigarettes.
— Nicole Mlynaryk
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Does anyone else’s body ever randomly go into an anxiety/panic state but you’re not entirely sure why??? So then you start to think am I anxious about XYZ thing that is coming up in life and is good and so now you’re like “hey, body & brain - why are we freaking out about this? We want this! Wtf?” And then you’re kept up all night by this anxious feeling over this good thing that you want to happen? Ugh bodies and brains are dumb.
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In this video I’m talking you through the 5 signs of social anxiety and what to do about it. Do you struggle with social anxiety? Do you struggle in social situations? Or do you struggle with anxiety in public places? Do you often feel embarrassed, scared or fearful to be in social settings? These may be signs of social anxiety disorder, or a related anxiety disorder. In this video I’ll talk you through the 5 common signs of social anxiety, and social anxiety treatment. What does social anxiety look like for you? Leave a comment below and let me know.
It seems as though I never think about doing self-care until it’s too late. Let me explain, at this point in my life I find the act of self-care pretty instinctual, and when I’m doing alright, I rarely have to think about it. It’s when my mood starts creeping downwards and my anxiety heckles raise, aka the exact time when I need self-care, I forget to do it.
Luckily, over the years I’ve developed…
I dunno who else is like this but…
Being told I’m good at something sometimes feels like if I do that thing again I may very well prove to that person/the universe that I’m *not* actually. Like, I was told when I was younger that I was a good writer. “Oh good!” I thought. “Then that’s what I will attempt to do. I’ll be a writer!” But instead of doing the thing I… didn’t. I did a bunch of other things, pursued so many other avenues of interest, but in the back of my mind I carried that thought of: “Oh, I’m a good writer, that feels good to know, I’ll go do that… later.”
Well, guess what. Now it’s ‘later’ and now I want to do the writing thing but holy hell it’s terrifying because now with every new word I throw down for other people to read it’s like: “Oh, fuck, what if *this* is the writing thing that proves that I’m terrible, actually.” So I become paralyzed. Indecisive. Is this the thing I should write or this? Or both? Or neither? Oh…you want to read my work? Oh, well, funny story, none of it is done and I’m spinning my wheels over here. Why, yes it’s been years with nothing to show for myself, that’s pretty hilarious, huh?”
I started writing fanfic to try to get out of my head. To just…write. Low stakes, who cares. And it did help, for a bit. I was writing stuff and people read it, and they told me I was a good writer (whether that was true, or just good reading etiquette, I go back and forth over) which did help keep the self-doubt demons away for a time. Now, though, I want to go back to my original stuff and it’s back. That inescapable feeling of: “But, if I write, even if I never show it to anyone, it’s going to prove everyone wrong, because in truth I’m actually terrible.” Now I can’t even write fanfic because every single word I put down feels like this high stakes exercise in self worth.
And, I know what needs to be done. I know I need to just… write. The only way out is through. Even if I’m bad (and maybe I am!) the only only ONLY way to get better is to log in the hours. Practice. Even the worst writer in the world can only get better if they keep at it long enough. I need to write, and keep writing, and when I think I’ve written every word there is to write in every possible configuation I need to write some more.
Writing is a practice not a talent. It’s a honed skill not an inate character trait about me.
It’s just really fucking hard to remember that sometimes when the panic and anxiety build and threaten to sweep me out to sea.
bad christian
Do people ever consider this? Maybe your ideal life is different than mine. Maybe I’m fine with everything ending as we speak. Dont assume you can help me.
