#borderline personality

My COO thought I was Fluttershy but I was like “Nah. I’m Rainbow Dash. I’m really gay and Rainbow Dash is like one big rainbow.”

Someone please stop me from ever speaking again.

Do you want the honest truth about looking and feeling so different in the workplace? Yes, it is difficult to have multiple marginalized identities AND also dress differently/have visible tattoos. There will always be people who will hate me before they get to know me. There will always be whispers. There will always be stares. But you know what? Being open about who I am has literally saved my life, again and again. I have seen too much and have fought too hard to let ignorance and fear stop me from being a full, participating person in this society. I am aware that I was also born into groups with privilege, and I will continue to use those privileges to fight for others. My mission is to help in some small way to tear down this broken system and create a better world - for you, for me, for all of us.

Love me.

Is the IT guy winking and waving at me because he suddenly developed social skills or has he hacked my work computer and is amused?

Every time I share something that no longer makes me “fun,” people leave. Trauma isn’t a walk in the fucking park. My existence isn’t easy. If you’re going to encourage me, repeatedly, to share what is wrong, don’t run away when my truth is difficult.

For a long time, I’ve hesitated to open up about this publicly because of the many ways that survivors’ stories and experiences are belittled or ignored. But I know that there are others like me out there, and I think it’s time for me to be brave once again.

I was emotionally abused – viciously and repeatedly – for years of my life. For many years, I was gaslighted, or told that the various family members (often extended) who did those things to me didn’t mean it.

For all those who were told “I don’t remember that” or “Let it go,” I will say:

*trigger warning*

Doors ripped off their hinges and thrown down stairs
A coming out that was never my own (yes, I was outed as gay)
“Your father doesn’t love you.”
“Why would they make you work with a black girl?”
Toys tossed through windows
“What are you, a fag?”
“Look at her dyke fingers!”
“Go back to Harlem!”
Every move monitored, showers timed
“You’re getting into the ‘scary sizes’ now.” – said to me after my mother had just died
“Your father is cheating on your mother.” – false; said to me at 8 years old
Facebook name-calling attacks
Called “crazy” for volunteering on a suicide helpline
“Stupid.”
“Stupid bitch.”
“Slut.”

This is just a sampling of the wide array of tactics employed in attempts to destroy my confidence.

They failed.

The thing is, when you share these things openly, the shame leaves. The anger subsides. The terror weakens its hold over your life.

I am in a good, safe place now. One that I’ve built for myself.
If you are where I was 10, 15, 20 years ago, know that you are not alone and that one day, they will cower in fear at your story, at your truth.

I was born in a very shallow lake.
Others were content to float, but I could not be contained.
I wanted the whole ocean, so I built myself a boat.

I was encouraged to hate. I chose love.
I was taught to fear. I chose knowledge.
I was surrounded by pettiness. I chose peace.

Nevertheless, I persisted.
Nevertheless, I persist.

Me: *Signs in to Twitter*

First tweet on my feed: "In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or to step back into safety.” — Anita J.

Me: 

Do you ever get “wild” and “filthy” sexts and just think, “been there, done that, stole their t-shirt the morning after”?

you know that moment when you do something wrong and you literally wanna remove yourself from you body and beat yourself up?

we do be getting used as the “toxic” friend they drop for having more than a surface level personality for character development doe.

I can never show my face anywhere ever again

I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.I wanna die.

everyone: just be yourself!

me: *is myself*

everyone: ohhhh no no no…..no no no no no sssssss ahhhhhh no.

people ik irl now follow this account

I can never be a good person no matter what do I’m always offending someone or coming off as passive aggressive when I dont mean to. I just want to be normal and nice.

friends are stupid and overrated