#promia
How do people restrict and b/p?
Like if I could combine the two forces and lose weight I would.
It would straight up be harm reduction because I b/p almost every day. I never eat and keep it down cause I gain weight. I need guidanceeeeeee
I woke up wanting to die.
I made some eggs for breakfast, whichfucking terrifies me.
My coffee machine is broken.
Ive got so much schoolwork it’s unbelievable.
I spent my grocery money on binge food yesterday so I literally have nothing but eggs to eat. (It’s not like I fucking digest anything anyways but whatever)
Im trying to convince myself that one little plate of eggs won’t ruin my progress, but honestly it seems to every time I try.
Im so close to just giving in and puking til I literally die. I can’t do this anymore.
I hate songs that are about eds
I’m sure it can be done well but it hasn’t yet.
They’re all to on the nose.
And they are nearly all about the habits and not the cause. Who gives a shit if I throw up? Where’s the poetry in that? Talk about that internal struggle. Talk about how recovery feels like the ground dissolves below your feet. Make fun of the simplification and romanticism of EDs, don’t feed into it!
You can like what you like, but I can’t stand those songs . Skinny love leaves a sour taste in my mouth.
What do you get when you mix bulimia, bed, and no money for binge food?
✨creativity✨
I have made some ungodly combinations just to satisfy the binge urge
It hasn’t worked. They were gross and I am bloated.
Oh well. I just have to wait another week until I have money.
I really wanna dip my toes into restricting again. I actually ate a bento box from my school and kept it down. It was delightful as fuck. I didn’t gain weight either.
Euphoria is so silly and unrealistic but gosh am I hooked.
So much thinspo! Also Rue being an addict through highschool reminds me of my bed/anorexia/bulimia (idk which one I was diagnosed with cause I avoid the subject at all cost I’m so ashamed) soooo much. My parents and I got into some real fights. Like I know drugs are different but honestly I too am addicted to a behavior that is killing me. It’s worse now that I live alone and control my kitchen and bathroom situation but still highschool was rough. At least now I can kill myself in private. (I’m not suicidal atm but I have a hard time seeing myself surviving this. It’s gotten really bad)
I ate a bread roll for brekki that I intend on keeping down.
I’m hoping it’ll help me feel less fatigued in my lecture. It’s early in the day so it’ll have time to digest and hopefully not make me gain tomorrow. Idk it’s sort of an experiment. I’m not consuming any other solids today it was just one singular bread roll.
Also bread dissolves in your mouth because carbs start being broken down in your mouth. I don’t think calorie absorption truly happens until it hits your intestines but idk for sure. Anyways I’m hoping it’ll pass through my body easily. If any of you have been following my journey you would know that I’ve gone through two different phases of eating and not purging. Both times I gained weight I had to lose. In face right now I’m still losing that weight from the last time.
But 1 100 calorie bread roll? Come on! Even if I gain, it’s nothing I can’t fix in like one to three days. I wanna expand my very short list of safe foods and the only way to do that is to try eating other foods.
Failed day two of my liquid fast but I began it right again after binging and not enjoying it
The good news is I didn’t purchase any binge food for it. This week I’ve been pretty good on my spending habits.
I have some diet soda, almond milk, matcha, regular milk, and coffee it start this fast. I don’t know how long I’ll go, I’m setting my minimum to Sunday due to my budget lol. I can’t justify spending any money on food until it’s the start of a new week.
I didn’t enjoy my binge but I did get rid of some food that would have gone bad. I had enough sleep last night so I should have a nice clear head to get some shit done today.
pissing too much
shitting liquid
and the terrible third,
Not Shitting in Four Days™
Llorar, sonreir. No comer, sonreir. Sentir dolor, sonreir. Vomitar, sonreir. Te cortas y sonries….. Estamos tan inmersos en nuestra mierda que se ha vuelto tan normal como una sonrisa… Incluso mas que una sonrisa.
18:15 y no he comido nada. Agua y cigarrillos ❤
En subida… Sin autocontrol. Comiendo como la cerda que sigo siendo. STOP EATING
600 gr menos. Algo bueno en mi vida, y la razón por la que tendré energía para levantarme.
I watched “To The Bone” to avoid getting an eating disorder but instead I was inspired
i had a 200 cal mini pizza thing ( i fasted for 36 hours before that ) and now im fasting until my god sister leaves tomorrow so ye wish me luck and 350 cal rice cakes 550
cw : 134.7 lbs
Kendall Jenner via Instagram Post - 08/02/20
