#source tik tok
(Noir turns up to a crime scene)
Jefferson Davis: “Oh my god-”
Noir: “ whats the situation?”
Jefferson:“Um… we got a fortune teller here. Looks like shes been murdered. We still don’t know why, we were hoping you could help us with that, detective.”
Noir: “Hmm… Well, that’s just” *puts shades on* “un-fortune-ate”
Jefferson: *lifts head*
Noir: *turns dramatically and starts to leave*
Jefferson: “No- detective- Uh yeah, she- Where are you going?! We still have to- detective? Detective! We still- the body-?!”
Luke at one point: I CAN’T JUST MARRY ANYONE I WANT. I’M AN AWFUL BOYFRIEND. I HAVE POOR COMMUNICATION SKILLS AND I STRUGGLE TO ANSWER THE MOST SIMPLEST OF TEXT MESSAGES.
Source; Wilbur Soot (this one audio on Tiktok)
(just think out of all the 5sos peeps, he’d be the one most likely to bottle things up until he just snaps)
Kaeya: Say “I hate happiness” but without pronouncing the H’s.
Diluc: I ate appiness–
Diluc: You’re fucking adopted, you really are.
Kaeya:
Jumin: What’s mlm and wlw?
Luciel: Multi-level marketing and wulti-level warketing
S/I: Two best friends in a room, they might kiss!
Platonic F/O: Yes we will.
S/I:What?
Platonic F/O: I said yes we will.
Me: What are you doing in my hoUSE? *SOBS* WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!
New F/O(s): I WANT WAFFLE FRIES!
Platonic F/O: I just keep laughing at my ex spouses choices.
S/I: Yeah you should you were fucking one of them *trips*.
F/O: *barges into the room*
S/I: What’s up with you?
F/O: I’ve been home for an hour and a half. Not even once. Not one time have you tried to cuddle me and it’s pissing me the fuck off! I WANT MY FUCKING CUDDLES!
S/I: I’m insecure about my hip dips.
F/O: I don’t- I don’t understand, that’s like- that’s like the best part, I don’t- I don’t-
S/I: I’m also insecure about when my like thighs jiggle, or when I wear those thigh highs and it’s like puffy at the top and-
F/O: That’s like- That’s like the best part tho, I- I don’t understand, I like- I like that part.
S/I: Also when I wear jeans and my love handles and tummy spill over the sides.
F/O: THAT’S THE BEST PART I DON’T UNDERSTAND?!?!
Platonic F/O: So the person that tried to kill you, what did they look like?
S/I: They were so hot, it was crazy!
Platonic F/O: O-okay but, what did they look like?
S/I: I mean, where should I start? Ah they were tall, ya know maybe 6'3 6'4, ah absolutely just jacked, but not like scary body builder jacked like they were ripped but they still had a soft touch like you could totally fall asleep in their arms.
Platonic F/O: Alright what did their face look like?
S/I: Well ah ya know Brad Pitt?
Platonic F/O:Yeah-
S/I: Forget Brad Pitt, this person was hotter.
Platonic F/O: Hotter than Brad Pitt???
S/I: Hotter than Bradley Joseph Pitt.
Platonic F/O: That’s crazy!
S/I: I would pay money to gaze into those eyes again.
Platonic F/O: Even after they tried to kill you?
S/I: I almost wished they stabbed me to death and took their time doing it just so the last thing I saw could’ve been those eyes.
Platonic F/O: I’m getting a little hot just off your description so I can only imagine how it felt to be there.
S/I:Insane.
Sissy:*does anything*
Vanya: –and my heart went O O P S
Catra:Can i have an owl?
Perfuma:We dont sell owls here,only flowers!
Catra:Someone told me you sell owls
Perfuma:Who?
Catra:…
Catra:I just fucking heard it
Marlene: Sooooo do you listen to girl in red?
Dorcas:
Dorcas: Babe, we’re literally on a date right now
Dorcas: I am gay for you
Dorcas: I am lesbian for you-
Samus, most likely drunk after hanging out with Snake and Bayo: So if the bigger the car the smaller the dick, and the bigger the shoe the bigger the dick, then CLOWNS-
Mario, 100% concerned: I’m gonna have to stop you there.
Banjo: Just found out about transphobia!
Kazooie, popping over Banjo’s shoulder and throwing a bunch of water at nothing: STOP IT!
Little Mac: So I regret something I did today.
Little Mac: I gave my friend a boombox and he hasn’t stopped playing really bad music since.
Joker, walking in with a boombox:
Little Mac: Joker, what are you doing?
Joker:
Joker: *starts playing Caramelldensen and starts dancing*
Midoriya: People constantly doubt my epic pro-hero expertise. Now I get it, I don’t look like the average pro-hero, but I am an ABSOLUTE FUCKING UNIT ON THE BATTLEFIELD!
*Midoriya throws two punches at the air*
Midoriya: That was the move that made All-Might and Endeavor cry.
Les: Davey? Is Santa Claus gonna come?
Davey: Les, it’s April. And we’re Jewish
Les: Oh. So who’s coming?
Davey: I don’t know. Jerry Seinfeld?
Naoto: So, according to my university, it is, quote, “my responsibility if there is an internet outage to contact the faculty and the department.”
Naoto: Now, if you’re a critical thinker like me, you might be wondering one thing.
Naoto: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EMAIL THE DEPARTMENT?!?!?!
Zeus: WHY IS THERE A 800K CHARGE ON MY CARD
Dionysus, who just bought a new leopard: dad im a material girl!
Zeus: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
*During the time Harry was away*
Molly: So the case is in Decatur? Which is four hours away.
Thomas: Yep.
Molly: Do you have like an aux cord or something?
Thomas: …
Molly: … I spy with my little eye something green.
Thomas: …
Molly: …
Thomas: Is it the… grass?
Molly: Yeah!
Thomas: I spy with my little eye-
*One hour later*
Molly and Thomas: I’M JOHN LAWRENCE IN THE PLACE TO BE! TWO PINTS OF SAM ADAMS BUT I’M WORKIN’ ON THREE!
Harry: You had 1 job. Order a washer and dryer but what did you order?
Thomas: But I got a good deal.
Harry: BUT WHAT DID YOU ORDER?
Thomas: It was buy two get one free, that’s a good deal.
Harry: *sighs* You’re right that is a good deal. BUT NOT FOR REFRIGERATORS BRO. NOT FOR REFRIGERATORS.
I thought I was over it, then I saw this
Peter: I don’t wanna be a person anymore. I’m tired of it.
Tony: …are you ok–
Peter: I wanna be a dinosaur.
Tony: There it is.
Therapist: now, jake, what do we say when depression hits?
Jake:*sigh*
Jake: my depression is chronic but this ass is iconic
Therapist:no!
Amy: yes!
