Who killed you?

Your mother?

“No”

Your father?

“No”

Your brother?

“No”

Your sister?

“No”

Your friends?

“No”

Your enemies?

“No”

Then who killed you?

“THEIR WORDS, THEIR WORDS KILLED ME”

I hate myself

She says she’s fine

but she’s going insane.

She says she feels good

but she’s in a lot of pain.

She says she’s okay

but she’s really not.

If you’re someone who experiences panic attacks, you need to check out the app PanicMechanic

This isn’t a paid promotional thing, by the way. I just think it’s important that y’all know about this app, because it’s been immensely helpful to me. Also before you start reading know that the first two paragraphs are me describing my own panic attacks, so content warning for physical sickness and weight loss.

I’m someone who experiences frequent, severe panic attacks. Before I got this app and started communicating about my needs to the people closest to me, my panic attacks would usually make me throw up. At one point last year, my anxiety was so severe that I could barely eat, and I threw up everything I ate. I was throwing up every single day, multiple times a day. It was absolutely miserable. During that time, I lost 5 pounds in 5 days (and I’m thin to begin with, so it was a big deal).

I still struggled with this up until about a month ago, even though I take two different anxiety meds- one of which is an anti-nausea appetite stimulant (as a side effect). It didn’t matter what my meds were, how much deep breathing I did, or how many times I grounded myself by naming things I could sense. Nothing seemed to work. My autonomic nervous system is explosively hypersensitive, and my fight-or-flight can be set off by just about anything. Once the chain reaction has started, it’s impossible to stop.

Or so I thought. Around a month ago, my mom walked into my room with the latest copy of the University of Vermont’s magazine. In it was an article about an app called PanicMechanic, which had been developed by people in the engineering department at UVM. It uses a form of biofeedback, by tapping into your phone’s camera. You put your finger over the lens and the app measures your heart rate.

Then, the app cycles through a series of questions. It asks you what caused the panic attack (you can add custom triggers), then it asks you what your anxiety level is, on a scale from 1 to 10. It might also ask you questions about your sleep quality, food consumption, exercise levels, etc. Then, it will tell you approximately how long is left until your panic attack ends (based on previously recorded ones). After that, it goes back to your heart rate. The screens keep cycling through, with your heart rate graph being shown each time, until you press “Finish Attack” in the upper righthand corner.

The app sounds simple, and it is. But it’s fantastically effective at facilitating mindfulness, and a sense of control over the situation. Before I started using it, I had a really hard time getting out of my head and staying focused on my immediate reality. Now, it’s way easier to regain control of my body and my breathing. My panic attacks used to last anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes. Now, they only last 5 to 7 minutes. And the best part? I don’t throw up anymore!

The app is free to download on iPhones, and soon it will be available on Androids. There’s a 7 day free trial, so you can see if it works for you before paying the yearly fee (which I believe is around $50 annually, or about $4 a month). That’s extremely cheap compared to the usual costs of therapy and medication.

Since I’ve been using the app, I’ve felt an enormous change in my ability to gain control of anxiety. The fact that it’s so easily accessible in the moment makes it that much more effective. I really hope this helps some of you!

~Eden

Sometimes you really just have to let some people be in their damn feelings!

While your intentions are good, offering unwarranted solutions when someone’s feeling low AF can often times dig a deeper hole, ex: more negative thoughts, bring on anxiety/increase anxiety, feeling misunderstood, feeling incapable while also feeling pressure (ex: omg I have to try to bring myself to do XYZ to get out of this episode when I’m already struggling with X?!), etc.

What I mean by unwarranted solutions is saying things like, “I did this and it worked”, “you should try this”, “that’s tough…. BUT have you thought about”….

JEEZUS MAKE IT STOP!!!

Okay… but how do I know whether to give my input or not?

When someone’s venting to you, ask them if they’d like your input/advice or if they prefer you to just listen.

If they want you to just listen, JUST LISTEN. Don’t feel like you need to solve a problem or provide therapy unless you’re actually their therapist!

‼️However, if this person is in harm (this also includes harming themselves) and the situation is detrimental to their well being, definitely do not take a back seat! Listen to what they’re telling you, sometimes it’s not just venting.‼️

A listening ear sometimes, especially from a friend, is more than enough. Let them be in their damn feelings! #respectfully

“But what will you do if everything falls through? Will you stay discouraged and dejected? Will you cry yourself to sleep? Or will you hope for the best,take a chance, and believe that you’ll be alright no matter what happens?”

I feel sorry for people that aren’t in fandoms. Just what do you do with your life when you’re not crying over a fictional character or someone who’ll never know you. When you’re not drowning yourself in fandom content as a coping mechanism. Like you life just be boring then or?

If anyone has any tricks to trigger an anxiety attack, please let me know. I’ve been sitting on the edge of one for about 4 hours now and I’d like this torture to end, the anticipation to be alleviated.

Seriously, depressive procrastination is one thing but an anxious mental block is simply not helpful

Being vulnerable and feeling dread and existential anxiety about the state of affairs in the US. Venting about the heavy feeling and trying to work through my thoughts to fight the demons away.