#confused

Bridget Jones movies is so inspiring. Makes me feel good! I feel Jane Austen in this story. Is not about give a “single Lady” hope. IS about perspectives and point of views and a little hope, why not?  We do have to set some goals on our life. But we can’t determine when, how and who to fall in love with. Is not like “ OMG! I need to get marry until 27, if i Don’t do that I’m doomed”. I believe that is not like this. Some girls wish to get married, big party, many pictures, beautiful dresses…But my question is : To celebrate WHAT? You are not a single lady anymore? You will not die alone with your cats eating your corpse face?

 People have to loose this fear of to be alone. You will be alone if you want to. Before wish a boyfriend or a Wedding I wish to fall in love with someone, even if does not work I will know that I felt this. This scare’s me too. To think that the only person that I thought I felt in love  will be only person I will love until the end of my life? ( OMG IF THE END OF MY LIFE WILL BE TOMORROW???). Ok…well I don’t believe that people can truly fall in love TWICE in life (I REALLY REALLY HOPE I AM WRONG ABOUT THAT - more than twice is out of question).

This is me writing BULLSHIT again. I swear, that in my mind this post would be more simple. But seems that the more I think the more confused I get. My mind is a Mess.

Let’s talk about GOALS

Well…

- To be an old single lady with cats in London.

(just Kidding)

Real Goals

- To kill this Bitch inside of me that insists to wake up mostly when I’m drunk. Really sometimes I think that I’m possed, hahahhaa, sounds funny, but I’m really worried. Is like that “I blink” and I am another person. That JUST happend, a boy just posted something on FB and Thougts came in to my mind and I sent him a message than I Stopped and thought…“OMG! WHY AM I DOING THAT?”. And the worst part is That I am Not even drunk. Is like I am fighting against something inside of me. CREPPY!

- STOP DRINK, to Thelma don’t show UP ( My Bitch’s side name - Will be the title of my book)

_ think twice, before: Start to drink, spend money,kiss someone,say or do something.

For while is this - Stop Drink, Drown the bitch on a glass of ice tea or light coke and THINK TWICE without any help)

I feel really sorry about my grammar! I’m working on this!

reblog / like if you save them.

I’m not sure if it is just me, but I don’t get how people can talk all day, everyday. I don’t like it. I start to feel suffocated. I try to explain this to the certain people that do want to talk to me all day everyday, and for a while they are fine and calm down, but very slowly they start to do it again which is really annoying. I’m not going to change, it’s who I am. I’m not a people person. It’s not like it’s even the first time i’ve told them about it, so then they wonder why I get annoyed.. Which then makes me feel bad, but shouldn’t they feel bad for doing something constantly which they know the other person doesn’t like? 

I’ve not long finished redecorating my room, I’ve put a lot of butterflies in it because there proof that you can go through something ugly and still end up beautiful. 

I don’t know if it’s me that is strange or everyone else.. But I don’t understand how people can just like someone, then someone else just bouncing from one person for the next, whenever I like someone I like them for ages and it takes a long time for me not to like them again. I just don’t get how if they really like someone they can get over them that fast, it makes no sense to me. I’m trying so hard to get over someone and nothing seems to work, I try to like other people but I just can’t. Nothing works, It’s horrible. 

Well we’ve started talking again, and you keep liking my facebook statues. Its been more than anything for a long time, I feel like something has changed, not my feelings for you though. Your single again. I’m still in love with you. You apologised for how you treated me. I have a spark of hope again, hopefully I’ll see you soon.

Two posts in one week aren’t you a lucky lot.

So I ran out of antidepressants/anxiety tablets a week ago and it feels like i’m awake for the first time in months, but I have however noticed that I have been struggling to sleep again and I am getting worked up about the silliest of things again. I’m unsure what to do, should I go back to the doctors or stay of them as I actually feel awake and not like some zombie that is just passing through the motions in life, so far luckily I haven’t had any major downers which is a plus but it will probley happen at some point Just really unsure on what to do.

It’s weird, I wanted to be over you for so long and now I am. Finally. But I miss my feelings for you, I used to talk to you whenever I felt down,and somehow you would make it better, but now I try talking to you and I just don’t feel anything. 

Haven’t posted anything for a while, Lost all interest in everything. Literally takes all my energy to make it through the day without falling apart. 

I studied Middle East studies and Arabic in college, so most of the narratives on the Israeli Palestinian conflict I learned were from an Arab, Palestinian, perspective. Before that, before I even knew anything about the conflict, I was raised by a very liberal American family who shunned Zionism outright as synonymous with: 

• Colonialism 
  
• Racism 
• Implying that Palestine was worthless before Jewish settlement 

Now that I’ve had some experience studying Zionism with Zionists on Kibbutzim, like Kibbutz Hukok in the Galilee, and urban Kibbutz Mishol in Nazareth, I come to the conclusion that Zionism is no different than anything else in the Middle East. It’s not a racist, colonialist political movement, nor is it the saving grace of the Jewish state: it’s complicated (insert expressions of shock and outrage here). 

Even if Zionism once was what I’ve briefly outlined above (a product of a racist, colonial group of people with blatant disregard for the indigenous population of Palestine and the pressing urge to serve only their own needs), we see that Israel is now experiencing a resurge in Zionism and a call to redefine Zionism’s core qualities: 

• Social, class, racial, and gender equality 
  
• Communal responsibility 
  
• Social Activism 
  
• Basic humanity 

Stav Shaffir is (other than “the coolest person in the world,” as my friends say) a member of the Labor Party, the youngest Knesset member, and one of the leaders of the protests last year in Israel surrounding the rising price of housing. In this video she calls out Israeli political leaders and voices her frustration with what the Zionist movement has become, and how she would like it to return to what many Zionist pioneers thought they were participating in. Check it out and wait for a minute for subtitles to come on. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mfyFlK5bkPU 

While Shaffir might shy away from Zionist thinkers like Jabotinsky, characterized by an urgent need to settle in the land of Israel, regardless of the existence of an indigenous population, she would perhaps more closely relate to Zionist thinkers such as Asher Ginsberg, known as the founder of cultural Zionism (hands up if you never learned about more than one kind of Zionism! No? Just me?). He didn’t even believe in the founding of a political state before Judaism could “develop in a natural way, to bring its powers into play in every department of human culture, to broaden and perfect those national possessions which it has acquired up to now, and thus to contribute to the common stock of humanity… It does not need an independent State, but only the creation in its native land of conditions favorable to its development." 

Ginsberg isn’t talking about a Jewish state, he isn’t even talking about a specifically Jewish civilization–he’s referring here to concepts of basic humanity. When and only when the spirit of Judaism, he writes, can radiate to the communities of the Diaspora and cultivate a sustainable, equitable lifestyle which can contribute to humanity at large, then can the Jewish nation evolve to a state. Zionism, in this cultural lens, is less black and white than I had thought, and more shockingly, something I can actually relate to- the girl who had previously related more to the poetry of Mahmood Darwish than to any Zionist text she had studied in college. 

So, do young Israelis need to reclaim the term "Zionism,” or rename it altogether?

This disorder fucks with my mind so much I don’t even know what I look like anymore, am I fat? Am I thin?

I can look in the mirror one second and see something kind of thin? and then then I look again and I’m just a stumpy blobby mess, like which am I?