Hephaestus: No.

Ares: [Holding up his hand for a hi five, while wearing a “Team Persephone” shirt.] Come on…

Hephaestus: [Also wearing a “Team Persephone” shirt, but looking much more dour.] I told you I would never do that again.

Ares: You can do it!

Hephaestus: …

Ares: …

Hephaestus: …

Ares: …

Hephaestus: …

Ares: …

Hephaestus: …

Ares: …

Hephaestus: [Lets out a frustrated sigh before finally relenting to hi five Ares.]

Ares: YES!!! TEAM PERSEPHONE!!!

Hephaestus: I hateyou.

Hephaestus: Zeus, you can play the role of my father.

Zeus: I don’t want to be your father.

Hephaestus: Perfect you already know your lines.

Hera: Didn’t anyone teach you to say please and thank you?!

Hephaestus: Please shut the fuck up

Hera:

Hephaestus: Thank you

0lympian-c0uncil:

Hestia, *teaching sex ed to the couples of Olympus*: Alright, your partner just texted you ‘I want a baby’. What are your responses?

Zeus x Hera-

Hera: No

Zeus: why

Hera: I don’t need another child with emotional trauma, we already have six

Demeter x Hecate-

Demeter: depends.

Hecate: on what?

Demeter: are you going to neglect that child and then tell your brother to kidnap them so they can marry and not asking me?

Hecate: … No

Demeter: then possibly.

Artemis x Athena-

Athena *blushing furiously*: We-well that’s u-up to Arte.

Artemis: …

Athena: Artemis please this is killing me.

Artemis: *smiles mischievously*

Athena: don’t you dare.

Artemis: *runs away faster than Hermes*

Athena*runs after her: ARTEMIS PLEASE YOU KNOW I CAN’T TAKE SUSPENSE!!!

Ares x Aphrodite-

Aphrodite *seductively walks up to Ares*: well I- *wraps her arms around his neck* wouldn’t be apposed to the idea.

Ares *smirks*: what ever you want babe.

*Cue enthusiastic makeout*

Hestia: please dears, later

Hermes x Thanatos-

Thanatos: I don’t really want kids I just want to live a peaceful life with my boyfriend

Hermes: you’d do that bro?

Thanatos: of course bro

Hermes *grabs Thanatos’s hand*: bro

Poseidon x Amphitrite-

Amphitrite: we have enough kids

Poseidon: Agreed

Apollo x Ares-

Ares: can we even have kids?

Apollo: what?

Ares: I mean we are both male.

Apollo: Ares we are gods we can do anything and even if we weren’t there is this magical thing called ✨adoption✨

Ares: oh… Then yeah probs.

Apollo: *blushes*

Aphrodite x Hephaestus-

Aphrodite: well-

Hephaestus: it is pretty obvious the answer is no

Aphrodite: what

Hephaestus: it’s always been no so stop what your saying because is is just going to break my heart.

Aphrodite: actually Hephy I was thinking- *grabs Hephaestus’s hand* maybe we could try.

Hephaestus *shocked*: what?

Aphrodite: I have been treating you horribly for how long we have been married so I was thinking that we could try if you want.

Hephaestus *trying not to cry*: I- I would love that my dear

Both: *kiss*

Hera: I’m happy for you two but can we move on

Both: of course, sorry.

Dionysus xAriadne-

Dionysus: I am kinda feeling like Poseidon and Amphitrite I don’t really want kids at the moment, how about you Hun?

Ariadne: agreed my love

Hades x Persephone-

Hades: well I would want to talk to Persephone first about it and depending on the answer is where we’ll go from there but that is all I will say at the moment

Persephone: I love you so much *kisses him*

Hades: *Turns as red as a tomato* Hestia what are our scores?

Hestia: you don’t want to know.

if you can’t tell I love these AUs

Seungcheol (S.Coups) - Son of Ares - God of War

• a strong and courageous leader
  
• cares about the boys that fall under his leadership (not just the other members, but also others they trained with like Samuel)
  
• very muscular (just look at his thighs)
  

Jeonghan - Son of Aphrodite - Goddess of Love and Beauty

• the prettiest boy to ever exist
  
• seriously is there any haircut or outfit that doesn’t look amazing on this boy?
  
• has every other member whipped for him - Seungcheol, Joshua, and Dino especially - not to mention the fans
  

Joshua - Son of Athena - Goddess of Wisdom, Courage, and Inspiration

• can speak five different languages (english, korean, japanese, chinese, and spanish)
  
• moved across an ocean without his family to pursue a career as an idol
  

Jun - Son of Nike - Goddess of Victory

• Jun just seems like he’d be naturally good at whatever he tries (not that he doesn’t/won’t put in effort)
  
• could have continued his acting career and would probably have been very successful, chose to move to a new country to pursue singing instead
  

Soonyoung (Hoshi) - Son of Hephaestus - God of Blacksmiths and Fire

• does creating choreography count as working with his hands?
  
• Hoshi is real fit, I can see him fitting in with mechanics and the like
  

Wonwoo - Son of Persephone - Goddess of Springtime and Queen of the Underworld

• a sweet, happy boy
  
• makes my heart melt when he smiles
  
• can look quite intimidating though
  
• everyone’s favorite emo boy
  

Jihoon (Woozi) - Son of Hermes - God of Messengers, Thieves, Travelers, and Merchants

• can do everything - singing, dancing, rapping, writing lyrics, composing, playing instruments, you name it
  
• looks super adorable but is actually quite sly and sneaky
  
• not afraid to take a bitch down
  

Seokmin (DK) - Son of Apollo - God of the Sun, Archery, Music, and Healing

• likes to spend his time making sure the other members are happy
  
• so full of energy
  
• his smile is infectious
  
• have you ever heard this boy’s voice like damn
  
• those high notes though
  

Mingyu - Son of Poseidon - God of the Sea

• the very definition of long, tan, and handsome
  
• does anyone else remember those meme pictures of him in the pool with the flowery swim cap?
  
• other than that it just seems like the right fit
  

Minghao (The8) - Son of Hebe - Goddess of Youth

• even with his recent glow up he still has a bit of a baby face
  
• tbh I don’t think he’ll ever look anything other than younger than he really is
  
• his precious giggle and smile make everyone around him so happy
  

Seungkwan - Son of Iris - Goddess of Rainbows

• let’s face it, if any member was the son of the rainbow goddess, it would be Seungkwan
  
• boy is sassy and not afraid to stand his ground
  
• does his amazing vocal ability count as good communication skills?
  

Vernon - Son of Dionysus - God of Wine, Parties, Madness, and Theatre

• I’m just picturing that shot from the Adore U music video with Vernon and Dino sitting in the plants
  
• something about Vernon makes me think he could throw some killer parties
  

Chan (Dino) - Son of Demeter - Goddess of the Harvest, Agriculture, Seasons, and Fertility

• again, that one shot of him and Vernon in the music video for Adore U
  
• could potentially control plants with his amazing rap skills
  
• is a sweet little flower himself, so it would make sense that his godly parent would be associated with them
  

:) Made some suggestive beach stuff featuring Ariadne, Dionysus, Aphrodite and Hephaestus you can find on my patreon!

Patreon

Hades: This is my wife Persephone, and these are Persephone’s girlfriends Minthe and Aphrodite. Then there’s Hephaestus who is Aphrodite’s husband and Ares who is her boyfriend. And that’s Ares’ boyfriend Apollo and his sister Artemis, who is also the girlfriend of Athena. Oh and that’s Artemis and Apollo’s mom Leto who is dating the mother of Athena, Metis. And she’s dating Maia who is Hermes’ mother and he is dating my worker Thanatos. Hypnos, Thanatos’ brother is dating Hermes’ brother Dionysus, and The mother of Dionysus, Demeter is dating both Hecate, and Dione who is the sister of Metis- Oh and Metis is also dating Hera, who is also in a polyamorus relationship with Maia and Leto as well. Hera is also married to my younger brother Zeus, and my other younger brother, Poseidon is married to Amphitrite, and that’s my eldest sibling Hestia who is dating Iris.

Hades: It’s nice to meet you!

Aphrodite: The clock is ticking! We don’t have time for this asinine tomfoolery!

Dionysus: This unmitigated poppycock?

Hermes: Extravagant hogwash!

Hephaestus: Okay, stop.

twelfthremedy:

Offerings Masterpost:

(Last updated: 9/7/2020)

Major Hellenic Deities:

Apollo

Ares

Artemis

Athena

Dionysus

Hades

Hephaestus

Hera

Hermes

Hestia

Persephone

Poseidon

Zeus

Minor Hellenic Deities:

Hecate

Theoi Summary - Hephaistos

Ἡφαιστος (EE-fays-tohs) - Hephaistos AKA Hephaestus
God of fire, smiths, the disabled, craftspeople, metalworking, sculpture, volcanos, and stonemasonry
Ouranic Olympian with Chthonic aspects

Symbols: Hammer, tongs, anvil, fire, forge, volcano
Animals: Donkey, crane, dog
Colors: Red, bronze, grey, orange
Plants/Herbs: Fennel
Stones/Crystals: Bronze, marble, metals

Retinue: Kyklopes, Kabeiroi, Kourai Khryseai, Kedalion
Relations: Hera (mother), Zeus (sometimes father), Aphrodite (ex-wife), Aglaea (wife), Kabeiroi (sons), Eupheme (daughter), Eukleia (daughter), Euthenia (daughter)
Identified with: Vulcan (Roman), Ptah (Kemetic)

Festivals: Khalkeia (29 Pya.), Hephaistia (??)

Epithets: Clytus (Renowned), Clytometis (Famed for Skill), Clytotechnes (Famed worker), Polytechnes (Of Many Crafts), Polyphron (Ingenious), Polymetis (Resourceful), Aethaloïs Theus (Sooty God), Chalceus (Bronze/Coppersmith), Cyllopodium (Crooked-Foot), Amphigyeis (Lame One)

athena vs ares

i’ve seen this common mistake everywhere where when athena is referred to as a war goddess, people will say “no she’s the wisdom goddess, ares is the god of war,” and you’re not wrong. she is the goddess of wisdom but she is also a war goddess. so here’s the difference between athena’s “war” and ares’ “war.”

ATHENA

athena is a strategist, the tactician: she represented the ‘higher’ arts of warfare, and was also known as a patron of the ‘hero.’ she guided and supported those who did heroic deeds and was instrumental in demi-gods beating their monsters. (perseus’ and medusa), while aiding heracles during his twelve labours, and enabling achilles to defeat hector. she thinks along the lines of cunningness and not just pure violence without thought.

ARES

now ares is a much bigger difference. he represents the brutality and violence of war. it doesn’t matter who is at the end of the brutality. he enjoys it, i mean his chariot is pulled by horses that are red (the color of blood). he isn’t smart or cunning (often he is alongside another deity that will aid him in this aspect or help along with his victory like nike), he uses cruel violence. this displays who worshipped him (which surprise, wasn’t many; he didn’t have many temples either)

also so it’s clarified; greek mythology has many gods, goddesses, or deities that share aspects of the same thing. hekate and artemis share the moon aspect as goddesses, athena, hephaestus, and techne (all deities of arts)

edit: this isn’t supposed to be rude towards ares, im just explaining how he was in battle. of course, they’re both extremely important, but ares is most certainly pure violence, he does not think and represents more the mad rage on the battlefield that soldiers will have, while athena is viewed more like a commander-like figure that won’t fight but will do little things to ensure her side with being successful. war is such a difficult aspect of human civilization that needs two different deities to accurately represent it. another thing i want to explain is im not english, so when i explain something, it might come off extremely blunt. what i mean by ares not having temples was because not everyone actively worshipped war (there was a few cultures that did worship ares though (spartans)).

I apologize to anyone that thought i was disrespecting ares (thank you to @cyanide-latte for pointing out that i did use extreme unflattering words towards ares, it wasn’t intentional, english just looks weird to me.

Apollo:

Hephaestus:

Apollo:

Hephaestus:

Apollo:

Artemis:

Apollo:

Hephaestus - God of the Forge

catullan:

thoodleoo:

tired of revisionist myth where hades and persephone are in love or whatever, it’s been done way too many times. instead i’m going to write a revisionist myth reimagining hephaestus and aphrodite as connecticut clark and malfina

like this?

Eternals x Greek Mythology