are there any asexuals out there that are or have been in relationships with allos that could give me some advice? or even just your personal experience and how you dealt with it. i wouldn’t say my 7 year relationship is in immediate serious jeopardy but it’s been really difficult in the realm of sex recently, especially since my drive/libido is severely understated when I’m stressed and have other things on my mind. i thought I’d put myself out there just in case anyone had any insight (more context in the tags)
maladresexual:someone who doesn’t know if they actually feel sexual attraction or not due to their madd
for anon! the first, third, and fifth are from this madd flag and this madd flag, the second is modified from the asexual flag, and the fourth represents feeling sexual attraction. the term combines ‘mala’ from ‘maladaptive’, ‘dre’ from ‘daydream’, and ‘-sexual’!
flag id: a flag with 5 stripes. in order, they are light purple, dark purple-pink, dark blue-grey, red, and mint green. end id.
Don’t fall for the ‘discourse’. The flag isn’t problematic. It doesn’t need a redesign. It’s just yet another time exclusionists hit and manage to actually make some people doubtful. But this flag has united us around it for years, it means a lot to us, it represents us, and we have a right to it. They can’t take it from us.
Listen, I was already obsessed with the color purple before I knew my sexuality, but now that I know I’m asexual I’ve become more powerful. My obsession with purple has trancended what I thought was possible.
Does asexuality cause people to perceive their gender differently? Like, I’m not sure if I’m nonbinary or anything, but I definitely feel disconnected from my gender, and have noticed a trend that other asexual people are more likely to be nonbinary than other sexualities.
Does the lack of sexual attraction lead to that disconnection to your gender? As in, not being able to relate to the others of your assigned gender in the same way due to not being in touch with sexuality in the same way as them? It may also be similar with aromantics, I’m not sure.
If anyone has any further input or ideas on this I’d love to know because I’m really interested in this concept.
Signs I should have known I was ace: M*sturb*t¡0n edition
Before I dive into this rant, can we all just agree that even asexuals m-bate? Yes, even girls. Idk and idc when or how or why society ever began to believe that only straight, allosexual men are allowed to do it, I just don’t want to see that crap on my blog, okay? Great.
Now, one might argue about the exact time I started “engaging in self pleasure”.
I remember exploring my body since I was 8, I don’t know if that counts. But I only actually began “getting that pleasure” when I was almost 15 that I learned what the thing I had been doing was called.
Ever since then, I’ve had all sorts of “experiences” regarding how I see m**tûrb*t¡on.
For example, you know how I started reading fanfiction almost two years ago. And I’m guessing you know what kind of ~f i l t h~ can be found there.
I read all about these h0rny teens tossing one off while thinking of someone!!
Honestly, I thought it was far-fetched, written to attract readers because THERE’S NO WAY-
until…. I got on Omegle a couple of months ago and had a brief, highly uncomfortable conversation with this dude who didn’t know what asexuality meant. After I explained it to him, he went, “but do you m-bate?”
And I’m there like…. Not that that’s any of your business, but yea? What’s that got to do with anything?
He said, “well who do you think of when you…?”
I’m sitting there, staring at my screen like…. huh?
I said as much, “no one? Who tf am I supposed to think of?”
Then he went on about p0rn, and didn’t I watch and imagine myself being in the place of the girl on screen?
I’m like what?!?! No, why would I?
Needless to say, I see that allosexuals don’t watch p**n to m-bate by listening to the sounds or just projecting that feeling of ar0üsal. No, allos actually picture themselves in those videos. Good heavens…
Listen, I don’t shame anyone, ever. Otherwise, me making this post would contradict everything.
It was just a shock for me to learn that, that’s all. Is it really okay to picture someone you know… in bed with you? Or is it like, what they don’t know doesn’t hurt them?
I have tried it, trust me. But the second I attempt to picture someone else touching me, it’s like turning a switch off. I could never. What does work for me, is the feeling. Focusing on my senses, and getting that stress-relief. P**n only works when I’m watching a sole person and projecting what they’re feeling into my own body.
But yeah, this should have been a major sign towards my sexuality for a couple of years. I just didn’t know I was supposed to feel that way about self-pl**süre.
Will talk about asexuality later today in front of my uni class.
I'mma let you know how it goes
Nothing.Niche. Never seen so many disinterested faces in the same room.
It also went horribly. There wasn’t a single critique the teacher left unsaid, I’m sure.
I shall try again with another coursework in a month or so.
On the other hand, my first ever girl crush asked me for a pen with those doe eyes and gorgeous smile of hers and let me tell you, I’m never throwing that pen away.
So let’s just say I had my reconciliation after a failed coursework
This was a wide a-spec community survey on discovering one’s a-spec identity. @aromagni and I ran it in 2019.
There were 1070 responses to the survey. 744 of these responses were complete - these participants completed the survey in its entirety. A large portion of respondents in this survey (42%) identified as aroace. Most were white Americans. As such, there is a demographic skew and these results are not representative of the whole a-spec community.
The vast majority of respondents indicated they are single. For those in partnerships, a large portion (over 60%) indicated they were dating. Many others indicated they were in unlabeled partnerships or QPRs, with other types of relationships less common.
Almost half of respondents did not identify as queer/LGBTQ+ before discovering their a-spec identities. Interestingly, although the word “aromantic” has not been as popular as “asexual” in many spaces, the earliest respondents identified as either of these was very close, in the early to mid ‘80s. For those who identify as broadly a-spec, the earliest year was 2008. The vast majority of respondents (82.37%) indicated they discovered asexuality before aromanticism. Only 1.79% of respondents indicated they discovered aromanticism first. The remaining 15% reported discovering aromanticism and asexuality around the same time. Similarly, the vast majority of respondents (i.e., 69.58%) indicated identifying as asexual before identifying as another a-spec identity.
Of the a-spec respondents that label different types of attraction, the most common labels relate to platonic and aesthetic experiences. Sexual attraction was the least commonly labeled type of attraction for this sample. Many respondents also indicated that labeling specifically is difficult.
In this survey, we grouped different respondents into a-spec categories, but this is not necessarily a useful or accurate thing to do. Nevertheless, we found some differences between different a-spec people in terms of their experiences of attraction, their relationship status, and whether they identified as queer before identifying as a-spec. The sample size here is small, so further research into these differences is highly recommended.
Imma change up my blog a little, cuz i found out i was aroace this week ✨ Probably going to post about that more than sapphic stuff, although i still have mad respect for sapphic tumblr
One of the privileges of being aromantic: you can laugh at people’s love problems, because it doesn’t make sense to you anyway. Side effects: may cause people to think you’re a psychopath
[ID: The nihilism meme. On the left, an image labelled “Stereotype” shows a person holding their head in their hands, captioned “I don’t experience sexual attraction…”. On the right, an image labelled “Reality” shows a boy smiling at the camera, captioned “I don’t experience sexual attraction!”. End ID]
As an Aroace person, I can say that this is very accurate.
fraysexual (also known as ignotasexual): only experiencing sexual attraction to those one is not deeply connected/familiar with. the attraction is lost when they get to know the person.
term coined by: edensmachine via mogai-archive (both now deactivated) in or before july 2014
ignotasexual was coined by aroacesafespace (deactivated) in or before december 2014
