#anorekxia
Jedyne co stoi pomiędzy tobą a twoim celem, to te bzdury które sobie mówisz , że nie dasz rady.
Ból jest tymczasowy, a zazdrość innych jest wieczna.
I have a question?
Do we all set our final goal weight to be underweight, bc that’s what we think it’s pretty and healthy. Or we set it like that bc we want validation, we want satisfaction, we want recognition. We want someone to finally care even if that means to destroy ourselves. We want to see that at least one thing in our life’s is working, even if it’s killing us slowly. This thought has me on choke thinking that my ed can only be just an unhealthy coping mechanism.
But ether way I won’t stop
Tbh I set my goal weight to 80 cause there was a really skinny girl who was my height (at the time like 4‘9) and was 83 pounds.
This was in eighth grade tho so I probably should adjust it.
Also people usually think I’m lighter than I am. I don’t know if I’m the delusional one but people always guess lower.
kilka zdjęć mojej thinspiracji
Sooo…
I’m back to this blog! I doubt my stay will be any more permanent than the last few times, but I guess I just wanted to provide a little update on myself.
In terms of my weight, things aren’t going very well. :( I’ve been sort of fluctuating and even going higher that what I would normally consider my base weight. I’m not sure exactly what is causing this; my best guess is that it could be stress. I haven’t even been weighing myself the past several weeks because it’s just too depressing for me to have to see the numbers going up.
In terms of my mental health, well… It depends on the day, or maybe even the hour. I’ve been stressing over work along with my regular anxieties. Though recently I haven’t been working due to illness (I’m pretty sure it’s not Covid but I still kind of want to get tested just in case). I’ve also recently gone on SSRI medication for anxiety, specifically generic Zoloft. I was honestly hoping to be put on a stimulant like Adderall or Vyvanse for my ADHD so that I could lose weight from it, but oh well, I guess. I can only do so much to control what my psychiatrist chooses to prescribe me. As much as I tried to put emphasis on my ADHD, I guess it was a bit more apparent(?) how much my anxiety was weighing on me.
LAST WEEK’S STATS (09.20.20)
Height: 5'2" (157cm)
Weight: 153.2lbs (69.5kg)
BF: 28.2%
BMI: 28.0 (Overweight)
NEW STATS (09.27.20)
Height: 5'2" (157cm)
Weight: 156.8lbs (71.1kg)
BF: 29.1%
BMI: 28.7 (Overweight)
IGAINEDby: +3.6lbs (+1.6kg), +1.5% BF, & +0.5 BMI Points
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Perhaps choosing to attempt eating a healthy amount of calories for weight loss was ✨a mistake.✨ Can y’all believe I had negative net calories every day for the entire week but STILL gained in the end???? Not even gonna lie, I’m seriously feeling scammed right now, what the fuck.
Recap of This Week’s Calorie Intake Here
I bought new underwear today but they don’t fit exactly how I wanted them to, so I’m going to try to see if they’ll fit right if I fast for an entire week (Sun-Sat)! Both of my parents are going to be out of town for the entire week too, so I don’t have to worry about any homecooked meals getting in my way!!
I’m gonna drink one last caloric drink before bed and then I’m going to use the toilet and weight myself after I wake up and log my new stats in a reblog of this post. See you guys (whoever sees this, if anyone) then!
Measured my new stats this morning and I wanna die. How’d I let myself reach obese status? I’m definitely making the right decision to fast this week.
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NEW STATS
Height: 5'2" (157cm)
Weight: 165.6lbs (75.1kg)
BF:31.8%
BMI: 30.3 (Obese)
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If things go well, I should be around 153lbs (69.4kg) with a BMI of around 28.0 at the end of my fast. Wish me luck; I’m gonna need it.
Okay, I’m a dumb bitch and keep failing really badly, so I’m changing my plans.
I’m gonna just stick to a few foods to snack on for the next couple of days, no meals or full plates, no cooked or processed food (besides dry cereal and crackers), and my drinks are limited to water, diet soda, and Arizona Lite (obviously that has calories, but I can’t help myself ). Anything outside of the base guidelines has be purged, NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wish I could have the same level of discipline to fast for days as I had before, but I guess I have to work myself back up to that level of control.
