i love food so much but i can’t have it. i don’t deserve it.

i need someone to tell me it’s all going to be ok. i need someone to tell me everyone isn’t going to leave me. that life gets better because i can’t do this anymore. life is so painful and ever is exhausting.

would i be prettier if i was skinner? would i be more loved if i was skinner? would more people have cared if i was skinner? why couldn’t i be skinner?

angelboygore:

everyone deserves to eat (yes that includes you person reading this)

Gum Fast :)

I have this habit where sometimes I will place a stick of gum in my mouth while I’m getting ready for work, then I chew it throughout my entire shift without switching it after it runs out of flavor and without taking it out to eat anything, and then, finally, I throw the gum away after I’ve gotten home and changed out of my uniform.

I find myself very proud of the restraint I display in not consuming any additional calories outside of the 5cal from the initial stick of gum during the 4 to sometimes even 10+ hours I spend at work. Not to mention the fact that I strangely find myself enjoying the taste of water more when I do this, even when there is no flavor left in my gum.

I’ve decided that I am going to attempt using this stategy to fast for longer periods of time. In my first ever attempt at this, I will see if I can fast for at least 48hrs (2 days) with one stick of gum in my mouth. My stretch goal will be 100hrs (a little over 4 days), though that may be difficult to achieve since I’m going to be working on day 3 and so I might need to eat that day in order to have strength for work. Like I said though, 100hrs is a stretch goal; I’ll be satisfied with just the initial 48hrs hours if that’s all I can do since it’s been quite a while since I’ve completed any sort of fast successfully. :)

LAST WEEK’S STATS (09.20.20)
Height: 5'2" (157cm)
Weight: 153.2lbs (69.5kg)
BF: 28.2%
BMI: 28.0 (Overweight)

NEW STATS (09.27.20)
Height: 5'2" (157cm)
Weight: 156.8lbs (71.1kg)
BF: 29.1%
BMI: 28.7 (Overweight)

IGAINEDby: +3.6lbs (+1.6kg), +1.5% BF, & +0.5 BMI Points

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Perhaps choosing to attempt eating a healthy amount of calories for weight loss was ✨a mistake.✨ Can y’all believe I had negative net calories every day for the entire week but STILL gained in the end???? Not even gonna lie, I’m seriously feeling scammed right now, what the fuck. 

Recap of This Week’s Calorie Intake Here

Holy shit. I actually lost weight for once.

LAST WEEK’S STATS (09.06.20)

Height: 5′2″ (157cm)

Weight:162.0lbs (73.5kg)

BF:30.6%

BMI:29.6 (Overweight)

NEW STATS (09.13.20)

Height: 5'2" (157cm)

Weight: 159.8lbs (72.5kg)

BF: 29.8%

BMI: 29.2 (Overweight)

ILOSTby: -2.2lbs (-1kg), -0.8% BF, & -0.4 BMI Points

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Proof for myself that you don’t need to water fast or jump into low restriction to lose weight, high* restriction can also be effective, and slow weight loss is still weight loss. What a concept!

*Different people have different definitions of what is a “high restriction”. For myself, I automatically consider 4 digit numbers, including 1,000, to be high restriction. So, I consider this past week of keeping my daily intake at ~1,000cal or lower to be high restriction.