#incorrect wolfstar quotes
remus: where were you born?
sirius: france
remus: oh? which part?
sirius: my whole body was born in france???
remus, on a platonic phone call with grant: you’re breaking up
sirius, jealous and oblivious: you’re breaking up?! :D
sirius: you have an attitude
remus: i know
remus: now fuck it out of me
Y/n : I think Remus has an unhealthy obsession towards chocolate
Remus : I am not obsessed with it!
Sirius : Did you forget when James shit on his pants back in first year because of you!?
Remus : I just want to buy your chocolate!
Sirius : IT DID NOT LOOK LIKE THAT!
Y/n : What happened?
Sirius : THIS HAPPENED!!
Sirius: Sometimes it irks me to no end how sickeningly genius Moony is!
Sirius: I mean he studied Hogwarts, A History to keep himself from dying of boredom-
Sirius: -When he was in kindergarten…
Sirius, to his neighbours: I’m going to microwave an unopened can of peaches and see what happens.
Sirius: *Dreamily* I heard it shrinks everything and I want some cute miniature peaches.
Sirius, an hour later: *Shouting from the porch* DON’T TRY THAT, PLEASE. OUR KITCHEN IS ON FIRE AND MY HUSBAND IS CHASING ME WITH A CANE SHOUTING MANICALLY!
Lily:I must know this, Sirius. Tell me, have you ever buried a bone?
Sirius: *Excitedly* Yeah!
Sirius: *Grinning ear to ear* In Remus!
Sirius: *Whines loudly and irritates Remus while they’re sitting in a park*
Muggle Police: Gentlemen, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you two to leave.
Sirius: If you want to get us out, you’ll have to torture us until we finally agree.
Remus: *Stares at the policeman pleadingly* You can start with him.
James: *Walks in on Sirius jumping Remus’s bones*
James: OH MY LORD, WHOA! WHAT THE FUCK… WHEN WOULD YOU TWO LEARN TO LOCK THE DOOR??!
Remus: If you can’t shut your damn mouth-
Sirius: -Shut your damn eyes!
Sirius: Wow, okay! This pair looks so damn slutty and the holes are positioned weirdly.
Sirius: This one isn’t that slutty even though it’s got more holes!
Remus: For the last time Sirius, just select a pair of jeans and get the hell out this shop. I can’t tolerate the looks people are giving us.
Remus: Call us if you face any problems.
James and Sirius: Like if we get caught or killed?
Lily: Yeah, but only the former. That’d be a damn problem indeed!
Remus: Sirius, please get up. It’s too late now.
Sirius: Noooo! Moony, I can’t. I just want to stay in bed all day and do nothing.
Remus:Don’t be so damn lazy! Come on now. You can do this.
Sirius: Whoa, don’t underestimate my incapability, my love!
Sirius: Does talking non stop make me look stupid?
Remus: What?! No!
Remus: Your stupid ass makes your stupid ass look stupid.
Lily: Who says negative reinforcement doesn’t produce positive results?
Remus: For example, behold these two men, trying not to move a muscle because the bet is whoever moves first won’t get laid tonight.
Sirius: When I was at the beach yesterday 2% people got burnt to a crisp by the sun.
Sirius: As for the other 98%, the reason was sheer jealousy when they saw me.
James, to Remus and Sirius: Hey, can I come over and stay the night at yours? Lily’s kicked me out for talking back to her.
Remus: Yeah, sure thing, Prongs!
Sirius: YES! I perform better with an audience!
sirius: hey remember that time i accidentally walked around telling everyone i got a hentai tattoo instead of a henna tattoo
remus: you mean the best day of my life?
remus: i recall
Remus: If I killed someone would you turn me in?
Sirius: No. But I’d use it against you all the time. I’d be like: Are you gonna walk the dog or am I going to have to make a call?
Sirius: I can’t understand British accent without subtitles
Remus: Pads, we both have British accent
Sirius:
Sirius: I said what I said.
Sirius, writing in his diary: I’m in love with my bestfriend.
James, secretly reading it over his shoulder: *horrified gasp*
Sirius: *exasperated sigh* I’m so tired of Covid.
Sirius: Like go away nasty, nobody wants you
Sirius: someone needs to do a ritual or something to chase it away
Sirius: *smiles mischievously* that ‘someone’ could be me
Sirius: *brings all the supplies for the ritual and starts setting things up*
Remus: babe, wtaf happened to our house?
Sirius, laughing nervously: well yeah about that-
*James and Sirius cuddling*
James: *mouths to Remus* I can take your man if I want to
Remus:I-
Remus: *brings Lily and hugs her while mouthing to James* I can take your girl if I want to
James:…
James: Let’s switch.
*James and Sirius cuddling*
James: *mouths to Remus* I can take your man if I want to
Remus:I-
Remus: Sirius, shut up
Sirius: MaKe mE ;)
Remus: *kisses him*
Sirius: *blinks rapidly and is about to faint* I- wOw do that again please
Remus: *smirks* No need to ask twice
*aggressive make out session*
