#not trek

going to confront my roommate tonight about making me take care of their puppy for 12hrs at a time multiple times a week. Wish me luck

railroadsoftware:

there will never be a more iconic film scene than the scene where obi-wan goes into a 1950s american diner run by a fat italian american alien to do a weird mockery detective movie about a sleeping dart that he retrieved from a bounty hunter hired by a bounty hunter and then in the background is greedo from the first star wars for no reason. it’s like. that level of film making will never ever ever come again.

@gaywatch​​KinnPorsche Ep. 6 reaction

Here again with another rec. (I know, I know. I only show up with a rec, but! But I just know you guys will love this. I KNOW!)

The rec: KinnPorsche. Thai BL mafia drama. 14 episodes. Rated NC-17. Think- every fandom’s mafiaAU come to life. First things first- watch the official trailer.

You are here, on tumblr, reading this in the year 2022 and thatis how I know you will like this show. Please have total confidence that you are the target audience and you will absolutely be pandered to in all the best possible ways.

Wait, what? What is this show again?

Unhinged rec under the cut:

So horny keeps being mentioned… For real?

Yes, for real. We’ve ‘only’seen asses thus far, but it is rated NC-17 so? At this point (episode 10) I would say the nudity/explicitness is HBO or R level, but the emotional intensity makes things feel NC-17.

So you say it’s 10 episodes in- why aren’t you waiting until it’s finished before reccing it?

I know? Why am I doing this? I usually never rec something before it’s finished, but you know what? The experience of watching this in real time has been the best fandom whirlwind consuming experience I’ve had since ONTD_star trek days. Seriously, waiting each week is most of the fun.

I mean, there’s the usual fic, theories and memes  but look at all this meta! We are also getting well fed by the creative team/production company. Like- the Thai version of the main theme is in one character’s POV, while the English version is in another’s. Each episode gets its own behind the scenes as well as actor/production crew episode reactions, (on iqiyi.com) and character stories. They will also randomly do things like post a bonus mini episode, host an episode watch at a movie theater with the cast and fans, and invite fans to a press conference which is also a concert because now the actors are in a band and going to tour the world? Love that energy.

Where do we watch?

Iqiyi.comis the official way, and the way I watch so I can’t speak to other sources. I’m sure it’s at the usual places. I use Iqiyi.com because it’s immediately available and I don’t want to wait hours for it to show up on other sites. Plus, I like that it’s an easy way for me to show support (they did go through a lot getting this show out). The site is doing a 2 free weeks promo now.

Other recs: What genre is KinnPorsche? Answer: Yes.andWhy you should be watching KinnPorsche

Here are two mainstream articles that are well worth the read. TeenVogueandRollingStoneIndia

After watching the episodes, I highly rec Gaywatch’s reaction vids(especially since I’m watching this show because of her, and hers are the best reactions out there)

And I need to end this post becasue OMG! I do know that this is a lot, and you need to get watching.

Watching Ted Lasso as someone who has daddy issues^tm and has had experience with anxiety attacks is both amazingly relatable and comforting AND painfully relatable and challenging to watch.

Ineed want a naptime buddy

cry me a river, you weren’t somebody’s “first choice.” bitch—I’ve never even been somebody’s last resort.

nobody:

the gas station where I get my Polar Pops: here have a Cookie Monster trying to eat the bakery display

(I’ve checked multiple times, he has no price tag/bar code, he is NOT for sale he seriously just there to be funny as hell)

happy pride

want to die

my life is very small

yet still I feel remarkably lonely

reffitt-blog1:

monapearlquo:

treasureofmy-heart:

on-the-outside:

bigbendyhorns:

blurrycow:

Made a new game to get to know your mutuals better :D like a bad icebreaker! Just digital! 

Format: “Hi, my name is______. I’m _____ years old and I’m here to steal your _______.”

I’ll go first: “Hi, my name is cow that is blurry. I’m an infinite amount of years old and I’m here to steal your breadsticks.”

TAG YOUR MUTUALS!

@burnmyself@frog-in-a-jumper@conchshell@assaily@sandersgrey @stupidcanofpeaches @jbd302020 Im forgetting someone aren’t i? Well, open tag, and also no pressure. Have fun and give jokey answers :P

Thanks for the tag @quakeismyhero

Hi, my name is PRINCE Loki of Asgard, I’m thousands of years old, and I’m here to steal you loyalty… as well as the hearts of nearly every Midgardian woman.

Tagging@smolbendyhorn,@zephyrmonkey,@lovelyfanatical,@laughingphoenixleader,@kanerallels,@thirteenmyspacegirl,@on-the-outside

why thank you

hi, my name is peter. i’m immortal and i’m here to steal your writing skills and motivation

@the-end-is-heree@hahaha-darn-it@solangeloslytherclaw@solis-angelus@i-love-books-more-than-anything@the-key-to-me-myself-and-i@quakeismyhero@treasureofmy-heart@dr-james-potter@tiny-gremlinss@fluffylionthoughts@carrotkee@fxbvlously-weird@im-on–standbi@fandom-science-assholery@feigning-folklore

thanks for the tag!

Hi, my name is Jamie. I’m infinity +1 years old, and I’m here to steal your gender. >:)

open tag!

Hi, my name is (p)Earl of Moans, I am 69 years old, and I am here to steal your books.

@holy-fudgeballs-bro@dachshund-games@blueberryexistence@lilisouless@earthbound-in-doubt@someguyiguess@reffitt-blog1@too-many-fandom@captain-ani@riecaloca1@assorted-bean@a-faith-forgotten-land@gingerbreadgodofhyperdeath@yonkitybonkity@ialmostdonothingnew@paqerings@unpredictable-probabilities

Thanks for the tag!

Hi, I’m Reffitt, I’m about to turn 31 and I’m here to steal your books and art supplies!

@candyheartdoe@skidsucker@jimkirkachu@twofingerswhiskey@readytospock@blushiberries@https-chaos@deuce-tiberius@thecommunityoftrustworthysinks@gembu-tortuesouscafeine@torito-otp@spocksbestfriend@spextronaut@spacehimbojim@justabackroundcharacter@aglmry@elquetzalnegro@thatgaldom@spirksporksprokskrop@ohiamahugefknnerd

Sorry if I miss anyone

thanks@reffitt-blog1

I’m Jim, 32 years old, here to steal your grossly oversized gas station sodas

(…and also your living wage, healthcare benefits, sense of purpose—)

You know how in Ocarina of Time, the people of Hyrule all experience seven years of Crap™ while Link sleeps in the Sacred Realm, and when he wakes up he realizes Ganondorf has taken over everything and the whole world has gone to hell so he has to fix it? And then at the end how Zelda hopes that sending him back to his childhood will allow him and everyone else to live the happy, peaceful lives they were meant to, implying that this time Ganondorf won’t gain power and nothing will go to hell in the first place?

OR you know how in Back to the Future Part II, Doc and Marty end up in the absolute nightmare that 1985 Hill Valley has become since Biff went back to ‘55 and gave himself the almanac, but then when the guys have fixed everything back in '55 the people of the original*/repaired '85 have no memory of Biff’s Hell '85™ because they never actually lived through it in their eventual experiences of the final/Real timeline?

…sometimes (no pun intended) I wonder if we’re currently living in the Hell Timeline or Hell Universe but our time-travelling hero just hasn’t fixed things yet before winding back the clock (maybe even flying around the earth to make it spin in retrograde??), resetting all our memories, and allowing us to wake up one day never having gone through the last [insert number] years. ‍

(And then my head inevitably starts hurting )

How can I not even have the decency or energy to at least write a proper, timely response to a compassionate note of moral support from a friend? And when did these insipid, literally-every-damn-day thoughts like “I’m cold/lonely” and “I need a hug” gain the power to alter my physiological ability to function??

nothing much, just obsessively pining for you at 4:30 in the morning even though you’ll never love me, same old same old

I feel like an absolute bastard. (cw gender stuff, names, pronouns, family drama)

As a way to update my parents about Janelle Monae saying in an interview that their pronoun is “free-ass muthafucka” (because gender goals x infinity!!!), I casually led into it by mentioning that my new therapist wanted to know my preferred name/nickname and pronouns—all as a means of getting to my stupid punchline, “they/them seems so much easier now, doesn’t it!” ha ha ha I thought we were cool, I’ve been making pronoun jokes since I came out to them last September because I know it’s weird for them to go from having a daughter to having an adult child / offspring / neither daughter nor son. I get it. And I’ve really tried to be cool about them continuing to Female me while also trying to gradually/gently push them with things like… my Kirk haircut, sharing trivia or articles about NB stuff with them (e.g. the Janelle Monae news), etc. Anyway, I didn’t think any of that would come up again, but I’m clearly an idiot because I’ve spent 32 and a half years with one parent who Never Forgets Anything and Never Lets Any Little Detail Go Unnoticed.

Six hours later, my mother asks me what my answers had been when my therapist asked me to pin them down more concretely than “either way, whatever you prefer.” ((Aside: apparently therapists want to know the Real You? and having other people decide who the Real Me is… is not what they mean by that??)) I knew I was trapped but I never want to lie to my mom, right? So I told her honestly that my therapist will be referring to me as “they/them” and “Jim” (aka Not my legal name/what my family calls me, as well as a name which traditionally is given to people who are the “opposite” of my agab). (I also reminded her that my previous therapist knew me as Jim, too, hoping that might soften the blow.) Again: I get it. I knew before I said it that it was going to hurt her because I’m choosing to have certain people call me by a name that’s not the one she and dad gave me when I was born. I understand that it’s hard for them. I understand why it’s hard for them.

(And this makes no never mind, but… it’s hard for me, too. But I know, that’s beside the point.)

After a long, very uncomfortable silence, she said, “Is it okay if I keep saying she/her?” So I counted to five in my head and said it’s fine, because I honestly never expected her or my dad to be fully understanding of any of this. But now (and not for the first time) I’m very much wishing I’d just never come out to them at all, because at least that way I wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up when they responded by claiming that my being NB was fine and claiming that they would be totally supportive/accepting of it. My expectations were low before they knew because I assumed they would be honest with me about how it made them feel, which I assumed would be along the lines of “betrayed,” “inconvenienced,” “confused,” “disappointed,” “skeptical,” “disrespected,” and/or “we failed our child.“ It seems that when they were so chill about it up front, I forgot to keep expecting those reactions in delayed forms, and I guess I let myself believe that they would actually make the effort to shift some of their thinking about me, maybe even start using they/them for me, etc.

Turns out they were enthusiastic to declare their support (which I greatly appreciate, don’t get me wrong) but putting that support into practice has proven to be harder than I think they realized. “Too much has changed too fast” is what I’ve been told now… even though I’m not transitioning to male, I’m not doing HRT or having surgeries, I’m still dressing the same on a daily basis (just changing my “fancy” wardrobe), and the only thing that’s physically different is that I’ve stopped shaving my legs (which neither of them has even noticed because I only wear long pants).

Anyway she just happened to ask me all this as she was on her way to bed. So there was another awkward silence before she said goodnight, and if 32 years’ experience has enabled me to read any of her moods correctly, then she started crying as soon as I was out of earshot. (I would have confirmed and/or tried to get her to talk to me about it but I’m running, like, a spoon deficit at this point.)

So is my lack of much visible change the problem, then? Is this breaking my mom’s heart because I’m not different enough from my “old” self? Would this be easier in some way if I was transitioning and she could, idk, genuinely mourn the daughter she no longer has? And despite losing a daughter at least she would have a “replacement” kid whose gender still Made Sense to someone entrenched in the gender binary for almost seven decades? Or would it just make things worse?

Should I have simply lied and said I’m going by my legal name with my therapist, because how will my mom ever know that anyway? Has this name thing crushed her so bad because not much else has changed about me otherwise, so she didn’t see it coming? Or am I genuinely the asshole for expecting her to be more supportive/validating too soon, and I just need to be more patient?

((Tangent: she witnessed a really bad impostor-syndrome meltdown of mine a few months ago. I was trying to figure out what to wear to a church function and eventually got so frustrated—and convinced that I’m not really NB, just a pathetic ugly female who hates herself/her body—that I told her to pick out a damn dress for me and take me to a wig shop so I could try and undo everything I’ve done to try and hate my biologically female body a little bit less. And she responded by telling me to wear the pants/button-down/sweater aka “masc-ish” outfit I’d started with. So… is it only if I’m in crisis/panic mode that she can get on board with my being NB? Did my meltdown help her put her own misgivings about this aside? Or was she only okay with my being NB before it included having new people in my life call me by a different name??))

I keep trying to pinpoint what I’ve done wrong, and every time I re-do the math I still can only come up with, “…I was born.” But that wasn’t even my fault. I just feel incredibly selfish for trying to get them to see me the way I see myself. I keep thinking that if I don’t feel female, that’s my problem and I should have kept it to my damn self. If my identity is, in fact, Jim + they/them + non-binary, fine, but I feel like I should have known better than to reveal—to the people who named me and raised me—that I don’t really feel, and never really have felt, like I actually am the person we all assumed I was for 31 years because there didn’t seem to be an alternative.

And this is precisely why I started things off with my new therapist by trying to make her decide whether to call me she or they, Jim or my real name. More than anything—more than being sane, healthy, or alive—Iwantnotto be a burden on others.

But that’s all I ever seem to be able to do without fail.

just when I feel like I finally have the spoons to catch up on inbox asks, I have a close call almost-encounter with the Abuser and it screws me up the entire rest of the day

can’t believe life peaked for me when an alleged Shatner/Kirk lookalike anonymously offered to hug me through the internet

no, that checks out… what I actually can’t believe is that I turned them down because I have no self worth

just.

would captain kirk PLEASE report to jtkchu’s quarters with a phaser set on vaporize or obliterate or whatever and just get rid of them already?

To anyone and everyone who has ever interacted with me: I am so sorry; you deserve so much better. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, just know that I’m really sorry to have bothered you.

I’m sorry for being such a naïve and irritating buffoon