this is gonna be a long one but if the title applies to you, i IMPLORE you to read the whole thing. if it doesn’t, please reblog. you might save someone from this fucking nightmare.
i found a diary entry on the day that i decided to go on tumblr and search up “thinspo”. i was feeling awful about my body for some time but never really thought about calories or eating less or anything.
i wrote (verbatim): “i don’t want to have an eating disorder or anything, i just want to lose 10lbs”
not even a month later, it was like nothing could stop me from reaching my goal. i kept telling myself i wasn’t in too deep. i ate 500 cals a day and no more. i exercised 300 cals away.
now, the only thing i want is that blissful ignorance. not even thinking twice about my body. not caring what i ate. understanding the boundaries of healthy eating. not feeling faint and dizzy when standing up.
I WISH THAT I HAD SEEN A POST TELLING ME THAT IF YOURE LOOKING AT THINSPO “just to motivate you,” THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A PROBLEM AND THE START OF A CYCLE YOU WILL REGRET EVER BEGINNING AS SOON AS YOU REALIZE YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER YOUR ADDICTION TO STARVING. at this time in my life i would listen to NOBODY and NO POST could stop me from slowly crawling into the arms of my developing eating disorder. BUT IM BEGGING YOU, IF YOU ARE BEGINNING THIS STRUGGLE, GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL HAVE CONTROL. you see all these posts telling you that over 1,000 calories is disgusting and so on, DO NOT LISTEN. PLEASE! you have no idea how quickly this shit can get in your head. no matter what your intentions for going on the ana tags are, LEAVE THEM NOW IF YOU STILL CAN. LEAVE AND DONT LOOK BACK. OR ELSE YOU WILL END UP DISORDER RIDDEN AND HATING YOURSELF LIKE ME, because once you’ve been here long enough, it doesn’t matter if you hit your UGW or you’re still at your sw; you will always always always see yourself as fat. that is a promise. and it’s disgusting.
this is a dirty, horrible disease that teaches you to hate yourself. it perpetuates symptoms of anxiety and depression and causes thoughts and feelings that you never believed possible in yourself. it destroys your identity, your relationships, you family life, your grades, your ambitions, and your health. if you have a choice not to fall into it, DONT FUCKING DO IT. don’t fucking do it for the love of god.
I do not like telling anyone that they are being unkind! And I’m sure this won’t be a pleasant thing to read. But even if your friend WERE overplaying their suffering–which is not a nice thing at all to assume about someone you care about!–would it be your place to correct them? You’re their friend, not their therapist! I believe you can be a better friend than this!
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“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; but eventually it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hand inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past - the memories - and make peace with them.”
“Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn’t take a day. It takes a lot of little steps to be able to break free of your broken self.”
