This is just a short directory to explain, in one sentence or two, what these concepts mean, and what the use of each skill is by defining it. Come to this page if you can’t remember what IMPROVE or DEAR MAN stands for, but don’t want to have to read the long post that introduced those skills on SBD.
See the DBT Skills Masterpost for posts that go into each of these skills or sets of skills in depth.
Mindfulness Skills:
Wise Mind: The Wise Mind is the balance between Emotion Mind and Logic/Reasonable Mind
Observe:Notice without getting caught in the experience. Experience without reacting to the experience.
Describe:When a feeling or thought arises, or you act, acknowledge it with a description of the thought or action or sensation, etc. Describe to yourself what is happening and label your feelings.
Participate: Enter into your experiences, act intuitively, be completely immersed in the experience, in the present.
Non-Judgmental:See, but don’t evaluate. Focus on the “what” happened, not on what “should” or “should not” have happened.
One-Mindful: Focus on the moment–do one thing at a time and completely focus on what you are doing or whom you are with. Let go of distractions.
Effective: Do just what is necessary in a situation to achieve your goals. Focus on what works, and direct your efforts there. Act skillfully, because the more you practice acting skillfully, the more Effective you will become at attaining your goals.
Distress Tolerance Skills:
STOP:Stop,Take a step back, Observe,Proceed Mindfully
TIP:Temperature,Intense Exercise, Paced Breathing/Paired Muscle Relaxation/Progressive Muscle Relaxation (used to change your level of distress quickly)
Distract using Wise Mind ACCEPTS: Distract yourself with Activities,Contributing,Comparisons,Emotions,Pushing away, Thoughts,Sensations
Self-Soothe: Use the senses (vision, hearing, taste, smell, touch) to soothe your physical self in order to make your emotions less painful.
IMPROVE the Moment: Improve the moment with Imagery,Meaning,Prayer,Relaxation,One thing in the moment, Vacations,Encouragement
Pros and Cons: Examine the short term and long term pros and cons of acting and not acting on your urges/impulses using a chart.
Radical Acceptance/Reality Acknowledgement: Acknowledge what is, let go of fighting or denying reality. Use TURNING THE MIND to commit to acknowledgement over and over again.
Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills:
Clarified Priorities: What is most important to you in this interpersonal interaction 1) Obtaining your objective, 2) Maintaining the relationship, or 3) Maintaining your self-esteem/sense of self-worth
DEAR MAN:Describe,Express,Assert,Reinforce, stay Mindful,Appear confident, Negotiate (used for saying “no” or asking for something; obtaining your objective)
GIVE:BeGentle, act/be Interested,Validate, use an Easy manner (used for maintaining a relationship)
FAST:BeFair, no Apologies,Stick to values, be Truthful (used to maintain your self-esteem/sense of self-worth)
Emotion Regulation Skills:
PLEASE: For reducing vulnerability, treat PhysicaL illness, balance Eating, avoid mood-Alerting drugs (as in street drugs or non-prescription drugs), balance Sleep, get Exercise
ABC: Accumulate Positive Emotions/Experiences: For reducing vulnerabilities in the Short Term: Do pleasant things that are possible now. For reducing vulnerabilities in the Long Term: Make changes in your life so that positive events will occur more often. This helps “build a life worth living for you.”
ABC: Build Mastery: Engage in activities that make you feel competent and in control.
ABC: Cope Ahead: Cope ahead of time with emotional situations. Rehearse a plan ahead of time so that you are prepared to cope skillfully with emotional situations.
Opposite Action: Change emotions by acting opposite to current emotions/urges. Used for when emotions don’t fit the facts of a situation.
Check the Facts: Check out whether your reactions (emotional or behavioural) fit the facts of the situation. Changing beliefs and assumptions to fit the facts can help you change your emotional reactions to situations.
Problem Solve: When the facts themselves are the problem, solving emotional problems consistently and effectively will reduce the frequency of negative emotions and increase your sense of competency in regards to dealing with these emotions/urges.
If you have borderline personality disorder or are struggling to control your emotions, try DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) it’s serriously a life saver if you stick with it!
Hey friends! It’s been a hot minute (i.e. months, maybe years???) since I’ve written much of anything personal on this blog. But I thought I’d break the cycle of endless reblogging to mention that I’ve been going to a DBT skills group for the past couple of months.
For those of you who aren’t familiar with DBT (a.k.a. Dialectical Behavior Therapy), it’s a very structured form of therapy. (Think: CBT + mindfulness.) Each week, I’m given a ton of handouts and worksheets, some of which I *actually* read and others that I mean to read but never get around to. At this point, I have a thick binder full of half-read DBT handouts.
Long story short, I’m going to go through all of my DBT stuff and share it with you. I think writing a series of posts about DBT will help me process the information, and maybe it’ll be helpful for you, too. :-)
I’m going to write the first post later today, so be on the lookout for it!
If you’ve ever felt invalidated when someone immediately starts to fix something you just wanted to vent about or poured your heart out to someone only for them to say they can’t talk right now, these skills are for you.
Here are two questions you can ask to avoid these situations- one for when you want to share something and one for when you were just shared with. Each one helps establish #boundaries and expectations that will avoid misunderstandings and distress, contributing to your relationship effectiveness!
We all have interpersonal rights. Yup, even you! Swipe through to see our Interpersonal Bill of Rights. Would you add any of your own? How do you feel reading these?
For many of us, flying is a stressful experience. Even more so now due to Covid. I recently took a trip home to visit my parents for the first time since the pandemic started. I used to find flying terrifying but overcame that phobia through therapy and practice. Now it’s just….ugh.
Here are some tips I learned from my vacation to make your travels as comfortable as possible: -Bring a comfort item like a stuffed animal or blanket. Having this familiar item will help keep you grounded. -Get noise-cancelling headphones. Even cheap ones are worth it just to cut a little of the plane noise out. -Chew gum to pop your ears as the plane rises and descends. -Bring a pillow. You’ll probably want to nap to pass the time (or bc you left for the airport at 3:30am like me) and could use some support for your neck. -Distract yourself. Read, watch a movie, listen to music. Do anything to take your mind off your situation.
Hope these help your next flight! Stay skillful, Kat
Here’s a #DBT skill that can calm you down FAST. It’s a good skill to use when you’re experiencing an extreme emotion like anger, despair, panic, etc. It can even help prevent the use of a target behavior. Swipe through to learn more about #TIPP and get some examples of how to use it.
As the #Olympics wrap up, we wanted to share an Olympics of our own: the #DBT Olympics. We here at #OnlineDBTSkills pride ourselves on being able to relate anything to DBT. We’ve matched some classic summer Olympic events to a corresponding DBT skill.
I get overwhelmed easily when I’m not taking care of myself. I won’t feel my best and then before I know it, everything is terrible and I feel doomed.
Despite how I’m feeling, there ARE things that can help. Here’s what I do when I’m feeling overwhelmed:
1. I check my PLEASE skill. Am I hungry? Am I tired? Am I feeling sick? Did I miss my meds? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, I make sure to meet those physical needs asap.
2. I clock out for the rest of the day. When I’m feeling overwhelmed, the thought of doing even one more thing can totally break me. So if I’m able, I take a ‘mental health day’ for the rest of the day. I push all important tasks to the next day.
3. I engage in comfort activities. I watch a favorite movie, pet my cat, have a nice snack.
4. I sleep. If the overwhelm gets too strong, I hit that reset button and spend some time unconscious. Whether it’s a nap or an early bed time, I usually wake up feeling much better.
Remember: if you’re feeling like it’s the end of the world, it’s usually your body/mind being dramatic as a way to ask for something it needs like food or rest.
Try out these suggestions the next time you’re feeling overwhelmed and let me know what works for you!
You might think that since I’m a #DBT group moderator & a DBT graduate myself, that I’m immune to the struggles our students go through. That’s not the case. I can’t tell you the number of times we talk through something in group and it happens in my life right after!
Last week in group we discussed how sometimes you can have the best #DEARMAN imaginable but if you use it at the wrong time (think: 3am) or when the other person is distracted, it might not work out.
So guess what happened in my life a few days later? Yup, a DEAR MAN at the wrong time that negatively affected the relationship. We worked it out in the end but man, it was deja vu.
I’m not immune to struggles in life or in mental health (and neither is Alicia!). I find myself in the same situations y'all do, I just have a few more skills under my belt to deal with them.
DBT saved my life but that doesn’t mean it’s perfect. It’s especially important to critique the system bc this life-saving treatment isn’t available to everyone.
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