Every day is just another game of Twister

You turning the spinner

Testing how many ways I’m willing to bend for you until I break.

There isn’t a call you could make

That will unwind the way my guts hang around each other

Contemplating why you are being distant or estranged.

And I’m starting to realize

You may not be mine at all

Belonging only to the version of me that feels safe to be seen

Right foot, green.

Like most winter days

With frozen toes

And purple eyes

I spend my time

Drinking tea and shuddering

At the brown, barren world

Wondering if I am perhaps cursed

With too much empathy

That I lay

Like a crunchy leaf

Under the gathering clouds of my own reality

Also waiting for permission

To become part of the dirt

Until I find the strength to be Green once again

I hate the way my mouth tastes after hanging up the phone, eyes and chest heavy, concaving like styrofoam. My thoughts boil rapidly; clumsy lines, blurred vibes, inability to process the emotion behind your reverberating sighs. These bubbles press against my temple as my abdomen begins to tremble-deep lines cutting into my expression, taking form with artistic repression.

Every unfiltered word splinters in a thousand directions, your adoration for my quirks measured loosely by your conditional affection. One day I’m bold and the next I’m aggressive; I don’t know how to be feminine, yet also progressive. You ache for my voice and then speak over me like rain;

I’m trapped in your water, numbed by the pain.

You don’t get to tell me

When to stop being angry

You don’t get to decide

When my head stops pounding

And my bones stop breaking

Over you

It is not my job

To make you more comfortable

About the choices you’ve made

You chose to be

A Gaslighter

Now watch my body

Burn

@lovergirlpoems

“My heart mimics

The torture

Of all the Greats

But I do not have to

Hate women

Or my liver

To do so.”

@lovergirlpoems

“I want my lover to drag a finger

Down my spine

Whispering into the gentle blue of morning

Mine

Mine

Mine.”

“Is it love, or is it pain?” I asked, blood clogging all the muscles in my brain. “No matter child,” she whispered; “sooner or later it all starts to taste the same.”

You can find the link to my book and Etsy shop in my bio. ❤

Poem from my poetry book She’ll Find the Sky

Red
Mary Ruefle

I fucking depended on you and
you left the fucking wheelbarrow
out and it’s fucking raining
and now the white chickens
are fucking filthy

–

(AfterWilliam Carlos Williams.)

Today in: 

2021: Bathing, Allison Seay
2020:A Small Moment, Cornelius Eady
2019:You Meet Someone and Later You Meet Their Dancing and You Have to Start Again, David Welch
2018:Henry Clay’s Mouth, Thomas Lux
2017:When Your Small Form Tumbled into Me, Tracy K. Smith
2016:Eve Recollecting the Garden, Grace Bauer
2015:from I Love A Broad Margin To My Life, Maxine Hong Kingston
2014:Gift, Czeslaw Milosz
2013:This Be The Verse, Philip Larkin
2012:We Did Not Make Ourselves, Michael Dickman
2011:Happiness (3), Jean Valentine
2010:When I Think, Jeanne Marie Beaumont
2009:The Poem, Franz Wright
2008:Morning Poem, Robin Becker
2007:Supple Cord, Naomi Shihab Nye
2006:Wish For a Young Wife, Theodore Roethke
2005:The Benjamin Franklin of Monogamy, Jeffrey McDaniel

more

is it so wrong to always be looking for more?
in taxis and churches and cinema halls,
where people appear like they didn’t before,
with nothing but silence to fill them all.

grey

i.

if you asked me how i’m feeling, i’d paint the colour grey

i don’t know what it means, but you know what i’m trying to say

or at least, i hope you do

at least, i hope you do

.

if you asked me how i’m feeling

let me ask you another question, do i look grey?

i don’t know the answer, but i forgot my colour pencils today

you can go and help them paint

.

ii.

i heard the preacher say, think with both your head and your heart

i don’t know what it means, but i know i cry too hard

or at least, you think i do

at least, you think i do

.

if i tore open a wound

you wouldn’t open it up

why can’t it be, the same with my heart?

i’ll take down the sales sign, keep my words for myself

the grey paint’s been spilled all over the shelves

MYSELF

you are that song i love but i always forget to play

you’re stuck in me forever

your ghost is a part of me

“Never make yourself more

palatable for others;

they’ll either eat you whole,

or nibble you away

in bite-sized chunks.”

- d.c.

“Solitude comes to visit me

Solitude loves me.”

- Ephemeral, Pip

“My skin shines crimson red. I am sweetest fruit, an irresistible delicacy to taste but this is a superficial illusion underneath my skin, I have worms; worms that crawl about and make my insides rot. The rot never stops I try to hold it at bay but the worms never die my rot spreads about yet I desperately hold my facade this false life is all I have I am afraid to show my rot I am afraid to show my horrid truth it would strike fear and disgust on beholders and the sweet fruit I appear to be, would no longer be so, I made my choice all my days I will pretend hoping that no one sees my rot but a part of me begs for a different outcome part of me wants someone to see my rot and how I wish to see pity in their eyes.”

- The Rot, Himeros

hellorheels:

You are:

Elegant, eloquent, bewitching.

I am stumbling, shushed, bewildered.

In a world wild enough

To make both of us

Isn’t it easy to imagine

It made us lovers, too?

Everyday I wake up

I hope something will change

But all I see is more lines on my face

The demons are laughing at the angels

That are supposed to protect me

Time passes by

There is only decay

All of my prayers keep running away

The darkness has depression

And there is no escape

༄

I’ve dealt with uncertainty so recklessly

Control is like a drug

That works for a while

Until it doesn’t

Life starts to unfold unexpectedly

It’s not romantic to iron bed sheets that have a crease

I am biting my bottom lip until it bleeds

I wish I was resilient

Could take life with grace

I’ve dealt with uncertainty so recklessly

And now I know no other way

༄

Can you recognize me without looking at my face?

See me without eyes & walk in my thoughts

Swim in the redness of my blood that doesn’t bleed

Touch me with your mind’s caress

Kiss me with unseen lips

Our bodies are dying

Eternal is the soul

So hold me without hands

And never let me go

༄

Sunshine is such a good lover

I like the way she burns

She veils my body with her warmth

I am dressed only in her light

She opens me up like a flower

But she never spends the night

༄

They told me that home was a place

But your skin

Your eyes

That smile

My head on your chest

Drifting to the beat of your heart

That’s my home

༄

Finally

I didn’t chase what was walking away from me

I resisted the urge to beg and plead

I felt the pain

And accepted rejection

Time and tears gave birth to my resurrection

The answer to every question

Came in the stillness of disassociation

I am more than enough

And do not need male validation

To prove I am worthy to exist in this world

As a woman

༄

Down

Down

Down she goes

Into that endless black hole

No ladder

No hand of a friend

Nothing can make the darkness end

༄

Hurting and healing

Like the rise and fall of my breath

༄

Her face split open from his fists

Her heart split open from his cruelty

Her mind split open from the inability to understand it all

༄

He is my culture

The language that I speak

The flavor I taste on my tongue

His love drips like honey

And I am the bee

Love is our song

We both sing the melody

He is dressed in my shadow

I am veiled in his light

He is my culture

My country

My life

༄

There is a special intimacy

When one speaks and is understood

Comprehend me

Listen to me my love

༄

Staring out the window

Dust floating in sunbeams

Its then that I realize

There is not one single impossibility

The air holds the dirt so delicately

It is so free inside the light

Maybe If I keep floating

I can make it through this life

༄

He didn’t delicately hurt me

Like a hollywood heartbreak

He shattered the very essence of me

༄

When you were gone

My eyes were dry

But my heart would weep

Being apart was a violent grief

༄

I was searching

For the perfect one

But his imperfections

Were what made me fall in love

༄

I guess there is absolutely nothing more to say

Except, I wish we had more time together

I wish we had all of time

༄