I was remembering how earlier this year I was using the labels “homoromantic asexual” or “ace lesbian” to describe myself. For a few months, those labels helped me understand the lesbian experience and how I related to it and ultimately to know if I was really a lesbian or not. I knew I was asexual and I was sure of that part of me, but… romantic attraction was always more complicated to understand bc I didn’t know if I had felt it or not.
I was sure that I didn’t feel attracted to men at all (romantically or sexually) but women… it had me wondering; aesthetic attraction and all haha. Hence, why the lesbian label helped me understand that. I came to understand that I do experience platonic and emotional attraction very strongly towards women/female aligned people but it has never been romantic in nature. Eventually, I learned I’m an aromanticasexual person. I’ve never experienced romantic attraction and I had mistook it for platonic attraction towards my similar gender all along. I had never desired a romantic partner either, it was more of the idea of one. But I’ve never felt that desire directed at someone specific, regardless of gender.
I guess I’m writing this for anyone out there that needs it: it’s okay to be confused, it’s okay to be wrong and think you’re x when you’re actually z. It’s okay to try on different labels and find the ones that describe your experience better, the ones that you’re comfortable with. It’s okay. I promise
Yea I went through something similar.
My crush on that one girl faded over the holidays and when I realized, I was baffled for a moment. That had never happened before.
But looking back at my “feelings”, I realized I was right every time I said it wasn’t a crush. It truly wasn’t.
I just admire that girl A LOT, I still do. But those weren’t romantic feelings nor seggsual attraction. It was just me “forcing” myself to put those unnamed emotions into a perfectly labeled box, as per usual.
Plus, I have a history of always having someone to “obsess over” in order to excuse myself for not paying attention in class or to procrastinate stuff I’m supposed to be doing.
Truth is, I’m way happier when I’m “crush-free” and not thinking of someone at all. I wish I could uninstall this need to have “an object of affection” when I just don’t want to have it.
OP is right. It’s okay to think that you’ve finally found the labels that suit you and later to realize that they don’t fit as well as you thought. It’s okay to skim through multiple labels until you find the right one(s). Or not. Deciding to stay sans-label isn’t a bad thing either.
Good thing queer exists, I use it for more often than you think
I like microlabels! I like to find tons of words that describe my experience and that more people feel the same way; that I’m not alone in that experience. I can think of at least 3 microlabels from the aro spectrum that fit me well, but in reality I just call myself aromantic! I use umbrella terms to describe myself when coming out, but I’m not opossed to the idea of having a bunch of microabels too . In the end it’s all about what makes you the most comfortable, I think.
I had this thought today: if someone where to ask me out, like a random person I barely knew, I would most probably feel very uncomfortable about it, even if they were the coolest or prettiest person in the room (no matter their gender). I would politely say no and excuse myself but this got me thinking…
What if someone that’s close to me where to ask me out on a date? Like one of my friends… would I agree? Would the thought of it being romantic make uncomfortable but us going on a date PLATONICALLY make me feel more at ease? Yeah, probably… has anyone else felt this? Is this a thing? When you like going on dates but not when it is in a romantic way?
Aroace spectrum combo moodboard featuring the flag by @itsrainingsomewhereelse for everyone on both the aro and ace spectrum. All photos used are my own photography, please credit me that if you re-use.
[Image description: six stripes of photos themed to the colors of the aroace spectrum flag. From top to bottom there’s string lights hanging against black night, a close up on the inside of a blossoming purple flower, clear grey ocean waters in the sunlight, white clouds against a light blue sky with a slight tree to the side, a close up of bright green grass in the sunlight, and finally darker green foliage. End description.]
[Image description: Drawing of a snake with its head in the air, eye closed, and tongue out. It is striped. The stripes are coloured like the arospec flag. End description.]
Welcome to the seventh edition of #AggressivelyArospecWeek!
#AggressivelyArospecWeek (#AAW) is a week-long event promoting the creation of arospec fancontent by arospec creators. (Arospec = on the aromantic spectrum. If you’re currently questioning whether you are yourself arospec, please feel free to join as well.)
Our event aims to create a space where arospec creators are free to explore their identities through fanwork. We believe that fandom is a great way to share our passions, our interests and to empower one another in our arospec identities. All while having loads of fun!
Please join us from June 19 to June 25 2022 and enjoy a small explosion of arospec fancontent on you dash. Bring it to other people’s dash and help our community share its stories!
You’re welcome to submit any type of content for the event, whether it be fanfic, headcanons, mixtapes, fanart,… Really anything goes!
Any content you submit must be centered around a character’s arospec identity (whether that character is canonically arospec or you headcanon them as such.) Content can be about any fandom whatsoever!
To submit, please make a new post between June 19th and the 25th and tag it as #AggressivelyArospecWeek. You can also submit your work directly to our blog through the askandsubmission boxes. Your post will then be shared on the Aggressively Arospec blog.
We also have a Twitter account, so use the hashtags #AggressivelyArospecWeek and #AAW22 if you tweet about your work on there. You can also mention us in your tweet (@ AArospec) to be sure we don’t miss it and can retweet it. Please, do submit through tumblr if you can though! That is the best way to get your contribution archived with all the others.
Lastly, a collection will be opened on Archive of our Own to round up all the fanfics posted on there. Just search for “Aggressively Arospec Week ‘22″.
We can’t wait to see what you have in store for us this year!
(For more information, check out our About page or our FAQ section. If you need some inspiration, you can also check out the content that was created during out previous events in our #AggressivelyArospecWeektag.)
[short image ID; nine cute drawings of manta rays, all identical except for the colors, which are colorpicked from pride flags. The flags are loveless aromantic, lovequeer, aromantic allosexual, sapphic, polysexual, aromantic spectrum, angled aromantic asexual, demiboy, and cupio. End short image ID]
Does asexuality cause people to perceive their gender differently? Like, I’m not sure if I’m nonbinary or anything, but I definitely feel disconnected from my gender, and have noticed a trend that other asexual people are more likely to be nonbinary than other sexualities.
Does the lack of sexual attraction lead to that disconnection to your gender? As in, not being able to relate to the others of your assigned gender in the same way due to not being in touch with sexuality in the same way as them? It may also be similar with aromantics, I’m not sure.
If anyone has any further input or ideas on this I’d love to know because I’m really interested in this concept.
