#male ed

Food diary: 11/09/2020

Breakfast: Black Coffee, vitamin D, biotin, 20g of almonds

120 cal

Lunch: 1 cup lentil soup, ½ cup rice, 75g grilled chicken, 1 tbsp bbq sauce

475 cal

Dinner: 1 cup lentil soup

180 cal

Total: 775 calories

I want to be more active on here but i kind of feel like I’m talking to an empty room sometimes so I forget. I wasn’t restricting for a few weeks and my weight kind of stabilized around 160 but I don’t like how it feels. I can feel fat where I didn’t have it before. I don’t really recognize my body as my own and it’s really dyshoric. I don’t hate how I look and my body is healthy but like? It feels at odds w how I feel abt my gender. Like I see a healthy dude but I don’t like the idea of being like a burly man iykwim lmfao. Same way I feel about chest hair. Like, it’s fine and I don’t hate it but it I feel more myself with out it. Non binary things

Food diary

Breakfast

Rose and mint tea, almonds

140 calories

Lunch

10 asparagus spears

1 small tilapia filet

½ cup Pineapple avocado coleslaw ( coleslaw mix, sliced pineapple, diced tomato, diced red onion, chopped cilantro, avocado in place of Mayo, lime juice, and salt)

275 calories

Dinner

Tilapia filet w coconut milk and red peppers

Sweet coconut rice ( rice, a bit of honey, and a bit of low fat coconut milk)

475 calories

Snack

Tortilla chips and pineapple avocado coleslaw as salsa but a added a bit of mayo to make it extra creamy

360 calories

Total:1250 calories

— — — —

Today was nice, I’ve been pretty good since the 28th of December. Before then I was just eating whatever and i gained little weight, unfortunately :/ I’ve been working out a little bit every day and it is keeping me on track. Even light work outs are helpful so I don’t feel like a failure. With my ED in the past the most difficult thing to deal with is my all or nothing mentality. Like, if I don’t work out one day I may as not well work out for a month OR if I ate one unhealthy thing I may as well eat the rest. So doing small work outs and having at least ONE healthy meal a day reminds me to stay on track and not catastrophize for making small mistakes.

I rode my bike for about 45 minutes through out the day, 5-10 minutes of jumping jacks and I also played just dance for a bit :) I probably burned about 700 calories from working out. Also trying to stand more so I burn more calories.

I forgot to log yday :( but here’s a rundown

Breakfast: skip/coffee

Lunch: salad (cucumbers, tomatoes, red onions, avocado feta, mint, and cilantro)

Small piece of chicharon, the way my mom fries it she renders almost all of the fat out until it’s practically porn rinds lol

A small bowl of beans and collard greens

450~650 calories

Dinner:

3 tortillas, two eggs, some refried black beans, feta, sour cream and my homemade hot salsa

580 calories

Total 1030-1230 calories

My intake was a little higher yday I was under 1000 for ten days. I definitely feel hungrier when I eat more lmao which is so weird. But my body has gotten used to eating less pretty quickly. Hope fully it lasts and I’m not having crazy cravings in a few days :| but I think treating myself every few days is rly helpful in maintaining focus. One day of a few bits of comfort food every few days isn’t going to stop my progress overall. I do feel kinda guilty tho :| I wish I didn’t but I do.

Breakfast: skip/ black coffee

Lunch:

I made super big cabbage pancakes! So yummy and so filling! Didn’t get hungry until around 9pm!!

Cabbage 160g
Onion 25g
Kimchi 10g
Ap Flour 25g
Sesame oil ½ tsp

Stirred up and placed in an electric omelet maker! Then topped kinda like okonomiyaki!

Topping:
Sour cream 1tbsp
Hoisin 1tbsp
Sriracha 1 tsp

388 calories

Exercise:

I did a 20 minute cardio circuit and then I went for a lonnnng walk and walked 14k steps!

burned -1000~1200 calories

Dinner:

I made I big big big cabbage & veggie stew w eggs tonight after my long walk. I had a lot of cabbage today lol

Cabbage 270g
Carrots 83g
Sweet potato 125g
Onion 25g
2 cloves garlic  
½ in piece of ginger
Kimchi 10g
Gochujung 1tbsp
Boullion base ½ tsp
2 hard boiled eggs
Water for cooking

524 calories

This was wayyyy too big but I was super hungry lol

Next time I’ll make it in the afternoon and eat it throughout the day bc PHEW lol I got two huge bowls out of this recipe. Cabbage rly is so helpful to get nice n full :)

Total today: 914 calories

Fooood Diary:

Breakfast:

skip/black coffee

Lunch:

78g grilled chicken, 126g of broccoli, 113 g of roasted potato, 1 tsp olive oil used and ½ tsp of hoisin for dipping
378 cal

Snack:

1 sachet of gold kili matcha latte (on ice, mixed w water) and 1 tbps of peanut butter with my daily vitamins.
215 cal

Dinner:

2 scoops cookies & cream protein powder 
280 cal

Total: 873 calories

—-

I did a bunch of push ups, legs work outs, and finished off w intense cardio for 20 min. I live in a basement so I can’t only do so much bc the ceiling is apt 4 inches above my head lol

I thought I’d add some protein powder bc I think was getting light headed and hungry at night from not having enough protein in my diet. So far so good. I’ve been under 1000 daily cal for a week now n so far I feel good! Watching Korean diet vlogs has been so so so helpful lol bc american diet videos are…depressing lmao. I love how they include stuff they love along w low cal recipes so it never seems too too extreme. And they show their real portions which tend to be quite small. I can only eat so many salads and smoothies b4 I have a mental break lmao

Fooood Diary:

Breakfast: skip/black coffee

Lunch: 100g turkey meat, 100g rice & peas, 1 cup cucumber & tomato salad

289 cal

Dinner: Shrimp& cucumber salad!

- 100g shrimp, 50g cucumber, sliced onion, cilantro, chili vinegar (w a tsp of honey, and a few drops of sesame oil)

Bibigo steamed dumplings w a few drops of Sichuan chili oil

383 cal

Total: 672 calories

Fooood diary

Breakfast: black coffee

Lunch:

Turkey, ¼ cup mashed potatoes, ¼ cup of corn, 1tbps butter

537 cal

Snack :

Iced Matcha latte

120 cal

Dinner:

Bibigo steamed dumplings, Sichuan chili oil, and hoisin sauce.

303 cal

Total: 960 calories :)

I feel better today! Weighed 158 today, too!

Idk if i binged today or not like i think i def ate below my maintenance cAlories but im so full bc i waited until 8pm to have a full meal

Honestly the only thing ed tw1tter is good for is th1nspo

Some of my favs (I do not identify as a male but I do appreciate male th1nspo)

hey uhh,,, anyone wanna send meanspo?

Well back at school and already relapsing, maybe if this school wasn’t filled with the skinniest boys I’ve seen, but oh well zero is already back on my phone

The world must be telling me to starve myself, my school was selling these really good sandwiches and literally as I got to the front of the line they run out. All they had was low cal fruit water and mini rice cakes

Took me this long th realise that my mother, “wanting the best for me” was really just fat shaming, who knew

saw my reflection next to my super skinny friend in the window last night and I thought we almost looked the same, but then she was hanging out in a bralette with her stomach showing and realized that I was absolutely fucking delusional

what sucks is that so many other people with ana exist. that so many thin people exist. people that are underweight and dont even have ana. I’m just a cow with a mental disorder that doesnt even matter until I’m sickly skinny

I’m the absolute worst at counting calories, nearly all of the food I eat is prepared at home so I cant check and if I were to ask my mom how many calories she thinks it is she’d get suspicious. I think I just want to start eating as little as I possibly can until the job gets done

I lost absolutely no weight god i hope its water weight. I’m only 8 pounds away from my gw and then my gw will change, it’s so stupidly close why can’t I just LOSE WEIGHT

okay liquid fast doing well, I <3 miso soup so it’s been pretty easy so far

I AM SO SICK OF EATTING EGGS OH MY GOD

I’m just going to eat all my junk food in the morning now and then restrict as the day goes on because I’ll be sitting at the table a 7 in the a.m trying not to gag while looking at my plate

I wanna be so skinny and small people are afraid to yell at me, no one ever grabs my wrist or waist to pull me closer or show me something, only gentle touches. no one ever raises their voices because I look so child-like it makes them feel bad. people always offering me water or a bite to eat. no one ever getting angry with me because of the immense sympathy they feel for me

I love relationship thinspo so much, like the idea of being so thin I’m finally okay with someone touching me and being close to me, being secure in knowing they wont feel any rolls or softness

damn I dropped to 121 but I’ve felt like such a fat fucking pig today. constantly oscillating between thinking I’m faking it and wanted to throw up the >100 calories I just ate

it ezz what it ezz

Either eating everything I see till 4000 kcal or eating nothing,

Nothing in between,

Feeling guilty no matter what I do.

(from pinterest, not mine)

(found it on pinterest)

Monday-Friday=100kcal

Saturday-Sunday=72626389736378473kcal

I hate weekends.

just binged and decided to not eat for 3 days. feeling disgusting

Any tips to skip the eating Flash when I , because I just smoked today and ate so much. I exercised alot after this but still… Are there any ways to skip that?