the worst part about it is that i cant hate you. i cant. you have been nothinb but wonderful and loving towards me for the last two months.

it would be different if you were some cruel, horrible, manipulative person. but you’re not.

you always ask about my day. you ask me about how im feeling, if i am doing ok. hè asks me questions bcs ‘hè wants to get to know me better’.

he sends me red hearts and hè sends me drawn hearts on snapchat. hè is nothing but a wonderful and thoughtful human being.

we’re eachother’s number 1 best friend on snapchat for months now and we send a minimum of 300 snaps/texts a day, and not counting when we talk at school.

hè makes me laugh. hè distracts me when im having a bad day with a funny story of his. he asks me if i want to talk about it, and if i do he listens contently, if i say i dont want to talk about it, he drops it and starts another conversation.

so how can i hate someone like that. i cant.

and yet, when he asked me for girl advice on how to ask his crush to prom, everytging hurt. i trachee for the bottle and now im lying in my bed crying and drunk as i am writing this.

but he deserves her. shes pretty. shes skinny. shes not fucked. she hasnt been depressed for the last 5 years of her life. she never self-harmed. shes perfect for him.

i want to let go of him. i cant keep doing this to myself, but on the other hand, i deserve to get hurt. i care about almost nothing in this world, so i should feel what it feels like to get stabbed repeatedly.

he deserves someone like her. not like me.

I’m so fuckin alone in this fuckin world.

People are disappointing.

3.21

It is beautiful because it is sad.

16.27

Be a good person and you can save the world.

00.27

My life is killing me.

23.52

I want a quiet love.

17.16

If you don’t have any dreams. You are already dead, you just don’t know it yet.

23.31

There is no bigger loneliness than to desperately want something you can never have.

01.34

I wish I could sleep forever, dreaming of a love I know I can never have.

23.45

Love has become so superficial.

00.24

Nowadays people hate everything and love nothing.

08.13

God doesn’t give a fuck who you fuck.

And love was found at the place I least expected.

10.20

You only stop dreaming when you’re dead.

22.11

I wish I had a better reason for being this broken but instead I’m just constantly drunk and alone, trying to fix the broken pieces of me with drugs and alcohol that never works.

I would do anything and give anything not to feel like this anymore. I just want to feel something else.

Im content with the fact that love wasnt meant for me and some people are too damaged for anything other than occasional attention when it suits others.

I just have to hope theres something after this, that theres something better than everything leading up to this point because theres no way that this pain and this heartache is all there is

It has to be worth it..

Its tragic isnt it?

Feeling so alone in a world this full of people? 7.5 billion other souls on this planet and it feels like you are going through it all alone.

I hate that I’m always so alone, especially on nights like this where my depression gets the best of me and suddenly I realize how alone I am. I dont have anyone to turn to when this happens, I don’t have people who are actually there for me. No one ever knows what to do and I just feel like even more of a burden. I feel like a burden all the time and I dont know how to reach out to people when I feel like the world is coming down around me and it feels like the only thing that will make it stop is just to stop existing. I dont want to feel alone. I just want to be able to connect to other people without feeling like theres something wrong with me, like I’m broken.

My mental health has never been worse and I’m crying alone at 2am bc I don’t have people there for me and I don’t know how to change that.

Tonight is one of those nights where my chest feels heavy and I cant stop crying and I really just want someone to talk to.

I’m so tired of feeling so alone..