#anarexx
Nobody:
Me:
Omg why is it so hard after some binge days to start restricting again?! Like I gave my body enough calories the last days so stop being hungry ♀️✨
Me: I’m recovering i eat normal I just don’t look in the mirror anymore
Also me 5 minutes later:
Nevermind I saw thinspo and myself at the same time
I were sick 2 weeks ago and had to eat normal and now I’m in a kind of recovery bc I had to do hard physical work. And wow ok I hate how I look but it’s winter so I can hide in layers of clothes BUUT it’s sooo nice to eat like yea there is still this little voice which says I’m ugly but I just love to eat. And I can do stuff I have energy and I LOVE it. Also I was about to loose hair and I don’t want to lose it so yea.
In englisch class we have obesity and healthy eating at the moment and also had to write about if we have a healthy lifestyle, what we eat and soever
Me with my triggered ed:
Ok write like someone without a ed!!
Mhh yea I eat eat like food and calories yess I eat sooo many calories
Also me then fasting for the nex 2 days
Yesterday I ended up consuming a “normal” amount of calories and, same with today and I feel so awful yay so I’m gonna try to fast for 45 and half hours (very specific ik lmao) or more before I go to my dads and, I’m going to try to stay in my cal limit at my dads all week even though it’s really hard but, I lost 4.9 pounds this week (probably just water weight) and I’m planning to keep it off I don’t want it back Lmaoo and on another note my friend keeps unintentionally triggering me because, she has an ED and she’s trying to recover but, she keeps calling herself fat and, talking about weight gain and, weight loss and, restriction and, all that which makes me really insecure cause if she thinks she’s fat I’m a fucking whale compared to her so, I feel shitty lol.
I feel like an awful person rn cause my friend is in recovery for anorexia and it’s making me want to lose a lot of weight before the next time i see her so she’ll be recovered and I’ll be the skinny one and that is the shittiest thing I’ve ever thought of and I feel so awful about it but it’s just me ED talking I guess :(
I forgot to log the past two days so, on Wednesday I had a small bowl of cinnamon toast crunch and a splash of milk for 203 calories and then, I had tuna for supper for 154 calories and then, half a cup of ice cream for dessert 160 calories and then today, or I guess it’s yesterday now lol, I binged on mostly cinnamon toast crunch and oatmeal cookies with Pb and it came to around 2690 cals. Today my moms making me go out for supper so, I’m gonna try to find the least calorific thing on the menu cause the last two days I ate so shitty lol and then, the next two days after that I’m gonna try to fast.
i just want to be thin
total was 776 today not mad !
time to make another new impossible diet plan for myself even tho i know i probably won’t stick to it for more than 2 days lmao
also i wasn’t planning on restricting much today i was just busy
my goal is gonna be like 900-1200 i think. i wanna eat enough that i don’t binge and i feel like having my limit be higher makes me binge too so ? idk lol
lately i’ve just been switching between “fuck it, i’ll just binge 24/7 and if i get fat i get fat” to “i need to be skinny immediately i’m only allowed to have 10 calories a day” to “i just have to eat a normal amount and eat super healthy foods” and my head hurts :))
