#cluster b
Me being all types
Two Videos I’d Recommend to Learn About BPD/EUPD From Personal Experiences & A Well Known Fictional Character
FP- Focus Person
Having one is really hard. In my experience, it’s a person who is like a puppet master in a way, unknowingly. Whatever move they make can determine how I act and feel. It isn’t fun. It shouldn’t be romanticized. I’ve had many FPs in the past, my current one hurts a lot, especially with my mood swings increasing and recent trauma I went through, and the fact they just don’t understand my emotional disorder. They’re not hurting me on purpose, it’s my own head and attachment to them that is hurting me. Having one makes me want to not be alive sometimes because I hurt myself with my own expectations from them. I don’t hate them, but I hate myself for loving them too much. I was speaking to my therapist today that after Valentine’s day (the next time I might see my FP) I will most likely distance myself from everyone, for my own health. I will still have friends, but I want to try to get rid of my attachment to them, and attachment issues in general. It’s too painful to live with, I maybe want to get attached to a cat instead of a person. At least I may start DBT therapy soon. And I have been working on myself with breathing and self soothing talk and free online worksheets. If plans go accordingly, I will have my own room soon and will be able to feel anything I like with no interruptions from others. My own personal safe space. And then a cat.
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I just bought their Valentine’s day presents. I feel conflicted about the though. Maybe we are in the down time of our friendship. It’s okay though, it makes me paranoid but every type of relationship goes through this. I just hope they love their presents.
are you a seelie narcissist (nice to people sometimes, fucks with everyone for shits and giggles, trying their best but will still fight a bitch) or an unseelie narcissist (may have a select few they’re fond of and care for sort of like pets, likes to fuck people up, will fight Whoever, Whenever)
violent impulses more like “someone please assault me so i have an excuse to fight back”
the worst: having weekend-long plans and then at the very beginning of them feeling yourself start to slip into a depressive episode
me: i’m so lonely…
someone: i’m here for you!
me: IF ONLY I HAD SOMEONE HERE TO RECTIFY THIS………
my fp might break up with her shitty boyfriend and then crash at my house while she hunts for a new apartment [rubs palms together] Yes
Having npd, along with other cluster b personality disorders, makes it so easy to suffer from other shitty bad habits/disorders. You gained a bit of weight? Boom: eating disorder. You realize you can’t control the actions/reactions of others? Boom: panic attack central. And the list goes on and on.
The constant attention and admiration from a clingy person is great and all, but once they start making it obvious that they don’t know their place, the fun is all over.
My body is not made just for sex. It’s made for dancing, hugging my dog, and smiles. My worth is not in my sex appeal.
My mental health has been getting better so yay
Wow it’s like the universe wants me to kill myself
I almost broke up with my boyfriend then I had a mood swing and fell back In love. Life is good again and I realized I was a dummy for thinking he hated me. This ginger boy really got me planning a wedding smh
So communication is probably important in relationships lmao
Waiting for that mood swing to hit so I can start feeling like life is beautiful again
I’m starting to question if I’ve ever actually felt any emotions
I need someone to love me through my darkest moments when I’m angry and I can’t feel anything but rage. I know it’s toxic to ask for unconditional love when you are far from deserving of it but I need someone to always be there.
fuck this bpd shit
I wish I could kill my brain and just be in your arms forever. I’m so sorry I can’t turn off the bad parts of my mind and just exist with you. Im so tired of overthinking everything.
