I feel like I can finally breathe.

You used to be everything to me, then all at once, you became nothing at all.

I haven’t written a poem in 4 months, if I’m being honest I’m not sure I even know how to anymore. Iv been in this sate of melancholy, where im awake but it feels like I’m sleep walking. And I think iv been seeing ghosts, I’ve been seeing you everywhere I go. I thought I saw you in the grocery store the other day, but I hope this haunting never goes away. And iv been replaying the things you said. I say them over and over in my head. I wish that I could hate you more consistently, because You have the best parts of me. I know I need to move on, and I’m trying so hard to, but deep down I hope I haunt you to.

Maybe In another life we end up together, maybe we have to be ripped apart hundreds of times in this lifetime so we can meet again in the next one. And do it all over again, maybe in another life we reach nirvana. Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine it, and for a spilt second I can see it. Us driving in your car, singing, laughing, talking. Except this time it doesn’t end. You would pull me close and kiss me and tell me you love me. But then I open my eyes, and reality breaks me. It gives me hope that maybe somewhere, somehow we ended up together. Maybe there is a lifetime where I don’t spend it wishing I had you.

luvmangosdope:

orange-obsessions:

Deleting their number
is nothing..

But when you finally
delete the text
thread…. It’s a wrap.

This

Neither of these mean anything actually. When you block the number, rid of everything that includes their presence and go on as if they never existed, is when it’s finished.

Forget me good

Moving on never looked

So easy, stuck that landing

Without skipping any beats

Simply beating a swift retreat

Now don’t get me wrong again

I want you to be happy…just couldn’t

It hurt a little first cause God knows

I do? Don’t know where to keep

It all and this lingering foolish love

North wind whistles through

Gloomy gaps seething cracks

Of my heart sounding like lost sleep

Dreams trampled dull as dust

Shouldn’t have let down my guard

For so long. Who was I to think

I deserved the promise in your eyes

Professed with a pleasing tongue?

How could I expect to ever be enough

Yet not see all the ways I am too much?

All I wanted was an always

No matter what I think you know

You’ll always have my love

I never until now wished it wasn’t so

Perhaps that’s the first step to

Letting go

Prompted by @abiblicalsasquatch:adivorce

Doing better and moving on.

Remember what you really are…

“Human?”

[image descriptions in alt text] ☕

Woke up to a very important message

One I will keep to myself but know I am going to be cloaking myself after today.

In fact the timing and message couldn’t be more appropriate. As tomorrow is Lent.

What is Lent?

Lent is a period of fasting, moderation, self discipline and self-denial.

What am I giving up for Lent? Social Media.

Yes, even Tumblr.

So today is my last day to speak publicly to you, for 40 days. My other feed has Que’d messages and I thought about moving all the Que’s to saved drafts but I have better things I can do with my time. So I shall have presence there. I am deleting the apps from my cell and can not be reached unless you know me outside of tumblr, and I will be sharing myself with those worthy.

Today also marks a day of healing as I have a date. Yes I am sitting in my anxiety around this as my mind and body are still yours, but opportunity knocked, on Valentine’s Day of all days, a stranger from the past, a love never explored because he was not healed. Oh the irony. But I am excited and I am open to receiving. So we shall see what 7pm holds. {Yes, I picked this time for my the House of my Loving Queen}

You’ll be asleep, but I know my thoughts will wonder if this message has you awake or reaching out to me in your dreams, where we often met. Sending me a message from across the ocean. Will the message be one of disgust or despair, or will you be encouraging and loving wanting me to heal and find love that is deserved? I already know you’ll be protective, it was a quality I admired in you. My Strength.

So here is to 2nd First Dates…

Here is to healing…

Until then…

XO

“How I envy so the half of me, who lived before love’s due, who was yet to know of you.”

“But despite all the reasons I shouldn’t think of you, I still do”

“The secret is no one gets what they want without losing who they are”

“I never see things as they are, only what they could be. So, can you blame me when I look at you and all I see is love.”

broken nails

i think life is a series of broken nails; sometimes you couldn’t have known, sometimes it’s more “i told you so”. sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it doesn’t, regardless it’s torn from you all of a sudden. but if you let it, it’ll grow back, the past remains as history. time can heal the tiny wounds — maybe not that of a gun, but you could never break my heart; my nails grow out and pass.

see this on instagram!

Everyone is moving on with there lives, getting into relationships, moving out, getting engaged and having babies.. What am I doing? I’m stuck at home being ill waiting for the hospital to sort out my medication, stuck in a void.  

I think there are some loves that aren’t meant to last, that burn what they’re meant to illuminate and drown what they’re meant to nourish.

I’m having such a hard time forgiving you because I’m not sure whether there is a point in offering you a second chance.

I want you to know that you’ve come a long way and that every version that you’ve been or will become is good enough.

It took losing you to find myself.