#poets society
Thought that the thoughts would stay at bay as we grew closer,
But, I guess that they never truly go away
So, what do I do now?
Accept that the thoughts will always be there?
Or just…push everyone
Away.
So then, I can at least be positive as to where they stand…
I love the way they exist.
They have chaos in their mind but
they’re vibrant in their soul.
They are as powerful as a forest fire!
They think that they destroy everything in their path
But really, they are creating a new path
Creating a new path…
They are the strongest person I know.
Why is the only fucked up one me?
Why am I the only tragedy?
Always on the edge of catastrophe
Catastrophizing
Maybe I’m not always crazy.
Maybe I’m not always wrong.
But they all say I am.
Say I need help.
But who wouldn’t lose it
If they were being mistreated
And being told
They weren’t even being mistreated in the first place?
Maybe I need to stop being so sensitive.
Shut off my feelings like a light switch
Dimming the light inside of me in return…
But that’s okay!
As long as everyone else is happy!
Their light will keep me…warm.
Despite the distance they keep me at
I can’t indulge too much in kindness!
Might make me too greedy!
Why do I always like the ones that don’t like me back?
Maybe I’m just in love with the unattainability
So in love with a concept
I can’t let that be ruined by the real…
Scary!
It’s an inconvenience to prevent the spread of COVID
Concealing my face is like concealing myself from experiencing the world
Using hand sanitizer is like burning my hands off
Melting my flesh off
Can’t say no to a social event!
My life revolves around my social identity
More so than it revolves around being able to breathe out of my lungs!
Relationships are lessons learned.
Stories learned
Tired of gathering novels,
Contributing to a constantly ongoing saga
Where’s my happily ever after?
Can it come faster?
Or can someone send me a little note saying “None are meant to stay”?
Is my life meant to be a sitcom?
A long running joke?
I get it, it’s funny
I’d laugh too.
How do I plan for the future when the world is in disarray?
Dystopia
Filled with phobia
Of death
And simply taking a step
Out of my home.
I hope to freeze to death in hell’s flames
Before COVID or air pollution chokes the life out of me!
December reminds me that I have loved
But that I’m not loved
At least, not loved enough for someone
To want me to be a part of their holiday celebration
Our love is not worth celebrating.
Pretty bold of you to say that I’m overreacting
Would only acknowledge my bleeding
Accompanied by blood curdling screaming!
Because it began to stain your clothes
Left me to rot…
While you bought a new shirt.
Said it was a pity I died!
But, I’ve survived worse.
Told me I was miserable when I was getting better
Because I wouldn’t let the gaslighting comments just
Roll.
Off.
My.
Back.
You didn’t understand why they were no longer keeping me warm
When they never kept me warm. At all.
I’d rather be comforted by hell’s embrace!
At least hell is honest with its intentions.
Brain fog
Foggy fogginess
want to do things but thoughts are
mush.
Completing sentences is hard
Because the words are out
Of
Reach
Floating in the fog
mush.
Productive
Be productive
You can be self-destructive
As long as it’s not on the clock
Destroy yourself
You want to sell yourself to the highest bidder
But they barely give you enough to live
Thriving is for those who have it destined in their blood
and are hungry for the blood of others!
I will clean my room, even it is the last thing I do!
… Well, certainly did not do that today
But what did I get done instead?
I scrolled through TikTok endlessly!
Hey, the day before all I could do was stare at my wall
And just think about cleaning my room
And just think about wanting to do just something…
Anything at all…
So that I could say that did something today
So guess what?
I did something today!
I did… something…today
Trying too hard to write something perfect
None of my words belong on the page
Maybe that means I should write something
But even as I am writing this, I know I could do better
I should do better
I…can’t do better, can I?
Incoherency is the cost
Of me trying to write when I am not in the zen state of mind
Does my writing mean anything if
it’s jumbled? Does it mean anything if I don’t entirely understand what I was trying to say?
I… maybe I should…
Stop.
But my thoughts keep racing
Do they matter?
I think they do.
I know they do.
