I’m beyond imperfect. I’m covered in flaws. I use periods at the end of a sentence when I’m upset. I push away without realizing. When I’m attacked, I push away further. When I feel your close to leaving, I build the walls back up. I know you can shatter me in pieces. A couple pieces already broke.
Those with anxiety, depression, PTSD, and past abuse, all have their own triggers. Take your time to understand the person. Be patient. Don’t always feel like its you doing something wrong. Each person has their own story.
Our sweet little ratty, Nova was carried away by the Goddess this afternoon at 12:45pm. Last night my girlfriend and I noticed she wasn’t doing well. There was nothing we could do for her but to make her comfortable and say our goodbyes. My heart is broken. Some may not think that rats are pets, but let me tell you how sweet she was. She never bit me or hurt me in any way. When I asked for kisses, she would tug on my lip ring, all gently. She was the runt and the smallest but she had such a big heart. Rest in Peace my sweet little girl. You will be greatly missed.
I try. I really do. And some days it pays off, other days … not so much. And in those days where it doesn’t pay off one of the hardest things I go through is that look that my family get when they look at me. It’s very simple, I may be getting up or walking to go somewhere and their eyes look up at me and give me a once over. Then their face gets that pensive look, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. And I keep walking because I know if I stay there, there will be nothing to keep me from breaking apart. I know that they’re thinking “ look at her, how did she let herself get so fat”. They hate what they see and sometimes it feels like they hate me.
