heyy so my main account is @cherry-flavoured-poison<3

cause I just realised that all my mutuals probably don’t realise I followed them back :(

GUYS I DID IT, I actually fucking did it, I wanted to reach my goal weight by Christmas and I did it!!!!<<<<33333

Aaaahhhhh I just needed to tell someone <3

I just want my bellybutton to be like

|

Instead of

—

Yanno

I just had a panic attack (and was literally sobbing uncontrollably on the kitchen floor til my parents found me) cause I had planned to have soup and boiled eggs for dinner and I couldn’t find the right spoon and the eggshells didn’t peel off smoothly enough…. Like…Umm wtf…..it’s not that deep babes xo

my mum just hugged me and said ‘I can feel your ribs… I shouldn’t be able to feel your ribs’ which made me happy until I realised there’s such a double standard for me and my sister like my mum would never say that to her and she’s skinnier than me but it’s because she’s always been skinny so they think it’s normal and healthy for her but I’ve always been fat so they think it’s unnatural and unhealthy for me (like yes I know I’ve lost weight in an unhealthy way but it makes me feel like I’ll always be seen as fat by the people who know me)

*trying to open up about my ed*

‘So do you just like not eat’

me: ‘obviously I eat’

‘Oh that’s good then, I’m glad it’s not serious’

Literally all I wanted to do tonight was to cook food and bake sweets for my family, it was all I had to look forward to in my mind, but now I can’t do it because I couldn’t get anyone to take me to the store to buy groceries and I can’t drive. So now I’m having a fucking breakdown and crying my eyes out, and all I want to fucking do is starve to take SOME kind of control over SOMETHING.

Maybe it’s a stupid thing to cry over, and maybe it’s my own fault for not having a license and only making plans for things at the last minute, but I just can’t fucking stand how depressed I get every Christmas. I really thought for a second that maybe I could make it different this year but now it’s even worse; having that split second of hope and then failing again anyway hurts even worse.

I’m a mess. A Mess. Every time I think I’ve finished crying and try to distract myself, the tears just start up again.

I wanna starve, starve, starve, STARVE.

My brain when my desire to look like a Monster High Skelita doll and my desire to have a juicy ass like Doja Cat start squaring up against each other in my thoughts at 2am again

So it looks like I’m back to using my ED blog after abandoning it for nearly 2 months.

LAST WEEK’S STATS (09.20.20)
Height: 5'2" (157cm)
Weight: 153.2lbs (69.5kg)
BF: 28.2%
BMI: 28.0 (Overweight)

NEW STATS (09.27.20)
Height: 5'2" (157cm)
Weight: 156.8lbs (71.1kg)
BF: 29.1%
BMI: 28.7 (Overweight)

IGAINEDby: +3.6lbs (+1.6kg), +1.5% BF, & +0.5 BMI Points

-

Perhaps choosing to attempt eating a healthy amount of calories for weight loss was ✨a mistake.✨ Can y’all believe I had negative net calories every day for the entire week but STILL gained in the end???? Not even gonna lie, I’m seriously feeling scammed right now, what the fuck. 

Recap of This Week’s Calorie Intake Here

This week’s calorie allowance was:10,500cal
This week’s calorie expenditure goal was: ≥10,500cal

Daily Calories Consumed
Sunday: 1500cal
Monday: 1450cal
Tuesday: 1040cal
Wednesday: 1045cal
Thursday: 1449cal
Friday: 861cal
Saturday: 1680cal
This week’s total calorie intake was: 9,025cal

Daily Calories Burned
Sunday: 1877cal
Monday: 2042cal
Tuesday: 2106cal
Wednesday: 1989cal
Thursday: 2022cal
Friday: 1733cal
Saturday: 2422cal
This week’s total calorie expenditure was:14,191cal

This week’s total net calories were:-5,166cal

Subsequent Stats Update Here

Weekly Ana Recap (09.13.20 - 09.19.20)

This week’s calorie allowance was:3,500cal

This week’s calorie expenditure goal was:14,000cal

Daily Calories Consumed

Sunday: 445cal

Monday: 432cal

Tuesday: 500cal

Wednesday: 453cal

Thursday: 485cal

Friday: 445cal

Saturday: 730cal

This week’s total calorie intake was:3,490cal

Daily Calories Burned

Sunday: 2051cal

Monday: 2003cal

Tuesday: 2079cal

Wednesday: 1959cal

Thursday: 1974cal

Friday: 1892cal

Saturday: 2351cal

This week’s total calorie expenditure was:14,309cal

This week’s total net calories were:-10,819cal

LAST WEEK’S STATS (09.13.20)
Height: 5'2" (157cm)
Weight: 159.8lbs (72.5kg)
BF:29.8%
BMI: 29.2 (Overweight)

NEW STATS (09.20.20)
Height: 5'2" (157cm)
Weight: 153.2lbs (69.5kg)
BF:28.2%
BMI: 28.0 (Overweight)

ILOSTby: -6.6lbs (-3kg), -1.6% BF, & -1.2 BMI Points

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I guess that’s what happens when you only eat 3,490cal the whole week and also burn 14,309cal in total in the same week. ‍♀️ I’m going to try taking it easy for the first few days of this week (09.20 - 09.26), but I’m so excited right now; going back down to, or even past, my LW by next week should totally be a piece of cake!!

Holy shit. I actually lost weight for once.

LAST WEEK’S STATS (09.06.20)

Height: 5′2″ (157cm)

Weight:162.0lbs (73.5kg)

BF:30.6%

BMI:29.6 (Overweight)

NEW STATS (09.13.20)

Height: 5'2" (157cm)

Weight: 159.8lbs (72.5kg)

BF: 29.8%

BMI: 29.2 (Overweight)

ILOSTby: -2.2lbs (-1kg), -0.8% BF, & -0.4 BMI Points

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Proof for myself that you don’t need to water fast or jump into low restriction to lose weight, high* restriction can also be effective, and slow weight loss is still weight loss. What a concept!

*Different people have different definitions of what is a “high restriction”. For myself, I automatically consider 4 digit numbers, including 1,000, to be high restriction. So, I consider this past week of keeping my daily intake at ~1,000cal or lower to be high restriction.