#my words

winter blues

freckles of snow

anchor craves my skin

caught in this world and below

(we grew up near the ocean)

goodbye mother, goodbye father

rust of kin

music we small ones do not hear only the echoes, the thin wailing  our ears too delicate  sometimes we swim in infinite waters,  reach out and hope for life above us

we, so small, the deep the blue the humpback  so large, a shadow our smallness

crushed under the fathoms-weight smaller and smaller we miss the music we never hear, never hold not alive anymore 

we would die  before we hear

we will never know each other

your hands are cold as mine are we lie in shivering together

frost tickles my sides like your bitten hair

you turn to the water then I watch you still

either warmth or death has taken you 

and I never knew you to tell one from the other

crows stare back

city birds sitting on a powerline keeping on singing to the end of time watching from above as you and i go by on cold streets below—

I love turning guys on in public so that they have to awkwardly hide their swelling cock

excerpts come get your excerpts!!

baby

Today I discovered these gems in my drafts and I don’t remember having made ANY OF THEM

If you had to apply for jobs using your tumblr url instead of your name, would you get the job?

Last night I got really high and waisted with some friends and today I woke up and found this in my notes

Forgive me Lord for I have taken the arms and legs off of my Barbie doll as a child and super glued them to the opposite sockets. I know the Bible doesn’t mention it but I just know that’s a sin.

libraries are suppose to be silent

but that’s where my eyes met you

where your smile was at center stage

and your eyes had more to say

they listened to the rules,

stood quiet with little moves

remaining as so as you put on the show

noiseless —

until they grazed passed mine

and suddenly everything screamed inside

do you see me?

let me hold on, let me follow.

into a universe unknown

one never to fully unfold

wash us away and

like your body we sway

in and out of earthly light

then into travesties of night

i’ll push you back to sea

so you can float with ease,

and become one with the waves.

you’ll crash at my feet again,

and tear my soul to shreds,

reminding me of the tragic truth,

of your existence never to be met.

do you wonder what goes on in my mind? 

Always? 

or from time to time? 

fear held me by the throat 

and I coughed up the hopes and dreams we said,

bloody red, dark and dead 

gone for good, 

never to be met or spoken of again.

shut eyelids feel like home when home is an abyss of lost hope. 

where isolation feels secure, 

and solitude is nourishment for the darkness. 

FUCKKKK!!! Fuck this. Maybe I need to be hospitalized. The decisions I am making lately. I’m fucking up big time. I’m not seeing it until I get really high and am in the situation already. I’m at my best friends. You know. The guy, who is in love with me. Yesterday was valentines day. I worked then spent it with him. Well, I took his virginity last night. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m just going and doing everything that feels good without thinking of consequences. There’s literally no “stop and think”. Just do. I’m spending money I don’t have, buying and doing drugs.. TAKING MY BEST FRIENDS VIRGINITY! I’m so fucking stupid. I think I really need to be hospitalized. Like right now.

the sun sets;

and earth meets moon

it rises, and the tides rise too

in awe, they stare

silenced by the other’s beauty

interrupted by daylight

before they ever exchange a word

the connection is dim,

but not yet dark

sometimes time

reveals the spark