Discharged from mental health services.

I am so mixed with emotions right now

I have been under mental health services since I was a young teen,

I have suffered trauma,

I have suffered loss,

I have been sectioned,

I have starved myself,

I have been in hospital hooked up to machines,

I have used emergency services endlessly,

I have seen multiple therapists,

I have cried myself to sleep,

I have spent a year in a specialist hospital,

I have pushed people away,

I have lived a life not worth living at times.

BUT….

Today I was discharged PROPERLY from mental health services

I had a CPA today where I was able to say I no longer need services. After 10 years of consistent input from services I can finally say I feel human again. I feel happy and content with myself.

I still have down days and I’m on medication but that’s part of life. I can handle what life throws at me and I have goals and plans I want to achieve.

I can see a career I know I will be good at and I am making plans towards that goal,

I am saving for a house,

I am volunteering,

I am getting fitter,

I am getting back into sport,

I am seeing friends,

I have a beautiful niece,

I have a good support network,

I enjoy learning,

I am growing,

I am surviving,

I have passion and motivation,

I am enjoying life

Looking back I am so grateful to those who stood by me. The people who picked me up, the people who never stopped loving me. The people who held me whilst I sobbed, who ran to me late at night, who sat in A&E with me, who put up with my misery, who called me to check I was okay.

I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH - I love you ❤️

I cannot believe all I have been through, I can say I am proud of what I’ve survived. I never thought I would see the day I say goodbye to services. I want to cry and smile all in one, so that’s what I’m going to do

To those suffering out there, please never give

Here’s to me

Anyone else find that after years of being so low and depressed it’s difficult to know how to be happy?

I’ve spent years feeling depressed and not thinking about the future but now I’m doing really well and it’s difficult to know how to respond.

Im grateful for being better but it’s weird!!

This hit me

Me to my therapist as we start trauma work:

My therapist trying to teach me mindfulness:

Me:

My therapist: *asks me to open up and be vulnerable*

Me:

Safety planning

Me: “I’ll be safe”

Therapist: “Okay so what is your plan for tonight?”

Me:

Me: *wants to live*

Mental illness:

Someone new: *starts attending group*

The group:

Me: *desperatly wants a secure attachment*

A secure attachment: *starts happening*

Me:

Therapist: “So you’re going to solve your abandonment issues by… abandoning people first?”

Me:

Today, I see the ones who were abandoned, neglected, & abused by the very men who were supposed to protect, love & be there for them.

I see the ones with a lasting place in their hearts that never seems to be filled. I see the ones who joke about “daddy issues” with friends only to cry on the floor once they are alone. I see the ones who don’t know who to or how to ask for help, the ones who go it alone because there seems to be no other way. I see the ones who are so hurt that they can only think to lash out, and the ones who lash inward instead. I SEE you.

I see you, and you are not alone, and I PROMISE you that not all people will hurt you the way he did. I promise you that even though Father’s Day is incredibly painful, life as whole will feel better someday. And in the meantime, you are not alone. I am here. I promise.

I’m so used to my ED that it’s no longer an ED to me,it’s a lifestyle.

Went from trying to sleep as much as I could to escape you for awhile to keeping insanely busy because you’re in my nightmares now.

Artist of art: unsure