Might go visit the fam soon & on one hand if they say something about my weight my efforts will be validated but on the other I sooooo do not want to talk about it
Like I want to have noticeably lost weight and I also want nobody to talk to me about my body ever plz do not perceive me
0. crave attention and human touch like nothing else
1. think that everyone who shows you the tiniest amount of affection is in love with you
2. remember that you’re aromantic and everything romance related makes you highly uncomfortable
3. make elaborate fantasies about people who were kind to you once probably only because they’re decent people
4. feel embarrassed
5. push away everyone who is actually deeply interested in you because they would be disappointed if they actually knew you and you’re ugly and fat naked anyways
i’m gonna try only eating when i’m really hungry instead of at times i set up for myself and not obsessing around it but obviously staying in the low cal range
naturally skinny mindset here i come /lol i feel so delusional/
7:51 AM (heyyy it’s me at schooool) Anyways I wanna rant so that’s what ima do. My cousin pities himself a bit too much. Little inconveniences like his earbuds breaking make his day automatically “bad” and he also thinks that every body no matter who it is should take his mental health seriously.
I agree with most things said yet the way he goes about it isn’t good behavior. He’s a bit dramatic and will just sit an talk about how awful his life is while the only things that happen to him are minor inconveniences…
Maybe it’s because I’ve learned to not pity myself. And I’ve I’ve faced the reality of people not caring or taking mental illness seriously. Many are misinformed about all types of mental illness. But my cousin get upset and throws tantrums over it… he’s a senior in high school and very immature for his age….
Maybe I’m being inconsiderate or dumb, I understand people deal with mental illness differently but Idk….
It 1:41AM :) and I’ve realized I’ve been barely trying to recover. I won a brownie because I wrote the best short story in class and I had a mini panic attack because I didn’t wanna eat it but I also won it and it’d be rude if I didn’t… I ended up giving it to my friend :/
Sorry I’ve been inactive for awhile. We (mother dearest and I) moved my aunt and cousin in since my mom and stepdad are getting divorced and mom can’t afford bills. I also tried recovering again and now I hate my body even moreee. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna crack and relapse, but I’ll let ya know.
So my dad pissed me off while we were watching a movie and so I decided to go downstairs and sit in the couch and now I’ve been down here for a few hours lmao…
I honestly eat too much at my house… I’m so good at fasting when I’m at my grandmas house because I don’t like eating food that wasn’t personally bought for me soooooooo yea… but my dad visits while I’m there and I think he’s catching on to my Ed.
Today I started to decide what classes I’m gonna take next year based on what career I want to pursue and so I was like “I wanna be an archeologist or anthropologist!” And turns out I have to do the advanced classes to be able to that so I’m gonna un-alive myself.
I just remember on Tuesday I picked some Easter flowers for my mom and she didn’t care lol. She’s like super depressed, idk why and I kinda accidentally told her she’s the reason I have issues…
