#heartache
“unrequited”
“so close yet so far”
“was that too much to ask”
“strings and painful things”
“the distancing” (2/2)
“the distancing” (½)
“he wanted to know what her lips would feel like on his. he wanted to tuck her curls behind her ear when they fell in front of her perfect face. he wanted to wrap his arms around her delicate body. he wanted to comfort her when she cried and rub her back. he wanted to play her favourite song and dance around the kitchen. he wanted to here that goddamn laugh for the rest of his life, no matter what it took. he wanted to reach out and have her. how come it couldn’t be that easy?”
— parallels pt 1 (12:54 AM)
I may never love someone the way I loved you. My heart may always have a weird ache when I think of you. but it has been over 365 days without you, so I think it’s best if I say goodbye.
Goodbye, my beautiful misery.
Dear future lover,
Please be patient with me. I am fragile and scarred from a love I once felt so deep , that my bones got branded with the initial of his name. You may have to cause an avalanche in order to break my wall down, but please don’t give up on me.
I have always loved with all of me , but for the past year I have made myself not love , in fear of losing another person… in fear of dying from heartache.
When I smile at you just know that my heart is warming up to yours. And when I ask you how you are just know that I truly care. it’s just going to take some time for me to allow myself to be vulnerable again. I’m so afraid to fall in love and be ripped to shreds, i’m so afraid to feel worthless again.
Dear future lover, please don’t hurt me, please don’t use me, please show me that I am capable of being loved.
Please
and I promise that I will love you like i’ve never been hurt before.
If only I can craft my emotions the way I compose my pieces. With a backspace or an eraser for the feelings that wouldn’t fit their expectations. Maybe then, I’d be loved more.
The things I’d give, to hear you to tell you me one last time those three crazy words…
“i love you.”
Anxiety keeps me lively when the sun hides and the moon shines. The saddest parts of me also overcomes my heart with second guesses and replays the darkest times. And I lay there in the silence of the night wishing I can silence them both to finally rest my soul. But the fear of not being able to crawl out of that hole of insecurities, shame and failure gets higher every second.
And that’s when I realized that for 10 years, I’m still running from the numbness of my broken heart.
