Isn’t it funny how something that use to be the worst habit like cutting,carving and burning took over your life, but then all of a sudden its just easy to stop..?

i have been self harming for a year and a half and the longest i have ever gone is 6-7 weeks.. i am currently at 5 weeks and my goal is 8+ weeks. it use to be all i would think about.. 24/7 i would self harm once, twice maybe even 3 times? a day depending in what was going on… i have self harmed not only at home but at school as well.

i remembered one time i was so depressed and didn’t have blade and i was out shopping with one of my best friends and i bought a package of pencil sharpeners and took the blades out cause i was so desperate.

now that i think of it i just think of how i don’t want to be that person and how gross that is, to be so addicted like that, i have no longer wanted to self harm in like 5 months it just doesn’t really appeal to me anymore but when shit happens that’s all i really know to do so i trying to fix that and change that into new habits that are good.!!!

although i say that.. ever since i slowed down and stopped self harming i have started starving myself and am under weight but i will be trying harder to recover as i need to be strong to susceed in my sport,

-Depressed mess (B)

ily all stay strong xoxo

check out my instagram @you.wrecked.me._

Back at 4 weeks clean!!!
In over a year and a half the longest IV gone was 6ish- 7 weeks! My goal is past that and I know I can do it☺️

Spring break is over, Tomorrow back to school I’m very nervous and might relapse, going to try very hard not to self harm I haven’t In 3 weeks. My longest is 6 weeks and I’m going to go longer. But I’m going to focus on my eating disorder right now. I’m trying to stay strong because I know there’s hope! Stay strong all xoxo

im tired

of having to open my eyes for a new day

for once, i just want someone to stay

is it the way i was wired

that drives people away

cold skin

faded lips

and the pill bottle in my hand

wishing i could go back

because ive realized

i never wanted this

hey guys im still alive lol, i took a break for mental health. things get better i promise.

I’ve reached level 25 (officially referring to birthdays as levels from now on )

I know that when i was 20, I was a totally different person; I mean I was in the closet ️‍ and married to a man. So…big changes happened in my life in just 5 years I finally came out as a lesbian and left my husband, told my loved ones about my ADHD and PTSD and am now the most authentic me I can be.

I’m excited and nervous to meet the level 30 version of myself

How have you changed in the last 5 years? What shit about yourself are you currently working on? (I’m working on my executive functioning skills)

Feel good playlist

•uptown funk - mark Ronson
•kiwi - Harry styles
•flawless - Beyoncé
•big for your boots - stormzy
•love on top - Beyoncé
•bootylicious - destiny’s child
•grace Kelly - Mika
•can’t stop the feeling - Justin Timberlake
•unwritten - Natasha bedingfield
•wake me up before you go go - wham!
•come on Eileen
•don’t stop me now - queen
•wannabe - spice girls
•what makes you beautiful - one direction

Things I realised while in hospital, part 3

17) focus on yourself. There’s no point comparing yourself to anyone else, because their situation is not relevant to your journey.
18) this is harder than I thought it would be and some days it feels impossible, but you get through it.
19) your suffering hurts the people who love you. There’s no denying it. But they love you despite it all.
20) when progress is slower than you hoped, that’s not your failure. You wouldn’t say you’re failing if your broken leg wasn’t healing as quickly as you’d hoped, would you?

Tips for the worst days

Remember:
•even the worst day has to end eventually. There will always be a new day.
•people still love you no matter what.
•everyone has days like this. No one is 100% happy all the time.
•it’s okay to cry. Bottling it all up doesn’t help in the long run.
•the same things don’t always work for different people, so these are just some ideas which could be helpful:

•have a shower.
•get dressed.
•brush your teeth.
•brush your hair.
•have a drink. You still need to stay hydrated.
•get something to eat, even if you aren’t hungry.
•if you feel up to it, read a book, or watch a film, or do some art or call a friend. If not, okay, listen to some music or play a game on your phone. Just do something rather than nothing.
•if you’re confused about how you’re feeling and you’re just feeling all the feels, write it down. Write what you’re thinking. It helps to make sense of it all.
•put on your favourite outfit.
•smile, even if you’re faking it.
•but also, don’t pretend you’re okay!! Tell people you’re not, let them help.

It will all be okay. You will be okay.

Responsibility

A massive step in recovery is taking control. Because as cliché as it may sound, things aren’t going to get better until you want to change. You can get all the help in the world from people around you, but ultimately it is down to you.
However this shouldn’t be something to feel guilty about!! If you’re not at a place where you’re taking responsibility for making that change yet, if you’re not ready, that’s okay. I’m not there yet. That’s what other people are for - they help us to look after ourselves until we’re well enough to do that for ourselves. And that’s okay.

“Every adventure requires a first step.”

Cheshire Cat

“A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there”