Sometimes life throws you a curve ball..you either hit or you miss..right now I’m fucked..

Shit here we go again…

Recovery is an amazing thing

I was getting better, I was finally getting better…then I stopped.

Today I realised what I thought I wanted wasn’t what I wanted at all…

I want me. Just me. I have accepted that it will come with some heartache, more problems and a lot of questions but I will finally be me…and free

Once you see results, it becomes an addiction…

Slowly turning vanishing into nothingness

My daily struggle

Me an Intellectual: I need to stop smoking cigarettes

Ana: if you stop you will eat more and gain weight fatty

Me: *lights cigarette* well shit (:

You know how when you stand up n you dont necessarily get “dizzy” so much as your vision gets a little speckled with tiny tiny black dots n you hear this ringing that drowns out all other noise n you have this strange pressure in your head till it goes away?

Yay!

⚠️TW - Vivid and Visible Bones In Pictures⚠️

Let me know if this is crossing the line because I WILL take it down if anyone feels it necessary

OkNOW I’m at 115lbsfinally

Through rigorous and exhausting exercise and countless sleepless night and 4 years of this bullshit I roughly have the body shape I want

Now I just need to proportionally lose 15-20 more pounds. Thinking rationally I know that wont happen perfectly so maybe another 4 years of this bullshit will finally get me where I want to be :,)

Redoing this cause the rational part of my brain was like….yeah way too many creeps on here to keep that last BC up. Plus I look so gross so…yea

normal > sucked in > normal > pushed out

Its gross but its interesting :/

Measuring health by weight is total ass but I dont have one of those things that measures your body fat %

Weight sucks lol I just wanna look skinny and attractive, that’s all.

▪︎Been trying to take consistent body checks over the past week n I just dropped my phone on my fucking eye socket bones and I’m HEATED

▪︎I also cant tell how much I way anymore and I’m so mad. My mom is leaving sometime at noon tmr/today so thank gOD but I’m so scared…

I love how roughly 50% of this community post pictures of women/men/people who clearly weigh more than us and are fully developed,grown ass women/men/ppl yet we starve ourselves expecting to look like/similar to them…. ( ._.)

If that doesn’t apply to you dont start invalidating yourself cause you being in this community is enough to qualify you as “sick”. Recognize that I said “roughly 50%”, not “everyone"

Being on your period and trying to lose weight while you’re bloated all to hell is wack

Having Gen-z’s take over ed-social media was NOT a good idea

I’m not doing good with eating, or rather with not eating, and I hate myself for it just oh so much. I just wanna be skinny and attractive is that too much to ask???????

Let’s Cut the Shit:

Most of us are not pro/do not want to encourage people to engage in behaviors of ed’s…

But we ALL know damn well that posting all this is just as encouraging to other people as it is ourselves. Like people posting a huge list of tips n positive outcomes from this ed stuff n then at the bottom adding a half hearted “I dOnT prOmoTE eAtInG dIsorDerS”or“Im nOt pRo thIs iS jUst fOR mE” like cmon bro, just put a TW and be done with it.

▪︎ Aslo, if you’re “not pro” then STOP using the hashtags “pro ana” “pro mia” cause you know damn well what you doing.

▪︎Also EXPLAIN what the TW is dont just say tw

That’s all

I was right, I gained, I’m 116.2