#sad post
I’m kind of considering suicide again
I’m kind of considering suicide again.
It’s not that I’m getting worse
I’m just not getting better
It’s been months, hell it feels like it’s been years
And it’s managed to remain a long
Empty
Numb
Tunnel.
It’s been a blank canvas set up on a easel
But never painted
A new google doc pulled up on a student’s laptop
But not started
A guitar with no strings
If it was going to get better would it not
Already be okay?
Or at least not as bad as it’s been
I find myself listening to “The night we meet”
And “The scientist”
Reminding me of how these feelings
Have been before
And just keep coming again
Why should I keep trying?
Why should I keep fucking trying?
Dear Diary,
I feel like I was born to be hated.
Dear ▇▇▇,
You were so kind before they dragged you to hell.
Donate here if you’d like to help with funding towards the treatement and prevention of FIP
Yikes
Christmass special feels!
“We’ll see again among the stars, Captain-”
Thank you all for the wonderful comments you write to my Yondu and co fan art <3 I wanted to do something nice for the holidays … I was so fond of my first Yondu fan art, that I made a more graphic version for my RB shop!
Let’s think of all that fandom waiting for Christmas presents! Yondu’s Christmas presents, y’all!
Yondu is always in my heart <3 And you too!
I promise I will soon do something fun too xD
Post link
Tiny weathered crinoid… just like me.
The problem with getting a depressive episode in the middle of hyperfixating on something you haven’t really hyperfixated on before is that it can leave, like. A smear on that hyperfixation. Even when you know, you know, it’s just the imbalanced chemicals in your brain latching onto, say, a small flaw in that hyperfixation, something that wouldn’t usually bother you too much - heck, possibly something that isn’t even canon, you just bumped into a headcanon in a fic or something you really didn’t like - and your brain latches onto that as the path of least resistance and blows it all out of proportion, tarnishing the whole thing for you. Even though you know it’s a stupid, small, possibly even non-canon thing, but your brain won’t let you let it go.
And it sucks because maybe you’ve liked this thing, or even loved it, for a long time, this is just the first time you’ve really hyperfixated on it. Only now that thing feels… less safe, because your brain decided to use it to hurt you. And not only does it hurt, it makes you scared that maybe you’ll never be able to enjoy that thing properly again, maybe you’ve lost something precious, all because of a chemical imbalance that you don’t have the best control over. And it’s hard to get out of this mindset, because, hey, depressive episode, and it’s hard to find something to properly lift you out of this slump like you would usually do because, hey, depressive episode, and all in all it’s just… such a miserable experience.
“I’m scared that I’m not doing the right things. I’m scared that I’m not good enough. I always have this feeling that I’m behind on everything in life. I just want everything to slow down. I just want to breathe and enjoy the moment. But instead, I feel like I’m drowning in my own sorrows and insecurities.”
