Update:

I only ate a little bit of indian lastnight, but it led onto a full binge and now I can’t stop. My boyfriends gone home so I’m just in a cycle of binging and purging right now.

Back on track tomorrow.

HELP MMM

My boyfriend is going to make me eat indian food and its going to ruin my progress, he’s gone to get it now and i’m panicking. I can’t purge because he’ll hear me.

WHAT

THE

FUCK

AM

I

SUPPOSED

TO

DO

I hate my thights sO GODDAMN MUCH.

Food diary #2

Breakfast:

1 caramel instant latte (no sugar or milk): 66

1 chocolate wafer: 100

Lunch:

1 pack of crisps: 132

Dinner:

¾ tin of minnestrone soup: 95

Snack:

1 pack of neo biscuits (4 in a pack): 176

Total: 569

Calories burnt walking/ light leg lifts: 110

Total: 459

It’s halloween tomorrow and my birthday, and my boyfriend is coming over so I might treat myself tomorrow, I know i’ll feel guilty but i’ll just purge whatever I eat when I go over 600 calories - thats if I do.

I’m pretty proud of the weight i’ve lost (2nd pic is me now) and sure there’s still like 15lbs to go but man i’m still much happier than I was (weight wise)

I’m 17 tomorrow (Halloween baby ayyy) and I still look like a chubby 12 year old, like, can I just look older n less fat pls, I’m trying my best here but puberty must’ve forgotten me

Food Diary #1 (29/10/18)

Breakfast:

2 apples (190)

1 caramel instant latte (66)

Snack:

1 small chocolate wafer (100)

1 small bag of crisps (132)

Dinner:

1 small potato (130)

1 cup boiled veg (44)

Total: 662 - 105

Exercise: 105 (I only did 500 crunches spread out over 30 mins)

Total intake:557

I was aiming for below 600 so i’m pretty happy with that, i’ve been stuck on a binge purge cycle for weeks and i’ve gained a lot but i’m sO ready to lose all of this goddamn fat already.

To have that bone on my wrist be more prominent than ever

I haven’t used this blog in forever since my last one (WitheringOrange) was taken down, but imma start postings tons of thinspo again! If you have any requests let me know and I usually get them done within a day or less❤

To look skinny in jeans

To not have fat poking out of my fishnets

To be that lanky ooo

1 year ago (128lbs) vs now (111lbs)

The goddamn truth

Any advice on how to get out from a baaaad binging episode?

Please

Ribs

I wanted this so badly, every bite less, every second of exercise made me feel good.

I wanted them to see my ribs and that they thought it was easy for me to be thin, that everyone would stare at me and smile at me because I was pretty.

But when they look at my ribs, they feel terrified, they beg me to eat, I made my siblings cry, they thought I was going to die.

This isn´t the kind of care I expected.

“oh baby, you just have to set limits”

That’s the problem. I have no limits, I have no control.

And sometimes I can go from eating 4000 calories in a day, to eating absolutely nothing. There is no middle ground.

I can’t stop.

Restricting your calorie intake is like sticking your tongue over the edge of a knife. At some point you’re going to push too hard and hurt yourself.

Eating less and less isn’t setting a limit, it’s pushing the limit towards the lowest.

And for me, whatever limit I put myself, it’s unreachable.

Staysafe♡

Oh honey, do you want to go shopping?

I hate going to buy clothes.

When people ask me why I don’t like shopping, I tell them it’s because it bores me, but the truth is that when I go into a store, I’m excited to see all those dresses and skirts, but then when I see my reflection, I remember that my body doesn’t look the way I would like it to and that probably none of those clothes will look good on me.

Those thoughts make me want to cry and I get frustrated, I leave the store and come home with empty hands and an empty stomach I don’t want to fill.

Stay safe♡

It’s five in the morning and I just looked up places to hide drugs so my boyfriend won’t know I have artificial sweeteners.

Ahahahahahahaha what the fuck brain.