#lonely
I’m so incredibly unhappy.
Facebook is filled with fake friends that I’m slowly getting rid of as 99.9% don’t give a crap about me so no point in having them as “friends”.
Everyday is utterly depressing.
I sometimes get so upset because of how lonely and miserable I feel. I don’t get out and can go ages without even speaking to anyone.
Just a general rant is all…
When SYML said “If you’re scared, I’m on my way. Did you run away? Did you run away, I don’t need to know. If you ran away. If you ran away, come back home. Just come home.”
And when Hozier said “I woke with her walls around me……She never asked me once about the wrong I did.”
The World of Apu (1959) / dir. Satyajit Ray
My lonlieness and anxiety get so unbarable at night. I wish that I can just fall asleep in less than an hour. If I knew that sleep was going to soon take this pain away, I will be able to bare it until then….but when I lay in bed, not knowing if I’m going to fall asleep by the crack of dawn or after the sun rises, I panic. I get over whelmed with fear and sadness knowing that I’m going to have to live through an entire night of emotional pain again. It’s currently 11:34pm and I’m already afraid.
Me:[waiting for my order]
Worker:[yells my order number but forgets my cookie]
Me:“he’s probably going to get it soon”
Anxiety:“but what if he forgot? Or what if you didn’t order one? And your just standing there looking stupid waiting for nothing?
Anxiety:"your gunna be so humiliated if you ask where your cookie is and they say you didn’t order one!
Anxiety:"you’ve been awkwardly standing there for over a minute already, it’s been too long, just go.
Me:"I can just ask if they forgot my cookie”
Anxiety:“no I’m not going to let you embarrass yourself”
Worker:“are you waiting for another order?”
Anxiety:“GET OUT OF THERE”
Me:“no, I was just leaving”
that’s how anxiety can ruin and make you overthink the most simplest things…I just wanted a fucking cookie :(
Why do the little things break me but when I’m experiencing a traumatic event, it’s like a normal thing?
Everyone leaves. Even if they said they would never do so. They will. I am sorry.
Does anyone have $150? Message me.
sorry i haven’t uploaded anything in a while, i’ve been dealing with some things. but i do have more edits to upload, so enjoy. ily.
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I’m terrified to be alone.
