#tw ed shit
fuck chocolate. i hate it. it’s so damn triggering.
i’ve binged. and then cut myself. great. i thought i was finally over this, but i guess i never will
all i need is a flat tummy for fuck’s shake
the amount of food i’ve consumed these past few days is insane. fuck family gatherings
i’m so tired of having to face the same problems over and over again. like seriously i’ve been struggling with my body image and relationship with food for 3.5 fucking years. i’m actually starting to believe that i will never escape this. fuck
i need to stop making up excuses to eat all the time… like fuck. how will i ever lose that weight, if i just keep stuffing my face??
Water fasting: Day 8
Today’s thought: I can’t sleep because I’m so anxious at the moment for tomorrow’s family lunch out and i dunno what to do.
And yes, even though my mum bought me some sugar-free wheat bread I would still prefer “Plain *Ice cold* black coffee (Sugar-free)” because I trust what I see than what is labeled from the grocery. Yea I don’t trust food just like guys.
Mum gave me this… I don’t feel safe eating bread again this is not one of my *safe* food…
My breakfast for today…..
I woke up earlier than expected today, mum woke me for breakfast because she’s leaving again for tomorrow and we’ll not be seeing her again for the next three weeks. She requested to have breakfast with us, since I don’t really eat and I’m on my third day of Water fasting I only want plain black coffee.
Now I feel a little frustrated because we will be out for lunch later at my grandparent’s place and everybody is there, now I don’t know what to do it’s making me anxious about stuff.
This is a shirt when I was still at the larger size.. Now it is hanging and doesn’t embrace my body anymore the hang gave me a glance at my old self, it looks huge on me.. But a little bit of cringe because I still blame myself on indulging on food before made me realize how fat I was before.. Now I’m far from my starting weight.
Saw this on my screenshot.. God! This is how worst I am, even nuggets terrifies me a lot.. I was a the point on purging after that.. But end up jogging for 2 hours.
Just got home after I was admitted to a unit…
Damn.. I gained 5kg.
How hard does it for someone to understand that ED is not just plain and simple as * GO… EAT!“ I will solemnly agree if you can heal a cancer patient with one session of chemotherapy!! This is so annoying! I’m so tired of this explanation cycle! God d*mn it!!
My anxiety level is so high at the moment, my mum cooked some fried rice and egg with tomatoes. I gave her the illusion that I will finish my food.. THEN… My ED be like: “ NEVER AGAIN… YOU’LL NEVER GAIN AGAIN… GOT THAT?
1000 jumps done, it’s been 2 weeks since I started this and still water fasting, this is a little bit exhausting because my vision is kinda funny. I also knotted both sides to add more weights on the rope.. This is a weighted jumping rope to begin with its just I want to spice a little bit on the jumping rope game so I knotted both sides and it heavier now. Overall its still worth it because there’s a lot of progress..
No one:
My vision whenever I try to get up:
This is the tricky part of water fasting, when you need to pee then suddenly your vision is messing up with you.
Happy Halloween then??
- I water fasted for more than 15 days now. I tried to lean on the wall because I felt a little sick today and a little dizzy getting up right away. I thimk another 10 days to go before I break my fast??? Then 7 days rest and back to water fasting again, maybe???
FACT:
NEVER… Yes N-E-V-E-R rely to someone or somebody on the progress that you want to achieve.. Most of the people I know in this community are either Pervert Ana Coach or playing cool ana coach low-key pervert acting like there’s no malice in their system but they are actually after for your body checks while you on the other hand don’t see it in a negative way without even realizing these bastards urge to jerk off..
me? using my ed as a coping mechanism? naaah never
me, 3 minutes later, using my ed as a coping mechanism: ✌️
