The sound of my stomach growling makes me feel proud :)

I’m scared to open up about my ED because i’m “not skinny enough” or “not sick enough” to have one. even tho i myself know i’m valid, i know others wouldn’t.

i’m going to start using this app more again, i’ve finally been successful at losing weight so i have more motivation to keep going finally!

i need help and advice!!

if i eat a 100 calorie salad will it make me lose or gain weight, because the salad is big but it’s low calories.. help plz?

me : *eating on call*

my boyfriend: what are you eating?

me: oh just chips but i’m done

i wasn’t done but you had to notice. i didn’t eat anything all day and i was trying to eat something when i felt comfortable. i wish you didn’t ask me what i was eating, it makes me feel fat to eat and now i wanna throw up the 4 chips i ate.

the last two days for me were so bad, i ate way too much and felt sick after everything. im gonna try to eat little to nothing this weekend depending on what my family will force me to eat, i need to be skinny.

i just had a good day of only eating 400 calories and now i’m eating a 220 calorie bagel… is this ok i’m so scared i hate this shit

I did it!!! My first fast over 20 hours! I’m so proud of myself. I’m going to have eggs and a smoothie and then do a 16 or 18 hour fast.

This week’s meal plan

I’m going to eat only these things this week each day. It all adds up to about 800 cals per day. I’m going to try to work my way down by slowly eliminating things.

• Yogurt ~90 cals
• Apple ~100 cals
• 2 sweet potatoes ~200 cals
• 3 steamed eggs ~216 cals
• Protein shake with 100ml milk ~190 cals
• Drinks: water, black coffee, tea only

I’m going to do this along side 16:8 or maybe 18:6 fasting. I do have a job that requires me to concentrate and have energy so if need be ill have some water and chicken stock. Today I am having a protein shake for dinner and going to start fasting at 8pm. My stomach is upset tonight so it should be fine.

These bitches are my bffs. Relora is ~amazing~ if you have stress or anxiety it has been shown in studies to lower your cortisol levels (that is the stress hormone). I don’t like supplements so I only take them if I can find real peer-reviewed studies on them.

It won’t replace prescribed meds but really helps me. Unfortunately, it is not good for people with medical conditions that have to do with estrogen (like Endo).

It can also help prevent stress eating

Having a “mild” alcohol dependency disorder and an ED doesn’t making any F-ing sense but here I am drinking my calories.

Just updated my cw from 54.5 to 55.5kg. I’m so sad rn.

January 20 dinner

• Garlic fried rice with kimchi: I dont know the cals, maybe about 300

Today’s total: ~700cals. My goal was 600 but this is okay i guess.

January 20 breakfast

• Chocolate chip latte: 115cals
• Yogurt: 90cals
• Total: 205

I already hate myself. I’ve been binging a lot the past few days. I want to stay under 600cals today.

January 19 Lunch

Cucumber: 45 cals

Water

Totals:

Breakfast: 350

Lunch: 45

Total: 395cals

January 19 breakfast

Coffee 0cals

2 steamed eggs: 144cals

Waffle: 113cals

Yogurt: 85cals

Water

Running total: 342, lets round to 350

This is the same breakfast I had yesterday but I added the eggs because I was so hungry after breakfast yesterday that I gave into my cravings and had ice cream. This is more cals than I would like for breakfast but im hoping to prevent a binge. I binge hard at nights

January 18 dinner

Chocolate meal replacement shake with 100ml milk: 190 but let’s just call it 200.

Steamed egg: 70cals

Ritz crackers and Gouda: 300?

Breakfast: 400cals

Lunch: 160cals

Dinner: 570cals

Final total: 1130cals

I was doing great until the evening cravings kicked in I think I should try to eat something a little more filling at lunch because now I want oreos and milk too ☠

Update: I had the oreos and milk so final total is probably over 2000 cals. I didn’t count because I don’t want to know…

January 18 lunch

Soup: 60cals (this soup is my ultimate safe food)

Biscuit/cheese snack: 98cals

Water

Post-lunch big mug of green tea: 0cals

Breakfast total: 400cals

Lunch total: 160cals

Running total: ~560cals

My goal was to stay under 800 today (see my pinned post) but I have a R A G I N G headache that will not go away so I might end up eating a bit more. At least it is snowing~~ ❄

3.11.21

~ 35 oz water

figured if i post my log now i cant eat for the rest of the night…

My bmi is 17.9….. I’m officially underweight??? Then how come I still feel so fucking fat eating disorders are scams smh

TW - Suicide mention, self harm mention, eating disorder mention, depression/anxiety mention.

I want opinions off people who don’t know me in real life and therefore can’t be biased, so if you can be bothered then let me know what you think!!!

Question: Is it bad of me to get into a relationship when my mental health is complete and utter trash?

Now when I say this I mean it’s really really bad and like I don’t know if I’ll be alive most days which I think is really unfair on a person I’d be potentially dating. My issue is that I feel like I can’t tell the guy I’m talking to that we should stop before it gets any more serious because I’m mentally unstable, because I feel like it sounds like an excuse? It’s not, it’s literally true but I don’t want him to think I’m backing out for any other reason other than the fact I don’t think it’s fair to make him deal with my bullshit when I don’t even know how to deal with my bullshit? And not just my eating disorder but also my depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and self harm. It’s all a lot to handle and it’s very bad rn. What do you think? Am I doing the right thing in telling him we can’t be together? Or am I fucking things up for no reason?

CAUSE IM ANOREXIC MY GUY WHY ELSE LMFAOOOO

never ending cycle

IM GONNA KILL MYSELFFFFFFF YEAH YEAHHHHHY

anorexia made me crazy but the bones r worth it

when i wanna cry i just go on tumblr and look at my collarbone n then all of a sudden everything’s alright

i’m going to kill myself ( affirmation )