#depressing things
Spring break is over, Tomorrow back to school I’m very nervous and might relapse, going to try very hard not to self harm I haven’t In 3 weeks. My longest is 6 weeks and I’m going to go longer. But I’m going to focus on my eating disorder right now. I’m trying to stay strong because I know there’s hope! Stay strong all xoxo
And today I want to apologize to myself. Apologize for giving up too early, for hating my skin when it was protecting me. Apologize for starving myself when my body was dying. Apologize for falling off the wagon constantly. I want to apologize for every single pain i put my body through. Apologize for making it feel as if it wasn’t worthy enough for me because it is and always will be. And today may not be the day I will want to return to it with everything within me. But I want to let it know that I’m coming back to it slowly by slowly. And I want to thank it for accepting me.
- g.d (welcome me home)
“I want to wrap myself around you, to surround you with everything I have, everything I am. To hold you so tight that you forget where you begin and where I end. To consume you but also free you. I want to be everything you ever wanted and everything you thought you’d never need. I want to hold you so tight and make you realize that you’re always going to be enough, enough for me. I want to whisper words I’ve always said but never meant and lull you to sleep with them. I want to hold you so tight that you’ll believe me even as you drift off into a world where I’ll never be able to visit with you. I love you. I love you. I love you.”
- g.d (allow me to be the one you need)
“The sea is only as powerful as you allow it to be.”
- g.d (the sea)
“The most devastating part of having depression is not the numbness, the crying or feeling no emotions. It’s the inability to do the things you love so dearly. You could love reading, it is something you can do every day but one day you’re sitting down and you forget how it feels to sink into a book. To lose yourself into another dimension. I think that is the most devastating part of depression, to be eradicated - even for a moment - from doing the things you love with everything in you. For me, that is the most devastating, gut-wrenching emotion that depression brings along with it. The inability to love the things that once made you delirious.”
- g.d. (loss)
“You give and give, only to realize that there isn’t much left to give. So you shut doors and learn to heal, learn to give to yourself. Only to have people say you’re being selfish. But then retort and say “Fuck you, I am still going to give but to myself first."”
- g.d. (i’m important as well)
How does everyone deal with their depression? I feel like I need a new method to deal with mine. To all my followers and anyone reading this..how do you do it? How do stop or treat the oncoming depressive day or episode? I would love to hear your replies and maybe we can help each other out!
“Depression is when you’re sitting in your room and you can hear people laughing and all you can do is listen in to their laughter and not bring yourself to feel happy with them. It is when you’re angry at your mom for brining you into a world to only want to escape it (even though it’s not her fault). It’s when you just want to cry but can’t because god forbid someone saw tear stains on your cheeks. So you just sit still in hope that the numbness will pass, and that you make it through the day. When all you want is to sleep and not wake up ever again.”
- g.d. (what depression is)
“Sometimes people forget how hard it is to go about your day. How hard it is to just love someone who loves you. When depression hits you, you forget everything, you forget that you’re loved and you love someone. Because its this piece of shit that reminds you constantly that you are not worthy of the love. That whatever you set out to do won’t be enough because you are not enough. I feel this constantly. Some days I’ll be fine but days like today, breathing even crying feels like the biggest task in life. So, I want everyone to know, that this will pass and one day we will look back and realize that this had to happen, to let us become who we are today.”
- g.d (this will make us weak before it makes us strong)
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU
I FUCKING HATE RECOVERY. I HATE DEALING WITH MY PROBLEMS THE “HEALTHY” WAY
Fuck me up
