#incorrect quotes harry potter
James: good morning starshine, the earth says hello
remus: shut the fuck up
James: This is a great idea.
Remus: No it’s not
Sirius: C'mon! What’s there to worry about?!! This looks like so much fun!
Remus: You too together. That too in Lily’s kitchen. This is gonna end up in a huge disaster.
James: Alrighty, Pessimist! Shush it off. Let’s make something for Lily!!!
*Few hours later*
Lily: Hey James. Okay okay, calm down. Calm down! What happened?!
Sirius: He is too hysterical to talk, so what happened is….
Lily: Wait wait. What is that noise behind you? Is that a siren?!
Sirius: So about that…you have insurance on your house right?
Remus: i told you…
Sirius: Okay, well, I guess I just never think of money as an issue.
Remus: That’s because you have it.
Sirius: You make a good point.
The sound of something falling inside a cupboard when you close it is the sound of someone else’s problem.
Roxanne Weasley, probably
Hermione: So… the ministry has a death warrant out for you. The Order can’t help us. You-Know-Who could come out of hiding at any moment and the last person with information to kill him has been killed. But we shouldn’t worry, because we have a cryptic locket note and a vague hunch about magic items from a bedtime story.
Harry:Yeah, pretty much.
Pansy:What’s your blood type?
Theo: How would I know?
Pansy: How would you not?
Theo:Who do I look like, Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups?
Pansy:You don’t know your blood type, but you know who discovered them?
Janelle (OC): I didn’t think you’d take it that far!
Roxanne, offended: You didn’t think I’d savagely rampage on a group of random strangers? You think so little of me.
Fred II: Lou took the wheels from my heelies. I feel like an angel without wings.
Fred II: I have to walk down the hallways like a peasant and I am LIVID.
Husband #7, through a door: Beth, it’s me. You know, your husband?
Beth, on the other side of the door: Who needs a husband when you have MONEY!?
Auror: We’ve found the person that stole your identity and impersonated you.
Lucy: Cool, where were they?
Auror: We found them eating Cheetos and crying in their car.
Lucy:Wow, they really went for it.
Lily Luna: Siblings are weird.
Lily Luna: I mean, I’d give my brothers a kidney, but they aren’t borrowing my phone charger.
Hannah:You’re the best person I’ve ever met!
Pansy:I’ve literally killed five people.
[Sirius ran into his mother after being disowned]
Sirius: It must be nice to be rich instead of having to develop a personality.
Walburga:Shut up, Sirius.
Sirius:Buy my silence, Mother!
Ron: Harry, did you have a bad dream?
Harry:No, I’m having a bad reality.
Jacek (OC) to Hannah: Mom, I made a discovery! By mixing blue and yellow you can make an entirely new color! I’m gonna call it… Blellow!
Victoire: Gentle reminder not to eat to much candy before bed!
Cassie (OC): No.
Victoire: This was supposed to be a gentle reminder, yet your defiance brings me ungodly amounts of rage.
[Teddy’s seventh birthday party is being held at an arcade]
Narcissa, holding up a minion plushie: I won this ugly yellow toddler. It is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
[Pansy & Hannah have just found Hadley (OC) in a dumpster and have taken her in]
5-year-old Hadley (OC): I can’t believe witches are real! I thought they were just something adults made up to scare kids. Like vitamins.
Hannah: Hadley, vitamins arereal.
Hadley (OC): Well now I’m thinking they might be!
Husband #1: Am I not a part of the mountains and seas as they are a part of me?
Beth: I have no idea what that means but it sounds deep.
Victoire: We’re back!
Cassie (OC), running up to hug Victoire and Teddy: Mom! Dad! You’re back! I’m so happy to see you!
Cassie (OC): Really happy! So, so happy!
Cassie (OC): You have no idea how hap-
Draco, who’s been taking care of her: Point taken, kid.
Andromeda: I hate how Alexa is marketed as “part of the family”.
Andromeda: Like, if I wanted a cold, untrustworthy, and emotionless machine in my life, I’d just talk to my mother.
Marlene: I’m so gay for Sirius.
Marlene: By that I mean every time I see him, I get the slightest bit gayer to avoid ever being attracted to that piece of garbage.
Marlene: Screw you, Black.
Good morning! God has let me live another day and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.
Marlene McKinnon, probably
McGonagall, shaking her head: How are you not dead yet?
Dumbledore:Well, there’s a very simple answer for that. Sheer spite to outlive my brother.
Anne (OC), watching the news: Some idiot got into a fight with a squid at the zoo today.
Theo, standing behind her covered in ink: Well maybe the squid was being a dick.
Bellatrix: This is Soren. She’s adorable.
Bellatrix: She’s also a war criminal.
Bellatrix: But still adorable.
Sirius:Reg, are you talking to yourself?
Regulus: Well, it’s the only way to have an intelligent conversation around here.
My mother cried the day I was born because she knew she could never be better than me.
Andromeda Black, probably
Teddy:Remember when you told me not to burn down the house?
Andromeda: You burned down the house?
Teddy: No! The fire was out almost immediately.
Teddy: This is a success story!
I come and go as I please. It’s part of my charm. I’m like an outdoor cat.
Lucy Weasley, probably
Sirius: So Andy’s doing the right thing instead of the selfish thing?
Sirius, looking at Ted: You did this to her.
Evan:Barty needs help.
Beth:You’re just realizing this now?
Evan: No, I mean help with girls.
Beth: Again, you’re just realizing this now?
