Everyone around me are growing up and getting their lives together but I can’t even get out of bed.

i wonder if anyone would treat me differently if they knew how suicidal i am

I just want to leave like I never existed.

I don’t want anyone to remember me,

I don’t want to hurt anyone.

I feel like I’m not supposed to be here.

I don’t want to do anything anymore, I don’t want to be anything anymore

Sometimes, we look at ourselves and we don’t like what we see. Maybe it’s because you think you don’t like like you should. Maybe you try think you’re not pretty. Too hairy, or too shaved. Not thin enough, not fat enough. With breasts too big or too small. Or maybe you don’t like a little thing, like the size of your nose, or the way your teeth show when you smile. Maybe you don’t like your body because it’s a “male” body (even if you know that it’s not). Maybe you simply don’t like who you are.

But I’m pretty sure you’re not the one thinking this things at the first place, right?

Probably, someone told you this, at some point. They probably said it sound like it was true.

I know how it’s like. Most of us know.

There’s a chance that you don’t even remember when or who said it, but the words still somewhere in your head. And sometimes, they show up, and these are bad days.

You could be in a bad day because you’re going through some hard shit on your life, or because you woke up feeling like shit with no apparent reason.

But let me tell you something

You’re pretty.

You’re not useless.

You can soft, strong, quiet, loud, tall, short, big, small, have colorful hair, use glasses, don’t shave very often (or at all). You can have have disabilities. You can be anything, or just don’t, there’s nothing wrong with it.

Repeat with me:

There’s no wrong or right way of being yourself.

Intrusive thoughts are intrusive,and they’re totally not your fault.

Try to love yourself, dear, cause the bad days pass.

But please don’t try to hide your feelings and pretend they’re not there. If you can’t handle with something, ask for help. Send us a message. Send me a message, if you want. @glitter–stuff is my main.

If you can’t handle the bad things alone, then you don’t have to do it. Please, take care.

With lots of love,

mod Chris

Beginning of Christmas season⛄

Everyone : *happy bc Christmas holidays are in a few weeks*

Me : *crippling anxiety bc I’ll have to spend it with my parents and won’t be able to eat <500 cals /day without them noticing my relapse*

During the holidays

Everyone : *enjoying the holidays, treating themselves with wonderful Christmas food*

Me : *constant mental breakdown, unable to enjoy spending time with loved ones, can’t eat the delicious food without being on the verge of tears*

After the holidays

Everyone : *happy bc they’ve spent a good time, having gained a few pounds isn’t really an issue*

Me : *relieved bc I can go back to starve and punishing myself for having gained a few pounds, and hating myself bc I couldn’t enjoy Christmas this year again*

Oh yeah having an ed is somuch✨fun

I remember a moment when I was at my lw (dangerously low) that made me realize how fucked up my ed and body dismorphia were.

I was naked in front of the mirror, disgusted by how large my chest was. I was squeezing my torso to see how much fat I had and how I’d look if I’d lose it.

And then I realized I didn’t have any fat left there. What was too large for my ed was my ribcage. I was a fucking skeleton trying to get skinnier and even bones seemed too much.

And despite knowing I was deadly sick, desperate, lonely and suicidal, a part of me wants to go to that weight and body so bad. And I’m slowly relapsing again, saying I’m just trying to “lose some weight” when in reality I wanna be a skeleton again.

I want to have sex/intime relation but I’m too insecure and hate my body

And I’d like to have penetrative sex but it scares me, so I was wondering why, and figured out it may be linked to my fear/disgust of things (food) entering my body

So here’s another side effect of my ed on my life :)

when asked what superpower I would chose, I always say shape-shifting

but it’s really just bc it means I could change my body in a skinnier and prettier one

What did you get with the money grandma gave you??

Psychologist: based on how you are feeling and how you are eating… You might have relapsed….

Therapist : do you not eat because you want to lose weight? Are you counting calories again?

Me:

Posting my tweet here too hehe

Oh so I’m fat ?

Then how does it feel to see your favorite shorts you wore when you were 10 fall down my legs auntie ☺️?