can someone be my buddy, just someone i can talk to about anything going on

i’m back and definetly not doing better than ever

last few days have been on my period and been having a hard few days

i wish i can go back and to tell myself to stop eating.

day 4: felt so drained today, woke up at 6 cause i had a class at 8 and then my first meal was at 1 and testerday i had dinner around 8pm, so that means i technically did a 17 hour fast¿?¿

wow i didn’t know it was that long until now and ngl i feel pretty great about that. haven’t done a fast in ages, let alone one that lasted that long

oh ya and today was the first time that i had a single-serve meal and i was full after it!! like full to the point that when i was asked if i wanted seconds i said no right away!! like usually i would say yes, then realize taht i shouldn’t and then decline later. but today’s reaction was so quick i felt so good!!!

so today was a very good day

not sure if this will help anyone, but a small little trick that i use to help me go to sleep faster when i’m hungry: i drink so much water til the point that my stomach hurts and then i fall asleep faster cause u sleep faster on a full stomach.

idrk is that made any sense but ya

If yall actually comment shit like this on skinny peoples posts then unfollow me please.

Imagine how they feel when they see comments like these… what the hell is wrong with you people????

I get it, you have an ed, I do too. But it doesn’t give you the right to comment stuff like this, its disrespectful as hell.

Having an ed doesn’t excuse you from being a shitty person.

I’ll be proud if I pull through lol

I’ve been losing somewhat consistently these past couple of weeks and I’m content with that, but I really want to push myself this week, just to see how much I can lose. I’ll try to fast one day and then eat around 300 cals on the next, plus I’ll add in a quick cardio workout and see how it goes. I’ll keep you guys updated. ✌

Cant believe I actually lost 20 pounds…

I did that

Got a long way to go but hey, I’m getting there.

(I know 20 pounds ain’t much to most people but I’m lowkey proud of it lol)

Finally reached 160 pounds…. I havent seen that number in such a long time.

Wanna know something really sad?

Some of the people who own those deactivated ana accounts (that we reblog ana tips/meanspo/sweetspo from) actually died… because of their eating disorder.

That could be me tomorrow, or in a couple of weeks, or in a year or two. I could die from this, yet I dont seem to care.

I bet they thought the same thing as me rn and that’s scary af.

I dont get it.

A couple of months ago, while walking to school, I saw someone who went to primary school with me. It was a girl that used to make fun of me for being fat all the time, to the point where I had to go to the girls restroom in the middle of class just so I can cry and get away from here for a little bit.

She stopped me and said hi and was, surprisingly, very nice. Kindness was the last thing I expected from her tbh. So, anyway we talked for a couple of minutes discussing mundane things like, how are you, what school are you going to now, what’s it like there etc.

After those couple of minutes, we said our goodbyes and parted ways. All I could think about in that moment was: why did she talk to me and why was she so damn disgustingly nice?? Like girl, you legit made fun of me EVERY DAY.

Does she feel any remorse at all? Does she even care that her words have completely changed me as a person? Does she even care she indirectly caused my ed?

How do you just forget about something that you did that caused another person pain? How do you even sleep at night?

If I every reach an underweight bmi I will give myself a pass to maybe consider recovery. Atleast then I wont be an absolute joke lol

You dont really see people talking about the way eds make you behave and what effect it has on relationships….

Everything my family does, it pisses me off.

Everything my friends do, it pisses me off.

The people I love(d) the most piss me off so much rn. To the point where I think I hate them just because they exist… even though they did NOTHING wrong.

I just want to fight with everyone and everything and it’s so fucking exhausting…

The only satisfaction/happiness I get is from seeing the number on the scale go down… that’s it.

Which means, if I gain a pound or stay the same weight for a certain amount of time, it will make me absolutely miserable. It will make me want to just go to sleep and never wake up because the one thing that gives me happiness is not there.

I have nothing.

I’m 9 pounds away from hitting my second goal weight… we’re getting there folks

Slowly but surely

I’ve managed to not binge for a while and it’s making me lose a couple of pounds, which is good.

But I’ve noticed I’ve been a lot meaner to my friends for no reason and I’ve been a lot more impatient with them. It just makes me sad because I cant control it and I’m genuinely almost always angry. (Bcs I dont eat that much)

But hey, I gotta make some sacrifices along the way to stop looking like a pig. If I have to lose a couple of friends along the way… then I guess thats just gonna have to happen.