I’m so confused crying in my bedroom…tell me, do I deserve to eat or no?

Do you ask your skinny friends about how they eat and they just say “ohh, when I feel myself hungry, it’s obviously”

BITCH NO I KNOW YOU KNOW THE SECRET

Nobody, just me? Okay..

When you accidentally notice your naked body in the mirror

I changed my hair color so now I’m going change my body

Please tell me, that sometimes you feel that your body is your best thinspo

Feeling like your stomach is full and how the food is digested is literally the worst

When someone uses eugenia cooney as a thinspo

Ed community:

Korean thinspo

Swimsuit

I was excited to buy a new swimsuit.

I chose a very cute one, peach colored, bare back, one piece. I haven’t used one in two years.

But when I tried it on, body dysmorphia knocked on the door: knock knock, you look deformed!

I notice every lump, every shape, every imperfection and they horrify me.

At that moment I saw a tear come out of my eyes. I took it off immediately. I told the saleswoman that it didn’t fit and almost ran out of the store.

When will I be able to try on clothes without feeling bad?

Any advice on how to get out from a baaaad binging episode?

Please

My mom bought cookies

I don’t know how to stop thinking about eating them.

I know that when I taste a single cookie, I’ll end up eating all of them.

I don’t want to binge.

What should I do?

Ribs

I wanted this so badly, every bite less, every second of exercise made me feel good.

I wanted them to see my ribs and that they thought it was easy for me to be thin, that everyone would stare at me and smile at me because I was pretty.

But when they look at my ribs, they feel terrified, they beg me to eat, I made my siblings cry, they thought I was going to die.

This isn´t the kind of care I expected.

I’m pretty, I’m depressed

5 things that nobody tells you about ed

1. At first everyone encouraged your weight loss, now they look horrified as you weigh even grapes.
2. You know you’re destroying your body and you feel good about it?
3. You’re never in control, it’s food what controls you.
4. What’s the point of looking good if you don’t even have the energy to get up because you’ve only eaten half an apple?
5. You never get to feel happy because a small part of you knows that you’re wrong. The scale will say what it wants, but your mind will never agree.

I know having an ed isn’t something to be proud of.

Too much of everything becomes unhealthy, it includes stop eating.

Staysafe♡

“oh baby, you just have to set limits”

That’s the problem. I have no limits, I have no control.

And sometimes I can go from eating 4000 calories in a day, to eating absolutely nothing. There is no middle ground.

I can’t stop.

Restricting your calorie intake is like sticking your tongue over the edge of a knife. At some point you’re going to push too hard and hurt yourself.

Eating less and less isn’t setting a limit, it’s pushing the limit towards the lowest.

And for me, whatever limit I put myself, it’s unreachable.

Staysafe♡

Oh honey, do you want to go shopping?

I hate going to buy clothes.

When people ask me why I don’t like shopping, I tell them it’s because it bores me, but the truth is that when I go into a store, I’m excited to see all those dresses and skirts, but then when I see my reflection, I remember that my body doesn’t look the way I would like it to and that probably none of those clothes will look good on me.

Those thoughts make me want to cry and I get frustrated, I leave the store and come home with empty hands and an empty stomach I don’t want to fill.

Stay safe♡

Hack #15267

I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this:

I CAN’T EAT S L O W L Y

I usually eat very fast and I know that this influences the way my digestive system digests food, but I am so used to eating in that way, that the classic advice of “eat slower” doesn’t work for me.

First I have to get used to my mind, because it is a habit that I’ve ingrained from forever.

What I do to “train” my brain to eat slowly is to use the cutlery the other way around.

If I eat soup, I do it with a fork, if I eat chopped fruit, I do it with a spoon. In this way it is more difficult for me to eat and I do it slower and in fewer better bites, which psychologically makes me feel as if I had eaten a lot.

It may seem ridiculous at first, but it’s a small change that makes a big difference.

Pd. I only do it when I’m at home, because people might see it as something weird lol

Staysafe♡

Me after finding out my friends knew about my eating disorder all along

life update:

I finally got the balls to tell my mom i’m depressed. Now i’m on the max dosage of my antidepressant even though i still don’t feel better. I know it’s a life long thing and there’s no cure but i really wish there was. I’m back to my SW but i’m going to start exercising which is something i’ve never enjoyed. i’m also gonna start eating healthier and not restricting. i kinda just wanna see how things go. as of right now i have a couple friends. i don’t know how i feel about my roommates. we don’t really click like how i do with my other friends. my relationship with my family is a lot better though. my mom became nice to me when she found out i was suicidal i guess. i noticed a pattern with that type of thing. like other people’s parents became nicer to them too when they found out they were mentally ill. it feels so strange to say in my head that im mentally ill. i kinda just have the voice in my head invalidating me, saying im faking. i find comfort in tumblr knowing there’s other people who go through my struggles. Although im not recovered from my ED, im trying my best so i won’t be on tumble for a while. that’s it, thanks for coming to my tedtalk. love u besties

here’s a picture of my legs. the only thing i’m okay with related to my body. i need to lose some fat on my upper thighs though