#mental disorder
God what I’d give to look like this. Please let me lose so real weight.
I hate myself. I could not eat for two days straight and be doing good but then be like, oh let me just eat something small so I don’t pass out then end up in a four day long binge. Like what the hell is wrong with me.
I would kill to be skinny but I’m dying to eat my whole kitchen.
I hate that oversized sweaters just make me look fatter instead of tiny.
I can’t figure out if I want to be a healthy looking skinny or so skinny that people know I’m sick.
Love trying to decide if a monster ultra is even worth the 10 calories
I feel so tired and empty but I also feels Skinny
Sabes lo que es vivir con ansiedad? Tú que te burlas, tú que dices que exagero, tú que me exiges dar más…
La depresión viene acompañada, eso dijeron los doctores después de un tiempo, ella trajo a una amiga a los meses que me hacía no querer salir, no querer hablar, que los maestros del kinder y primaria le preguntaban a mis padres si no tenía algún problema, pero al parecer no, sólo era “timida”.
Pero siempre ha sido difícil porque no logro escucharte bien y tampoco puedo verte, no, no tengo problemas auditivos o de visión es sólo que mi mente pone sombras sobre sus rostros y me hace pensar que todo da miedo, uno inexplicable, que no debería de hablar con nadie porque soy una perdida de tiempo. Odié tanto la escuela, me escondía bajo mi cama para que no me encontrará pero ella aparecía y me recordaba que era una inútil, me dolía el estomago, comencé a ponerme tan nerviosa por todo y por las cosas tan mínimas que temblaba y sudaba, tenía que acostumbrarme que antes de una exposición o salir tenía que vomitar o si no, lo haría frente a todos. Comencé a acostumbrarme a los espasmos de noche, a los de día… A no poder dormir, a contraer todas las partes de mi cuerpo sin control, esto me quitó el sueño ppr más de cuatro años.
Que me impidió salir a fiestas, a la escuela, a la tienda, a la calle… Dejé de hablar con personas por que no estaba segura de querer hacerlo tampoco quería conocer a nadie más, los extraños no me gustaban, había pánico, había miedo ¿De qué? No sé. Pero es un miedo que no te deja, no te deja en ningun momento y a veces te acompaña junto con la depresión… Otras veces vienen separadas. De verdad es odioso y sinceramente lo odio, me odio. Y no me puedes decir lo contrario porque mi mente por 23 años ha estado podrida.
No one believes me. So I’m just gonna slip away quietly at home. Because no one with authority seems to care.
So I’ve ended up in a Psychiatric hospital… Great just what I wanted - not!
wondering if i’ll ever be able to be close enough to someone to actually fall in love with them haha. i’m going to be alone forever babe. fuck my autism and fuck my life.
Man y'all i am still alive and it suuuuucks
I’m so tired of wanting to die all the time
*watches the new Venom movie*
Welp i guess this alien is my personality now
I’m All Alone.
I’ve come to realize. I’m utterly alone. I have no one to fall back on when life gets hard. I only have myself to rely on. I’ve never had to do this before. And I’m envious of my family never having to experience this. Which is why it hurts me so much that they ignore me and exclude me. I’m doing everything by myself. I’m paying my own bills, working and making my own money. I have 20 days to find a place to live or I’m out on my ass. I’ve asked my family. We’ll, I asked my mom. It’s been over a week now. She’s ignored my call and texts. It just breaks my heart that she doesn’t care if I end up homeless. That hurts. None of her other kids would end up homeless. My mom takes them all in. But me? No. Nobody cares about me in that family. Besides my big sister but she has her own life going on. Hers is hectic too. I know she loves me though. She’s shown me time and again. But the rest of my family? No. None of them love me. No one will help me. I don’t know why. I don’t know what I did to not deserve their love. I used to stay alive just for them. Stop cutting, for them. I’ve now learned to live for myself. Because they don’t give a damn about me. It hurts. I cry about this alot.
MANIC, AGAIN.
I’ve just realized that I’m manic as fuck. The whole relationship with my ex was all part of my manic behavior. I didn’t even like him. I was pushing my feelings from my ex onto him. It wasn’t about him at all. In reality I didn’t like much about him at all. Then deciding to move in with him. Impulse move. I would never have made a decision like that if I was in a depressive episode. Like girl are you stupid?
Strategies to break free when you feel yourself spiraling towards desaster!
Be Ur own Kind of Beautiful
My life choices be like:
I need a long hug and a gentle punch in the face with a chair or something.
