Sometimes, we look at ourselves and we don’t like what we see. Maybe it’s because you think you don’t like like you should. Maybe you try think you’re not pretty. Too hairy, or too shaved. Not thin enough, not fat enough. With breasts too big or too small. Or maybe you don’t like a little thing, like the size of your nose, or the way your teeth show when you smile. Maybe you don’t like your body because it’s a “male” body (even if you know that it’s not). Maybe you simply don’t like who you are.

But I’m pretty sure you’re not the one thinking this things at the first place, right?

Probably, someone told you this, at some point. They probably said it sound like it was true.

I know how it’s like. Most of us know.

There’s a chance that you don’t even remember when or who said it, but the words still somewhere in your head. And sometimes, they show up, and these are bad days.

You could be in a bad day because you’re going through some hard shit on your life, or because you woke up feeling like shit with no apparent reason.

But let me tell you something

You’re pretty.

You’re not useless.

You can soft, strong, quiet, loud, tall, short, big, small, have colorful hair, use glasses, don’t shave very often (or at all). You can have have disabilities. You can be anything, or just don’t, there’s nothing wrong with it.

Repeat with me:

There’s no wrong or right way of being yourself.

Intrusive thoughts are intrusive,and they’re totally not your fault.

Try to love yourself, dear, cause the bad days pass.

But please don’t try to hide your feelings and pretend they’re not there. If you can’t handle with something, ask for help. Send us a message. Send me a message, if you want. @glitter–stuff is my main.

If you can’t handle the bad things alone, then you don’t have to do it. Please, take care.

With lots of love,

mod Chris

People think I’m weird, because I’m always quiet and do “weird” stuff they don’t understand.

But if they only knew. If they only knew what’s going on in my life, they would understand.

They would understand why I’m always quiet. They would understand, because my mom always told me to shut the fuck up and that everyone hates me anyways.

They would understand why I do “weird” stuff. They would understand, because i need to do some stuff to cope with my mental illness, to get through the day.

My mom always says that I’m crazy and that there’s something seriously wrong with me. And that she hates the way I am and wishes she had a different, better daughter.

Well, jokes on you mom. You made me that way.

I’m standing in front of a mirror and look at myself.

I try so hard to find just one tiny thing I love about me. But I just can’t. All I can think of is ‘ugly’, 'fat’, 'unlovable’ and 'disgusting’.

And it’s so hard for me to live like that. I feel ashamed when people look at me because I just feel so ugly.

I have to thank my mother for that. Because I grew up with her saying that I’m 'ugly’, 'unlovable’, 'fat’, 'disgusting’, 'a shame to her’ etc.

For real, please never ever think that emotional abuse isn’t real abuse. It is. It’s so fucking real.

It causes so much damage.

Me:

I‘m feeling confident today.

Me literally 1 minute later:

don’t open your fucking mouth, they will hate everything you say, they hate you already!

This may sound weird, but am I the only one who, sometimes, doesn’t want to get better?

Sometimes i think my mental illness makes me the way I am, almost like an personality of me and if I’m getting better, I feel like losing a part of me.

I don’t know, I can’t really describe it.

Grew up with my dad being an alcoholic.

Used to wake up in the middle of the night, because he came home drunk and started fighting with my mom.

Saw how he fell, because he was so drunk he couldn’t even stand up.

Heard how he insulted my mom, because he thought she cheated on him.

Saw them beat each other in front of me.

Found beer in the garden, under the bed etc because he tried hiding it.

And still, all these years, I thought it was normal.

I grew up thinking every dad comes home drunk.

I believed it until I was 16 years old.

Monsters are real, ghosts are real too. They live inside of us & sometimes they win..

-stephen king

Original Quote Rumourtalks

Spirit guides… 

We usually don’t speak about that, but I always wondered how people:

***who can’t connect no matter what they try

***people living with mental disorders or other unique mental conditions

***someone going through hard and heavy time when they’re loosing themselves in sheer physicality and chaotic activities they need to perform at certain moment at their life

I mean all the people who feel lost, disturbed, overwhelmed and disconnectedduring prolonged period of months, years, possibly entire life- 

how unique their connection to the spirit guides might be. 

Dear heart, if you’re struggling in that way, I’d like to share with you some things which might help you to understand the uniqueness of your condition.

There is a real reason behind your condition, this is your chosen way to learn, refine your soul and spiritually evolve - you’re basically a child learning to swim, alone, scared, but only this way without any help you might learn a lot, really a lot. 

***It needs a lot of bravery, special commitment of your soul to live any experience truly and deeply, being a mystical warrior who is going in the very darkness and let it destroy themselves while studying its ways. And compassion - it underlays everything, your soul committed to that hard journey as a way to gain knowledge to contribute to a lot of beings, without learning and transmuting darkness cosmos can’t continue…

You possibly have experienced strong connection with your spirit guides at certain moment and now high vibration energy you received is working in you, purifying, transmuting, it should be rather hard experience, your darkness is moving and manifesting, karmic connections and lessons are activated. But you’re on the way.

If you’ve previously tried to connect with the spirit guides through various rituals and tools but failed, it might possibly indicate that you were searching in wrong direction and tended to allow yourself to be led by wishful thinking and fantasies. Your failing is your blessing, it means you’re staying on your true path. It’s an indication that it’s time to let go of all expectations, fears, go back to your inner child and open your heart.  

All things are coming in time, there is a time for sowing and time for gathering.

Spirit guides for the lost, disturbed, deeply down 

Embrace simple things, things which are personal and unique, how you experience darkness counts. Your connection with the spirit guides is actually very unique, subtle and personal. Let yourself experience it without holding the images of certain rituals, people, conditions allowing that connection happens. 

Anxious? Lost? Heavy? Go for that and experience, cry, dissolve yourself in day-to-day office work, fight your obsessions but embrace that as your way to grow and connect.

Sometimes it might be as simple as stopping at road crossing and staying for a while observing people, cars and trees, speaking to somebody you never meant to speak, finding beauty in the ornament created with windows and roofs of the houses you’re passing by. Raw, simple, authentic. 

Relax in every moment, no matter what, as deep as possible, relaxation is your way back to reality of your heart

Stay focused, you’re not preparing yourself to experience something special or searching for particular signs, you have no expectations - actually you’re opening to experience anything as that special, but without clinging, letting everything flow

***images and pattern - did you notice twins walking street in front of you? or three beautiful girls in black stepping from drug store?

***colors - what is the color of your neighbor eyes? what is the color of mug you were given at coffee shop that Sunday morning?

***symbols - what was in that strange dream about you your mother saw yesterday?

***sounds, smells, sensations

***words - messages you find on bill boards and in graffitis  

— } all that things might lead you nowhere or somewhere, uncovering experience after experience beneath, so you might find yourself remembering childhood or feeling sadness or longing, subtle memories of so many places, so many feelings, that’s your cosmic heritage, but every time make sure you are back in your present moment.

Open your heart, nothing fancy behind that, just try to turn from your mind conditioning every moment it arises strongly and go back to your heart, with trust and compassion towards yourself, 

practice asking yourself: what I feel? what I love? what I love in myself? do I love myself right now in that difficult moment?

Lastly,start asking your guides to heal your body, even if you feel well, your etheric body might hold huge traumatic experiences

Estoy volviendo a dormir todo el día, y si, se lo que significa pero no se como salir esta vez…

No me sigas, yo también estoy perdida

Y la vi a los ojos, la tristeza y desolación reinaban en ella. temo por lo que pueda llegar a hacerse..

Y sin saber me soltaste.

Caminabamos juntos durante tanto tiempo que un día solo me soltaste sin que yo sepa, sin que lo sintiera, un día caminabamos juntos y de pronto me encontré caminando sola.

Me soltaste y no supe cuando, ni porque lo habías hecho.

No se como caminar sin ti y ya no se si quiero caminar…

Existen personas que son como una lija, te van desgastando emocional, física y mentalmente con el tiempo hasta llegar al punto en que no te reconoces a vos mismo por todas esas partes faltantes que te quitaron.

Te odio

Te odio por todo lo que me hiciste, por como me haces sentir. Te odio por minimizar mis emociones, por hacerme sentir que exagero, por creer que debo dejar de pensar o de sentirme de la manera que sea porque para vos no es importante. Te odio por dañarme tanto psicológica y emocionalmente como para ser insegura de todo, por hacer que sienta que todo lo que pasa es mi culpa.

Siempre soy yo la que tiene que disculpazarce, la que tiene que cambiar, la que está mal, siempre soy yo el error, el problema.

Te odio por convertirme en lo que soy, te odio muchísimo pero más me odio a mi misma por amarte

Ever just had a really good day and you get home and thought “today was a good day” then suddenly the sadness hits you and your head just plays a flashback of every sad memory you have and you just drown in the sadess and forget why you felt happy for once in the entire year.

You don’t even remember me, don’t you?

A quick check in

Drink some water, take a deep breath, if you’ve been wearing a binder for more than eight hours, take it off. Stretch, take any medications you need to, have some food, correct your posture, go outside if you can. You’re going to get through this.

A friendly reminder

Intrusive thoughts do not make you a bad person. It doesn’t matter what you end up thinking because of them, it’s not your fault. You’re going to be ok, there are people who love and care about you. Things will get better.

A quick psa:

There is only one appropriate time to ask someone what their disability is. This being, if you are a medical professional who is currently treating them. There is litterally no other time when this is ok, if someone wants you to know. They. Will. Tell. You. Otherwise it is none of your business. This includes mental health problems.

Im not someone who thinks a lot about suicide but the picture keeps crossing my mind tho.

It’s been really bad lately and my urge to self harm is increasing with every day that I lay in bed and can’t sleep. I don’t know how long I will be able to take this anymore. My anxiety is high , my depression is dark, my mental health zero. It’s getting bad. Like fucking bad.

I don’t want to be in that dark narrow place again. I know what it is like to be there. I don’t like it. But the road is never ending and the finish line seems to be there. It’s really hard to be holding on to that little light that is left but slowly is vanishing.

I’m tired, exhausted, Empty, numb and in pain. I know I’m not the only one feeling this way, but still it’s hard feeling this way not knowing what to do to feel better , I mean at least being able to not feel guilty about everything and nothing. I would get help , but at the moment there is no way I’m getting the help I need.

Right now i just want to be sure I’ll wake up tomorrow morning. Or not. I don’t even know.

That’s the point. I’m confused if I want to live or not. I don’t wanna die. But living is painful. So what do I want. I don’t know if I have the strength to keep going and constantly feel like I’m suffocating and drowning trying to scream but instead my lungs fill up with water and I’m no longer able to breath.

But i don’t know if I have the strength to let go once and for all, leaving my mom and my loved ones behind either. It’s difficult because I want to keep going but the is just no more energy left for doing so.

I’m carrying a bag of stones. Stones I carry with me all day long and when I’m at home I finally break down because I can’t take that weight.

When I lay in bed the only thing I feel is a weight on my chest that makes me breath heavily and panic.

Im alone. I can’t talk to anyone. The first question I get is „why“. Oh god if I knew why. That’s a question I ask myself a lot. „Why me?“ „why now?“ „why again?“ „why is this happening?“. I have no answer to that question. It makes me anxious getting that question and not having an explanation. How can I reach out for help if I do not have any reason to feel the way I do.

I don’t understand. And so don’t the others.

They don’t understand my struggle. I have a home, family, friends, food,.. more than a lot of people on this planet have and yet I feel lost, lonely and empty. Somebody that did not feel those things and this darkness can not understand how it feels. They can not understand how tiring living is.

They can not understand how difficult it is to put on a mask everyday so nobody asks you “what’s wrong?” And so you don’t have to answer with “I don’t know.” That’s the point. Again. I don’t know what’s wrong. Too much is wrong with me. And then they go like “no seriously, there must be something that causes this”. And that’s upsetting. Because I would want to know what’s wrong.

It’s exhausting and tiring.

I don’t want to bother anyone or be a burden because that’s how I feel. That’s what I am for me.

I want to go out. I want to have fun. I want to live. I want to be able to be at peace with my mind and myself. It’s just not that easy.

Im so lost and i don’t know what to do about it…

I accidentally deleted a post when I wanted to edit it.

I’m sorry

However,

This is new version of my drawing

Hope you like it

~ Tell me how are you feeling deep inside and I will try to draw it

You can send me a message anonymously

Yelling at random pieces of furniture isn’t therapy, but it sure feels like it