“hahahhaha!! remember when we thought eating was a personality trait and made us not like other girls!!! hahaaha lol so cringe of us!! glad we grew out of that!”

who is we, Sharon?

Whyyy Do I Do This

Person: Are you ok? Like, I know you like to lose weight n stuff but your cheek bones are becoming really prominent again

Me: Yes~ I’m fine, it’s just the way the suns hitting at this angle, trust me, I’m fine.

Person: Ohhh alright

Also me, lower weight than ever:

I don’t know if Im happy or sad

But after 2 and a half years into my recovery, all at once I fell back into my anorexic hole again.

Sure there have been ups and downs along the way where I would relaps and start restricting my calories to my usual 1,200, but it never lasted for very long. But now, it’s worse than ever, and it’s nothing like it was before. I’m not refusing to eat because I feel depressed, or as a coping mechanism like I was before. I’m starving myself without even realizing it, it’s like I FORGET to eat now, whereas before, food was my entire life morning, noon and night. I would dedicate hours of my day just to calculating everything down to the tiniest gram, and drink copious amounts of water just to keep myself from eating, while still thinking about food. I’m even forgetting to drink water lately. It’s like my mind fixated on one specific activity per day, and I forget about everything else until I get tired and decide it’s bed time.

At night is when I usually remember, like “my head hurts, oh yeah, I should eat!” And I’ll eat like, a couple bites of somthing or some broth because I just…am NOT hungry? I have no appetite? And I don’t know WHY or HOW? But I can feel my body suffering because I’m NOT EATING. Or like I’ll realize how dry and uncomfortable my mouth is like “oop, better take 2 sips of coolaid to hydrate and keep myself awake”.

It’s only been like this for maybe 2 weeks, Maybe a bit less, but I’ve already went from 139 to 125 (I’m fairly certain it’s not fat weight, but like, water weight and digestive weight). And on one hand I’m so happy! On the other hand, I’m back tracking. All my progress, all the things I was enjoying. I actually was ENJOYING eating food, and I’d drink full fat soda! And I didn’t care about the calories for so long! But now even though it’s only been about 2 weeks, I can already feel everything going backwards in familiar ways. Even though I am forgetting to eat, when I actually do take a bite of somthing, again, I have no appetite. But one day I forced myself to eat some rice, shrimp, and an egg fried in butter. And I felt so, GUILTY afterwards. And that made me so sad because I haven’t felt quite like THAT in so long. And it was soooo good, I just wanted to enjoy it and go about my day. But I remember I just wolfed it down because it tasted so freaking good, that I didn’t really get to savor it and- then it was gone and then I felt hollow and like I did somthing bad.

Then to make that a bit worse, after I ate that, I drank some laxatives- somthing I have not done for quite a long time. And I was really disappointed in myself, because I hadn’t done it for so long, but also because it made me feel better. But I know these things are hurting me and that’s why I’m so upset with myself. I’m so ashamed because it’s like all that progress went down the drain. Bumps in the road are normal and fine, and relapses absolutely do happen, and that’s ok and not a reason to give up, and I know it’s not the end of the world! It’s just, hard, when you see progress crumble and you don’t understand why.

Anyways,

PLEASE REMEMBER TO EAT WELL,

HYDRATE,

STAY SAFE,

AND TO TAKE YOUR MEDICINE AS PRESCRIBED!

My main trigger is when people get mad at me.

Alls you gotta do it yell at me and next thing you know I’m downing laxatives and purging my guts out. I don’t know why, but I can’t handle anyone being unhappy with me. I can’t handle being fussed at or being disliked, even though, it doesn’t hurt anymore, it’s like my mind just immediately goes to “well, time to throw up” in those moments, even if I’m not sad.

I get confused and irritated, but it doesn’t scare or hurt me anymore. Just, gotta make myself throw up and starve for a few days then I’m a-ok again

I still have a whole lot pent up inside.

I get so offended when a guy comes along and immediately assumes I need his help to deal with what I got going on. I don’t NEED your help, man.

my body isn’t even

my left upper arm is 1 inch larger than my right

my right thigh is 1 inch larger than my left

I don’t know why this is, and it’s hard to come to terms with. especially when clothes don’t fit right. also??? why is it not that one side of my body is bigger than the other?? what’s up with this weird criss cross ?? hello??

gotta just remember that it’s a thing that happens sometimes. I just hope I even out at least a little bit in the end (cause im tired of my SLEEVES ONLY FITTING ONE ARM AHHH)

so hey if you’re in the same (or similar) boat as me and struggling, I hope that knowing there’s others out there helps.

…..I’m also sending good vibes your way and they can’t be stopped

>:) <3 :0

me —-> you

Have y'all ever had a London Fog?

As in the drink, not the literal fog of london. It’s super good, here’s the low cal version I like to make:

ingredients for about 2 cups:

• 1-2 bags of earl grey tea (black tea works well too) - 0cal
• ½ cup of your preferred milk (I use unsweetened almond - 15cal)
• sugar free vanilla syrup to taste - 0cal
• driedlavender - 0cal

instructions:

1. Place your tea bag(s) and lavender into a cup. I don’t usually measure how much lavender I use, but it’s probably a little under 1 tablespoon.
2. Pour in your boiling water and brew your tea. I like to use 2 bags of earl grey tea, and i like to brew about 1.5 cups. I usually brew my tea for about 3-5 minutes, but you can leave your tea bags in for longer or shorter to change how strong the tea is.
3. Remove your tea bag(s) and lavender. If the lavender was lose in your cup you may want to strain it out.
4. Add your milk, and sweeten to taste with the vanilla syrup.
5. Enjoy!

if you don’t have a vanilla syrup, you can just use sugar (or any sweetener) and vanilla extract. Just be careful when adding the vanilla because the extract is very strong!

You can skip the lavender without ruining the drink, I know it’s not an herb that everybody has.

butterflyxproject:

starving for perfection

My go to tahini kale salad

You will need:

• 3 cups of lacinato kale washed and chopped
• 1 tsp of olive oil
• ½ a lemon
• ½ tsp of salt
• ¼ tsp crushed red pepper
• ½ tsp of garlic powder
• ½ tsp of onion powder
• 1 tbsp of tahini
• 1/3 cup of blueberries
• 1/3 cup of chickpeas
• ¼ tsp of paprika
• 1/8 tsp of ground cayenne powder
• ½ cup of cucumbers sliced
• 1 cooked beet sliced
• ½ an avocado cubed
• Oven
• Baking sheet
• Non stick mat or parchment paper

Step one

Preheat your oven to 400 degrees

Step two

Pour chopped and washed kale into a large bowl. Combine olive oil, ¼ tsp of garlic powder, ¼ tsp of onion powder, ¼ tsp of red pepper flakes, ¼ tsp of salt, and the juice of ½ a lemon with the kale. Massage gently and place in the fridge

Step three

In a separate bowl combine the chickpeas with ¼ tsp of garlic powder, ¼ onion powder, ¼ tsp of salt, 1/8 tsp of ground cayenne powder. Mix together and then place on a baking sheet lined with a non stick mat or parchment paper. Place in the heated oven for 12 minutes

Step four

One chickpeas have cooked combine them with the kale salad mixture. To the same bowl add blueberries, sliced cucumbers, sliced beet, and cubed avocado. Pour 1 tbsp of tahini into the salad and mix

Step five

Transfer into a separate bowl and enjoy. Feel free to add additional seasonings, or 0 calorie vinegar/citrus

Honestly this recipe is soooogood!!

Nutrients

Calories: 534 (don’t worry they’re safe calories)

Protein: 18 g

Carbs: 62 g

Fiber: 24 g

Fat: 26 g

Vitamin A: 373%

Vitamin C: 436%

SERIOUSLY Y’ALL.. YOU GOTTA TRY IT OUT :)

-Ann

FIVE DAY WATER ( sorta ) FAST!!

This fast will be a time to cleanse your body, mind, and soul the ana way. By consuming only water and a nutrient dense salads for five days straight you will feel better and look better !!

THE RULES ARE

• Drink 32 oz of ice cold lemon water first thing in the morning
• Drink 16 oz of cinnamon apple cider vinegar water (recipe below)

PLEASE DO THIS FOR YOURSELF

• For lunch eat a salad with kale, blueberries, beets, ½ avocado, and a tahini dressing. Don’t worry about the calories this is to help fuel our bodies. I’ll include the recipe I use below

https://ski-nny-ana.tumblr.com/post/178749856114/my-go-to-tahini-kale-salad-you-will-need-3

• Drink 32 oz of plain ice water after lunch
• Drink 32 oz of lemon ice water for dinner
• Drink 16 oz of hot lemon water before bed
• Have a 16 oz cup of ice water by your bed just in case
• BLACK COFFEE and COFFEE with unsweetened or sweetened nut milk (1 cup max a day) is allowed
• Unsweetened green, black, or peppermint tea is allowed
• If you can afford to, drink kombucha with your lemon water dinner
• ONLY light exercises (jumping jacks, sit ups, push ups, walks, etc)

So that’s it! It’s pretty simple and easy to do. Feel free to share your progress with me and let me know how it goes. Messages are always open :)

stay safe

ski-nny-ana

-Ann

I might be anorexic but you will never catch me depriving myself of good food. If I want pasta I’ll eat some … just a low cal version. If I want my food to have flavor I’ll season it!! I just don’t understand why some people eat bland food when they’re anorexic. Then again everyone’s eating disorder is different. It might just be because I was raised by people in the restaurant business and good food will always be part of my soul

Would you guys like it if I started posting what I eat in day? Like pictures of the food I’m eating and the calories ??

unpopular opinion:

binge eating and food addiction are ed just as valid as anorexia or bulimia

quick bodycheck without binder because it’s h o t a f and I’m lowkey dying because body dysphoria and dysmorphia have teamed up against me

sometimes I just wished I lived alone and had no friends or social obligations or people near me

so I could just. plan. my. diet. perfectly.

and starve myself to death

well I’m fucked.

I lost 4 kg and I’m officially at my lowest weight, but now I have 7 days of a trekking camp where not only I can’t count kcals (I don’t prepare meals) but I can’t even fast/restrict/purge because I’ll be constantly with people and checked during the meals

I feel horrible and I don’t wanna gain weight again after all that I went through to reach the point where I’m now.

my only hope is to burn most of the stuff I eat. I’m so anxious