I think I have a hernia causs there’s a squishy ball in my stomach that shows up after exercise that hurts and causes chest pain; so yeah I might die, and?
Havent weighed today, probably still weigh the same anyway.
Imma wear this for my senior pictures when the new dates come up since I missed dit the first time rip.
I never thought my eating disorder was real cause I was never severely emaciated. Yes I was underweight and yes I had a feeding tube at one point, but people would always make comments like “You are extremely skinny, but it doesnt look like you have an ed”. Now my brain is constantly like prove it to yourself and get THAT skinny. Then another part of my brain is like, that’s so stupid and will only make you more miserable. Anyone relate or am I just crazy lol?
I got my period. At least that explains the bloat recently.
Also I’m 110.2 now. It’s lower then I’ve been but it hurts knowingly I was 98 before. Oh well, I’m moving on the right direction.
Also being at home is hard. Having to convince everyone that I’m doing so well is difficult. Especially since my mother is being nice. She even let me keep my food separate from the family’s. It eased my mind a little. Still I feel like it’s all gonna be eaten up by other people.
I had a terrible binge this morning. I have been binging for the past several days. I haven’t been doing what I should. Everytime I go out I see all of the skinny girls walking around looking so happy and all I can do is wish to be like them. I keep thinking that my actions of binging are not helping me to reach those goals. So, starting now I am going to do everything I can to continue what I was doing before. I have 30 days until I go into my first year of high school and I am going to lose 30 pounds. Just wait. I will be beautiful.
